IABU ... a little bit pissed off with dfil

[aylesburyduck]

so - I have a big birthday tomorrow (40 ) and OH and I have been to see dfil today. Dfil is, to put it politely, a miserable bugger and has been getting OH down recently.

He isn't really interested in anything or anyone other than himself, and doesn't have much to say about anything unless it's negative.

OH mentioned my birthday, at which dfil threw me a tenner and said something along the lines of get yourself something nice.

OH is quite upset that his dad didn't get me a card (I'm a big girl, it's not that big a deal) and because his dad didn't wish me happy birthday. I didn't for a minute think that dfil would because it's just how he is.

The biggie though is that we are due to move in a few weeks, and we're excited (I know these things are only interesting if its you who's moving though) but dfil is totally disinterested and has flatly refused to come and visit.

He's perfectly entitled to do as he pleases and as I say I am being unreasonable, but OH is finding his dads disinterest a bit hard to bear.

Bloody families....who'd have them!

He sounds just like my miserable git of a DFIL, you have my sympathies. Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY

My DH father is a really miserable piece of work. DH is his only child and he barely acknowledges him. No birthday or christmas presents or cards ever, not even for DH let alone me. No wedding acknowledgement when we got married.

We have an 8 week old DD FIL first (and only) grandchild. DH is absolutely besotted with her. He insisted we take her to see his dad almost immediately despite the fact that he hadnt even replied to DH message that she had been born. We went. DH proudly presented his gorgeous DD to his dad and asked if he wanted to hold her. The miserable old sod said 'why on earth would i want to do that' and barely even looked at her. The look on my DH face broke my heart.

My dad is dead but before he died he told me that he would regret never meeting his grandchild (he had cancer). It devastates me that DD will never meet the man who would have given everything to be her grandad for one day and instead she gets FIL who couldnt care less. It was the last straw for me and I will never spend another minute in that mans company. The worst bit though is seeing the effect his complete disinterest has on DH.

YANBU to be pissed off. I am too!!

(Although I feel much better having got that off my chest. I havent been able to talk about it with DH, it hurts him too much)

Piffy How sad for you

Thanks ladies

I think that's the worst thing - the total disinterest in OH and the fact that there isn't much I can say or do to make OH feel better about his dad is so frustrating.

Dfil won't come to our wedding, goes without saying we both want him there. But he won't come.

Venting helps and like you I don't want to add my annoyance to OH. He already feels crap.

It is sad but DH must accept the his father chooses to be a miserable, self centred pain. You will create your own family unit even if you don't have children and will probably find some physical and emotional distance from DFIL helpful. It is his stuff, nothing to do with DH.

Thanks choc. Luckily my DH is a lovely kind gentle man the exact opposite of his dad so at least DD will have a wonderful dad, like i did

FIL doesnt have anyone else so I just encourage DH to persevere with him without showing him how I really feel. Its horrible to see him trying to be cheerful when yet another event goes by without so much as a text or his own messages go unanswered. It wouldnt kill his dad to feign interest once in a while!

Happy 40th for tomorrow, OP. Life's fun in your prime !

Don't waste piss on your DFIL.