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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder where the hell all the fun went?

27 replies

YouPutYourRightArmIn · 19/04/2014 14:25

DD is 2yo and a delight. I work 4 days some weeks, 5 days other weeks, DH has just set up his own business. Our whole house needs decorating, we have three sets of parents (mine divorced and remarried) to fit in who all mosn we dont see them enough, money isn't specially tight but we can by no means be frivolous. I'm pg with DC2.

Life feels like a fucking grind. Weekend plans often go out the window for one reason or another - either we are too knackered to rush about to get out early or DDs nap (1-3pm roughly) breaks the day in half, or someone pops in and we get delayed, or DH and I actually try to have a full conversation and that delays us! If we have family day out its usually nice but we feel bad about all the stuff that doesn't get done. If we don't have a family day out we feel we're doing DD a disservice as we don't have that time with her in the week.

Our parents offer to babysit but it never feels like a real genuine offer because they often after then say they need to be back for the dog/cat/bed by a relatively early time. And to be honest because our time is so stretched already we feel reluctant to ask as they already help with childcare and we know (because they've all said or hinted) that they'd rather see DD if they are coming over. I feel reluctant to ask them to babysit during the day at weekends because I don't see DD all week.

DH pops out to watch the football 2-3 times a month. I see my friends on my day off in the week and we have a set night out once a month but DH don't do much together just the two us. This isn't helped by being pg as I'm knackered but I'm really conscious that life is about to get more hectic and I want to try and resurrect some fun before we are one of those bored lifeless couples.

Are we being martyrs or is life with small children simply a bit of a drudge? It all feels so functional. We used to have big fun busy social weekends, now we just feel flat and tired and dull.

OP posts:
Original poster
YouPutYourRightArmIn · 19/04/2014 14:36

As an example - today DD and I went to visit one set if grandparents this morning whilst DH did some DIY at home. I hoped DD would have an early nap so we could go to the local Easter fete (open 1-4pm) We didn't get away from the GPs til later than planned but DD showing no sign of nap. DH sorted lunch whilst we were en route home. Had lunch, cleared stuff away, changed DD's bum and left thinking we'd go straight to the fete and DD would have to forgo her nap (she's usually ok to do this). She fell asleep in under 5 mins in the car at just after 2pm. Chances are she'll wake at about 3:30pm so the fete will be over.

So we've headed home so DH can carry on with the DIY. I'm sat in the car on the driveway MNing whilst DD sleeps.

We could go back to the fete when she wakes but it will likely be over and we would've missed all her little pals that were going earlier.

So we'll do some other boring jobs this arvo because there's not much time to do much else between DD waking at 3:30ish and starting dinner at 5ish. Bath and bed by 7:30pm by which point I'm pooped and can manage an episode or two of a boxset before crashing out.

That's it. Day done.

OP posts:
Slavetothestripyone · 19/04/2014 14:40

Couldn't you have gone to the fete and woken her once you were there?

It is hard going trying to fit everything in, it's not always possible to do it all.

sonlypuppyfat · 19/04/2014 14:47

What you are describing is just typical life with small children. Just try not to let their naps, feeds etc rule you.

Original poster
YouPutYourRightArmIn · 19/04/2014 14:47

The fete was about a 7min drive away, she was soundo by 5mins! We could still go for the last 20-30mins I guess but DD usually needs time to wake up properly before being happy. Plus looks like its goings to rain

I know I'm sometimes guilty of thinking we can achieve as much as in our pre-DC days but today just feels frustrating.

And it feels like there's so much that we need to do that all the fun things just aren't even a remote possibility.

OP posts:
Laquitar · 19/04/2014 15:00

I cant see a problem tbh.

SpringBreaker · 19/04/2014 15:09

You could have gone to the fete and walked around while you pushed the buggy. She may have slept or she may have woken up. Either way you would still have done something.

3DcAndMe · 19/04/2014 15:09

Couldn't you have walked? Wouldn't have mattered if she slept in a pushchair?

bbkl · 19/04/2014 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Valdeeves · 19/04/2014 15:13

I think it's more the fact that there's no spontaneity in life with small children - added with the domestic workload.
Every thing generally has to be planned in advice and you are constantly revising the daily decisions based on the DC's needs.
I long for a maid to do all my laundry, ironing and clean my house! Then I'd also like a babysitter once a month that doesn't cost the earth.

FindoGask · 19/04/2014 15:14

I don't really get the problem about the nap either, but as to your more general point - weekends certainly aren't what they used to be, and it took a long time for that to dawn on me. I never particularly packed them with fun-filled activities before I had children, but I do miss being idle and aimless.

PandaFeet · 19/04/2014 15:18

Just sounds normal to me.

I can see how needing to decorate can be difficult to fit in, but tbh I don't think I could even attempt to decorate with two kids.

Maybe you need to accept that you won't get so much done. You don't have to be doing anything. DD would be just as happy pottering about at home I am sure.

Tigresswoods · 19/04/2014 15:19

Sadly I think this is just life. It's really hard. I think it does improve once your not stuck to naps (plus waking up time from naps) & you can be more spontaneous.

DS is 4 & things have been more fluid for well over a year. No nappies, no naps, no bother about set in stone food times. He still gets hungry & tired of course but it's far more manageable.

Give it time & play to your strengths.

wolfwhistler · 19/04/2014 15:21

You cant work full time and be a full time mum and play house too, it simply isn't mathematically possible, you just end up resenting everything

if it were me, I would look to work less, spend more precious time with my babies and family. They aren't kids for long, believe me mine are in their 20s and it seems like yesterday we were walking to the shops with the pram

morchoxplz · 19/04/2014 15:28

If she is 2 and she needs a nap you are expecting too much if her to be running round with friends in the afternoon. You are expecting her to be more like a four year old which she will be in 2 Years time just when your unborn baby will begoing through the same stage.
You are quite right it's a fuckin grind.

Owllady · 19/04/2014 15:28

I am going to be kind to you, but please just be grateful forecast you have and stop sweating the small stuff.
You have a loving husband, a home, a healthy child, one on the way and lots of family support. You sound very lucky.

Are you just a bit tired and depressed?

Of course life changes when you have children, but it was a choice you made

Ubik1 · 19/04/2014 15:33

Yep all siuves familiar.

The good thing is that when they are a bit older, mine are 4,7,9 , it becomes much easier. We can go hillwalking - but not the distances we did before - we can go shopping, we can do so much more.

You just need to grit your teeth and get through it. Oh and GO OUT if babysitting offered, take it!

Ubik1 · 19/04/2014 15:34

Oh and get used to needing to decorate... Grin

Original poster
YouPutYourRightArmIn · 19/04/2014 15:42

DD has never transferred from car seat to buggy or vice versa whilst sleeping. She was obv pooped as dropped off so quickly. We were supposed to be nipping to the shops after the fete anyway so didn't think we'd need the buggy as she's happy to walk most places that are quick nips.

Aaaaaanyway. That was just an example. Life just feels quite unproductive and like there's always something dull that has to take precedent over the fun stuff.

We've come out to the fete now. Driving round in circles looking for somewhere to park! But at least we're out!

How do you keep life fun when there's so much boring stuff to do?!??

OP posts:
shadowdancer · 19/04/2014 15:43

It is hard, we often find ourselves wondering the same thing, and it's so important to find time for fun and togetherness. Can you set aside one day at the weekend for getting jobs done and one day for doing nice things together? Also I find if life is feeling a bit flat I book tickets for something then we absolutely have to go! Sometimes you have to plan for fun as stupid as that sounds! As for decorating, take a couple of weeks to do a room and live on freezer meals/ignore the rest of the house during that time, and if you get one room per year done, you're doing well!

3DcAndMe · 19/04/2014 15:43

Your little peoples faces make it fun!

bestmunchkinsever · 19/04/2014 15:51

yanbu. I feel your pain. I also have 2.5 yo and 4 mo as well as trying to finish a renovation we bought just before I fell pregnant with no 1. over 3 years ago Grin I I am green watching everyone around me (including) those with small kids heading Off on fun days out and weekends away whilst we carry on with our drudgery at home. it is depressing but there is so much joy too in little ones and I try to enjoy the fun times we do create #when we have time. my nephew is now 5 and since he was 3.5 my bro and sill have a much easier life !

winkywinkola · 19/04/2014 15:53

It is drudgery and it is mundane a lot of the time. Hmm

bestmunchkinsever · 19/04/2014 15:53

Sorry for my spelling and grammar. My phone is a nightmare to mn with Grin

Brices · 19/04/2014 15:56

The tone of your post I can soo empathise with.
I could never write such an OP because the replies of enjoy your young family while you can would leave me wretched with guilt and headed for the wine bottle (what's wrong with me angst!)

I read you need more time / fun with your husband. Bet he's needing more of you too, young family, new business sounds hard. Mind you, nowhere near as tough as pregnancy :-)
I'd try to carve a few hours if poss for just you two in your week. Found it quite poignant in your post when you said, trying to have a full conversation with DH delays you both.
I guess others would disagree but I found two children easier than one child and pregnancy.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 19/04/2014 16:01

Skip some of the boring stuff, make the fun stuff a higher priority. The boring stuff will still be there waiting after you have fun...

And have fun for sake of having fun, don't feel everything needs to be productive.