AIBU not to solve this problem for him?

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

Ok, so I am wanting an outsiders perspective on this.

Ex left when I was still on maternity leave, and DS was a few months old. We had a bit of too-ing and fro-ing trying to agree contact, but we ended up with an every other weekend arrangement.

Ex works shifts, and has every other Friday, Saturday and Sunday off. We settled on him picking DS up at lunch on Friday. When I went back to work I arranged DS's childcare around this, so he only goes to nursery for half a day on Friday, so his dad picks him up from there at lunch time.

When he picks DS up today, he tells me work have informed him they are changing his shifts, and in a few weeks time he will no longer be able to pick DS up until the evening. Now I am at work on Friday's so not able to have DS myself.

My response was that he can either talk to work about arranging some changes to his suggested hours, or he can pay for DS to stay at nursery for the afternoon, I will pick him up and he can pick him up from me later. I also suggested he might want to talk to his Dad about picking him up (possible).

He paused - a very long pregnant pause with lots of hand wringing. I think he was expecting me to pick up the slack or come up with a solution for him.

He's gone off to 'think about it'. He was acting most put out, and confused that we had not agreed something else.

So AIBU for not have sorted a solution for him?? Surely my offer of picking him up from nursery if he pays for the extra hours is fair enough - no?

Very fair. Stick to it and make him solve his own problems.

His problem to solve. YANBU.

Sounds reasonable to me. Hope he gets back to you asap.

Wow, that was quick, Thank you.

Phew! Sometimes he is just so certain, definite in himself, and surprised by me that I second guess myself!!

Seems like I've done the right thing. We'll see what he says.

Surely you've already solved it for him by suggesting these solutions? What's his problem? You could have just told him you'll be at work too, and left the rest to him.

YANBU!

Was he expecting you to pay for the extra time at nursery?

Leeds2 - who knows? But I think so. Or for him not to be inconvenienced in any way

Let him sort it out and pay for it himself.

YANBU

Does he also expect you to take care of your ds or pay for a babysitter on 'his' weekends? Nope.

If you had to change your work hours, would you expect him to sort it out for you, without your considering other options? I doubt it.

I would tell exh I'm not his mummy and he should solve his own problems. One thing to involve someone in the discussion or ask for their advice or help, another to assume they'll deal with your issue for you.

Thanks all. Something tells me this is going to be the shortest lived AIBU in history!! :)

YA 100% NBU.

I can't stand it when NRPs have attitudes like this.

Would like to see his face if you did the reverse. It would not be a happy one that's for sure.

You're perfectly reasonable. He'll have to put on his big boy trousers and figure it out, the way all working parents do.

Is he likely to sort it out himself purple or is he the sort that'll just turn round and say I'm not going to be there you fix it?

YANBU. Good for you.

Very reasonable. His issue. Although I hope he is already paying half of dc nursery fees?

YA definitely NBU.

Cupid - he used to be the type that would just say I needed to fix it.... but things have changed recently and now I'm more inclined to think he will sort something, but we will see.

I do think he is put off by having to pay the extra childcare.... but I don't see why I should!