Aibu to ask my husband to stop playing football?

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Dh has come home from football with an injured foot which he suspects may be fractured - I am beyond angry! 2years ago (almost to the bloody day) he broke his leg at football, really bad break 2 surgeries months apart with lots of metalwork. Off work for nearly 8 months. Big financial implications as, at the time, we were saving for a deposit for our new house so this massively affected what we were able to save (now in debt to cover shortfall). Afterwards he promised no more football, couldn't risk another long period off work for the sake of a hobby blah blah! But obviously he gradually got back into it " just a bit of training to get my fitness back" Now this! We are now living in new house with considerably bigger mortgage and now have a Dd. Aibu to ask him to stop his hobby as we just can't afford him to be off work again? I genuinely don't know if I am because this is something he loves.

Hmmmm - I'm one of those people who thinks that exercise is the cure to pretty much everything but I think that most of the posters on here are crazy! "At least he's getting some healthy exercise" Huh?!? Healthy exercise should not lead to two broken bones in 2 years. 8 months lying on the sofa is not good for your fitness levels.

For some reason playing football is not working for the Op's dh. As a minimum he needs to work out why - is he being too aggressive, is he playing at a higher level than his body can handle, is he just too old? The two of them then need to agree if there is a way that he can carry on playing - a lower level team for example - or whether he should find a new sport. But agree is the important word here - a responsible father and husband should not be choosing to risk his family's financial future without discussing it.

As for "he supported you during pregnancy etc" What planet are you all on? Pretty sure pregnancy has some benefit for the dad too. Do you all just go and get pregnant on your own? Personally dh and I discussed whether we wanted children - we did - and what maternity leave we felt I should take - a full year. As a result dh is currently financially supporting us all I guess. I'm not particularly grateful - it's just him doing his bit to help create the family we both want. My bit includes being up at 3:38am breast feeding. He's not particularly great flu either - he's fast asleep.

Yanbu at all and lol at some of the yabu comments . Ideally we would all do whatever the hell we want but marriage and parenthood are a commitment and responsibility to the other person. There are plenty of non contact sports where one can maintain fitness without risking the wellbeing of their family!

Yabu. I currently have a cast on my hand as I dislocated my thumb and fractured my scaphoid playing rugby. We are moving house next week and I'm unable to help. He works often a 50-60 hour week, but is picking up the slack at home. 2 years ago, he broke his wrist playing rugby - I picked up the slack. In sickness and in health. Neither of us could abide being told to give up our hobbies. However, as we are getting older, my dp in particular is beginning to feel it and is considering dropping down a level/cutting back. Time is another factor, although rugby clubs are very family friendly in a way that perhaps football is not. But it is my dp's decision as his sport has been part of his life for 23 years.

As your dp is a sahd, this may be his one outlet for the all the many little frustrations of the day and a chance to spend some time with some other adults in a non child context. It may be quite important for his sense of identity.

*Dp often works 50-60'hours

I think he needs to look at an excersise that doesn't involve pivoting at speed, tackling at speed. What about running? Swimming?

He can always run with friends if he wants some banter

YaNbu

If he's willing to endanger his income he's a twat. Many are just a few paycheques in reality from losing everything if that happens.

If want to know he can cope with a year off or injury requiring change of career. Doubt you all could. Isn't worth the worry.

If someone's identity relies on kicking a ball the are a very small person indeed.....

YANBU to be concerned about family income an the effect that a drop following injury would have.

Limiting one particular activity does not however do anything to remove that risk.

You can however mitigate that risk by insurance, and by avoiding dependence on only one partner as wage earner.

So I think YABU to try to control his choice of hobby (and "consent" as outline above is control dressed up in fancy language) when that does not meet your stated concerns.

If however you have an underlying meaning along the lines of "why should he swan off and have a hobby whilst I'm stuck at home" then you need to acknowledge that feeling properly and deal with it in fair and open communication about the real issues.

I had 2 months off work after an accident crossing the road. DH still lets me cross roads.

Thank you for replies I really appreciate some perspective on this! Just to answer a few queries - we have income protection insurance in place now, however dh has a job heavily weighted with bonuses. We don't rely on these bonuses to live I.e. Everything we have we can afford on basic salary - but when he's working he very consistently earns a high level of bonus so although income protection would pay out on his basic salary it would still affect our quality of life, ability to pay off debts at a decent rate etc. it is a physical job that cannot be done with a broken anything!
Whilst I wouldn't like to be "told" not to do something I enjoy, I like to think that I would listen to the concerns of my dh if he felt it was impacting on family life. I mentioned his most significant injuries in my op which required lengthy time off work but he is, in fact, very injury prone - numerous sprains strains, knee and ankle injuries over the last few years which affect him taking part in family activities or doing his bit around the house.
The final thing that really grates on me is that he plays in a local league which is really rough and a lot of the players are "out for a fight". This is his description not mine. There is a lot of dirty play and the rules are not well enforced by the league. His broken leg was due to a deliberate flying tackle that the ref said should have been reported to the police as assault and last night's injury from someone jumping on his foot, again, deliberately according to dh. I originally asked could he play for another team in a "better" league (he's pretty good and has had plenty of offers) but he says he'd rather stay where his friends are. Fair enough but I feel it is reckless to put yourself in a situation where you will potentially be assaulted every weekend!
We're both 30 and he's pretty fit but this is a constant worry for me. I accept that he is entitled to make his own decisions regarding his leisure time.

I can 100% see why you are annoyed, but telling him to stop really is controlling and unfair.

DD2 has managed to lose a week off school due to a gymnastics injury, no way would I stop her doing the sport she loves, nor would I stop DH and DD1 doing their hobby (which is both expensive and dangerous).

I'm sort of with you op.

My dh is 42 and still plays rugby on a Saturday, much to my frustration. He was going to retire when dd1 arrived...that was 5 years ago
He hasn't had any major injuries, as he's like a tank lol.

You could request that he maybe thinks of retiring. I don't know how old he is, but if he's young, I'd say leave him be.

When I broke my leg last year, slipping down the stairs, my dh was an arsehole. The sympathy lasted all of 5 minutes. God help him if he hurts himself, as karma will bite him hard.

How old is he OP? I think football is a young man's game to some extent. If he's a bit older and only playing once a week he's going to end up hurting himself. My DH is very fit (runs every day) but wrecked his back recently playing 5-a-sides after not having played in months. You might have to gently suggest running or cycling instead...

Oh sorry I didn't see your update. If he's only 30 then that's not so bad, but he sounds accident prone!

And yes I was off for 11 months when I had our dd - however I think this is quite different as most couples agree that this is something they are willing to make a short term financial sacrifice for and is planned for! I planned meticulously and saved up annual leave to extend my time off; I am very lucky to have a job with excellent maternity pay.

What job does he do that it means that he can't work with an injury? I play a team sport and have occasionally injured myself fairly badly, broken ankle, broken fingers, knee injuries etc... At most any of these has only resulted in one day off work. When I can't drive I make other arrangements to get into work, I can use a computer with only one hand etc... My job isn't very physical however. I am also a lone parent so have no one else to pick up the slack. Not playing makes me miserable, I need the excercise and the gym doesn't cut it - I hate and have no willpower to do solitary forms of exercise. My team sport allows me to release any frustrations I have (not violently but just by being competitive)

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. There are two of you, if one has to pick up the slack occasionally so be it, isn't that what a relationship is all about? However, I think he should probably make an effort to get to work regardless of injury or take up the slack somewhere else if unable. Having a broken limb doesn't really stop you from doing that much, I know from experience.

I appreciate I could injure myself too but in the last 5 years:
Injuries I've had falling off a kerb ( or anything else) = 0
Injuries (that limit his day to day activities) dh has had from football = > 10
The stats are not good!

Enb76 it involves climbing ladders as a main part of his job as well as carrying heavy equipment and fine work with his hands - so pretty much any injury would prevent him from working. His employers are strict on h&s so would not allow him to work while injured.

Ah, fair enough. Is there any way you can persuade him and his friends to be in a different league?

I don't agree that he should give up his football but I understand your concern.

Dh was once concussed through football and had to take a week off work, that was back in the day when we were young , no dc's and employed with sick pay.

He's 47 now and still plays football, albeit 5 aside at PL, I worry every week he's going to be injured, he's self employed.

Your dh's league sounds rough, that would concern me but it doesn't seem like he's ready to move elsewhere.

On the positive side the foot's looking much better this morning after elevating and icing. Still some swelling but he can move it better.

In many respects I know how you feel, my Dh plays ice hockey and has suffered some serious injuries and had time off work as a consequence. But I would never ask him to stop, he loves hockey and it is very much part of our family life. Ds loves watching daddy and it's fun getting involved with the team, helping to raise funds. It keeps my husband fit, and although injuries can happen I feel accidents occur, regardless, you just have to roll with the punches.

Has he had other injuries from playing or are these two his only ones?

Never mind, just seen your other post.