I know I'll probably get shot down for this opinion but...
I had no choice but to become an independent person because my mother was abusive with an undiagnosed mental illness and my father was absent. I married young because I fell pregnant and he worked away all week and went out drinking all weekend. I resented him massively because he was a useless father to our dd but liked to pretend he was superdad.
I've been with my dp for 5 yrs and he has a demanding job that means he can be away for long periods/at short notice etc. The majority of his friends at work get a lot of grief for this, though it is part of their job and they have no choice. They gets texts like: 'well I can't cook AND look after the dc so if you're home late I'm taking them out to eat on your credit card' and 'i don't care what's happening, you'd better be home to help get the dc to bed.'
I am not a martyr but I enjoy knowing I'm capable of doing everything alone. I then feel it's a bonus if he's around to help and spend my time appreciating that either the children are well behaved for me or that he's come home and helped despite a long (often 12 hour) day at work. I feel this is much better than focussing on constant resentment like a lot of people seem to.
My friend very much relies on her dh. They have two dc and if his train is delayed she'll keep them up until he gets home rather than do bedtime alone. She waits until he can have them to go to the supermarket, doctors etc and would never bath them or take them for a day out alone. She has said she thinks my dp must feel 'redundant' while her dh feels 'valued' 
Aibu to think being self-reliant is no bad thing and that actually, putting pressure on your dp to have to be there or the kids can't go to bed, wash, eat, have a day out etc is rather unfair?