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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that my toddler will never be the same again

38 replies

PyjamasandSlippers · 19/04/2014 20:27

And I'm panicking inside and trying my hardest not to let it show.

My just turned 3 yo DD has generally been a good sleeper (apart from the first 6 months) but she's had what I think was a nightmare a couple of nights ago and she hasn't been the same since.

Since this nightmare, she's been extra clingy and is absolutely terrified of bathtime and going to bed. We've never had a problem putting her to bed before. She normally loves the stories and is so playful and happy. She also usually loves the bath and enjoys playing with her sisters in there. Shes now even terrified of sitting in the bed to listen to a story.

The only way we've managed to get her to sleep is if we sleep with her, but every time I move she grabs onto me and screams 'mummy!'. She usually has an afternoon nap too, but there has been no way to get her to have it over the last couple of days. The problem is she's now really, really tired and it's making the situation worse. I just don't know how to handle it. My DH is in bed with her right now, but I'm so scared of how I'm going to cope with this on my own. My DH is away a lot and I also have 1 year old twins to deal with. I just don't know what to do! I feel like I have a different child.

I feel like I've failed her, as she's not able to cope with this

Has anyone else been through this? Does it get better? Thanks

OP posts:

TillyTellTale · 20/04/2014 18:01

My four year old used to keep having nightmares and kept waking up because of them every other night. He found out about dream-catchers (from grandma I think, I didn't think of it ) and asked me for one. I wasn't sure where to get one, but I eventually got round to asking him where he'd seen them, and he took me to the shop where he'd seen them. He chose one, and he's only had one nightmare since.

The placebo effect is a wonderful thing. Could it work for your child?

Gen35 · 20/04/2014 18:33

I hate not sleeping...I've tried many things with dd, I tell her mummy will always protect her, I'm always in the house at all time when she's asleep, if she's scared she comes and gets me, I check the room for her, sing her one song and she has to try and sleep again. If she makes it through in her own bed, a reward in the morning. I talk about how brave she is etc. if she messes around for hours or ends up in my bed and won't go to sleep, i take a toy away although not if it was fear based waking.

littledrummergirl · 20/04/2014 18:38

We have had a dream catcher for dd and ds1 had a toy dog who chased the bad dreams away. Ds2 never seemed to have a problem but he shared with ds1 until he was 6.
Lots of gentle reassurance.

cardibach · 20/04/2014 20:10

I was just about to post to try a dreamcatcher, littledrummergirl! DD (now 18) had a phase of both bad dreams and night terrors when she was about 3. I talked to her about the dream catcher and how it would trap all the dreams and it helped a lot.

IdealistAndProudOfIt · 20/04/2014 20:22

I find my 20 month old is easier to get off to sleep than my 3 yr old, don't you? Can you keep dd with you while you get the twins off, then concentrate on her?

Twins, must be hard anyway,jolly good luck!

We co sleep, so nightmares not much of an issue tbh. I have always told my dd that her toy dinosaur will scare monsters away. I'd try that, a night light, lots of reassurance and knowing mummy is just next door and can be there in seconds.

You have not 'failed her', she is a very young little girl and just going through a phase. Everyone gets nightmares sometimes and they're scary! How would a little girl be able to 'deal with it'? It will ease off with time.

McKitten84 · 20/04/2014 20:44

this may sound silly but I heard it somewhere............
using a medicine bottle a filling it with water (or scented water) and telling little one that it is a magic potion that will stop the bad dreams and she can help flick or drop little bits around her room before bedtime. have been told this does work, esp if you have a prescription sticker on it or in a medicine bag! or just make a official looking sticker to put on it!
p.s. I have been told this works also as a monster potion!!!

Original poster

PyjamasandSlippers · 20/04/2014 22:10

Thanks for more of your replies. It's useful advice.

I'm feeling a lot calmer today, but I still feel totally out of my depth of how I'm going to solve the situation. The problem is I don't think she really understands that she's had a bad dream. She's only just turned 3 a couple if weeks ago, and always seems quite young for her age. I don't think she's able to distinguish dreams from reality yet. She seems to be scared of the duvet and all the lumps and bumps. I've played games with her in bed today. At bedtime a read lots of stories, sang songs for 2 hrs. But when I said I was going into the room next door to fetch a tissue & would be right back she ran from the room screaming! She's now in bed with daddy.

I've done a bit of reading on the Internet today, but a lot if the advice seems to be for milder cases where the children stay in bed. I've also read not to let them become too dependant on you for sleeping. But how?!

OP posts:

Purplepoodle · 20/04/2014 22:13

If she is scared of the duvet, swap it for a sheet and blanket

Spottybra · 20/04/2014 22:17

Dream catcher, monster powder, night light (ds has been through a star projector, ikea wall lamp with a low war energy saving bulb, and current adores his fibre optic monsters university b&q thing).

Give yourself a break occasionally. It doesn't hurt to read a book in your bed, give them a snuggle, let them fall asleep then carry them into their own beds and pop on a nightlight. As long as the majority of the week they fall asleep
In their own beds they'll understand its a treat. We read bedtime stories all over, the sitting room, dd's room, ds's room, my room...

Spottybra · 20/04/2014 22:17

Low watt bulb. Stupid phone.

Original poster

PyjamasandSlippers · 20/04/2014 22:18

She seems to be scared of the lumps and bumps rather that the duvet.

I think I caused this problem as she woke in the night and was quite upset so I let her come into bed with me. She wanted to sleep on my chest, so I let her. But later in the night she leaped off my chest screaming hysterically. I've never seen her like that before. I think she'd had a nightmare caused by me moving underneath her & now she's scared of the bed.

I might try putting her back into a grobag if she fits. Would that be ok to use on a bed? I've not used it since she came out of her cot at christmas.

OP posts:

Original poster

PyjamasandSlippers · 20/04/2014 22:21

I tried a low watt bulb tonight & a nightlight. She was still hysterical when I tried to leave. She was happy when I was singing & reading stories though.

I don't think she knows what monsters are. She's never read a story or watched anything with that type of thing in.

I'm going to try her with her sister's pooh bear projector tomorrow though.

OP posts:

crazykat · 20/04/2014 22:28

My dd1 freaked out after a nightmare about this age. We got her a special teddy to cuddle which scares the bad dreams away. It really helped her to settle after she had bad dreams. She still has it on her bed a few years later.

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