To not invite dhs family to dds christening.

[Koothrapanties]

I saw the other thread, and it reminded me that I wanted to canvass opinion on whether I should invite dh's family to dds christening.

None of them have bothered to come and meet her in the 6 months since she has been born. Apart from his parents we haven't heard anything, not a congratulations or anything.

The christening isn't going to be a big thing at all, just the service and then a gathering at my mums house. They are a very big family and if we were to invite them it would mean at least 25 extra people. I am happy to invite dhs parents of course, but it seems mad to pay for so much extra food and drink for people who have made no effort to even meet dd. It would also mean a lot of people at my mum's house as we cant afford a hall.

Dh isn't bothered about dd being christened, but it is very important to me and my family. Everyone in my family have travelled to meet dd, given generous gifts and phone regularly to hear how she is and how we are getting on. They have helped us move house and generally supported us. Dhs family have been nowhere to be seen.

The problem is, I think dhs parents will be quite upset that my aunt's and uncles etc will be there, but none of dhs. We don't have a great relationship with pils due to their pretty poor treatment of dh, but it would devastate them if we dont invite them to dds christening. If I'm honest we would both rather it was just my family, but that's not an option.

What do you think we should do?

It's about what you and dh want, not his parents.

If in agreement with each other, just invite the PiL and not the extended family.

Be hard faced about it and stick to what you both want, don't rise to any emotional blackmail from them.

Emotional blackmail is their speciality. If we do this it will cause a rift. Dh has got to the point where he doesn't care anymore, but the thought of a row doesn't exactly fill me with joy.

Let it cause a rift.

It's you, dh and your dd.

If dh feels like he does, bring it on. If it's not the christening, there'll be another time or event in the future that they will try to turn their way.

Do what you and dh want.

Agree if a rift comes it's of theirs making.

Go ahead and just invite pil.

Thanks, I was slightly concerned that I was going to be told that I'm being completely unreasonable. I have tried to keep things equal, but it's hard when they make so little effort. I just hope it doesn't put a dampener on the day. Pils are pretty good at making a scene.

Let them know in advance that its them but no extended family, get it out in the open.

If they kick off , tell them they don't have to attend if they are unhappy with your decision.

Don't back down, stay firm and stand by your choice.

I'm tempted to say that if they want a party for their family then they can host one (and bloody well pay for it)!

By all means invite them to the Christening. It's a religious ceremony and it would be uncharitable not to let them attend if they wish - in fact you can't really stop them.
Any sort of part or gathering afterwards is of course optional. You invite who you want, or no-one at all.