I was going to name change but then thought, sod it - someone has done something horrible to my brother

[Caff2]

and my family thought it might have been me!! It wasn't, I wouldn't have dreamt of doing it, and they believe me, but I still feel hurt that they thought I might have.

I am sorry. Hopefully it won't take long and they will realise.

They believe it wasn't me, but I still feel hurt they thought it might be.

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope your brother is ok. Your family must have been in shock and not have been thinking clearly but I understand the accusation would be very hurtful. Do you and your brother not get along?

We get along OK but don't see each other often as he lives abroad. I'd be interested to see if my other brother was accused too, but won't be asking him as I don't want to stir it up anymore.

Somebody sent an anonymous message to my brother's work and his girlfriend informing them of some things in his past. He'd already told the relevant people, but obviously the shit stirrer didn't know that, and it's caused a lot of angst.

Most likely an ex-gf. How long has been living abroad?

It sounds like it was only something they considered and then discounted, that's not too bad IMO.

They came to the conclusion it couldn't have been you, that's the important thing.

How did you find out they thought it was you?

Have you got any ideas about who it might have been?

They (well my dad) phoned me and asked if it was me. Well asked initially if I'd heard of X name (the name the anonymous caller gave) and then told me why.

I think probably an ex or something, but my brother had a difficult period in his past and I don't know who he might have pissed off back then. He's been abroad for a few years and has built up a happy life, and I'm gutted my family (including him) thought I might have tried to mess it up.

Poor you that sounds horrid, I do hope that they can realise just how upset their thoughts have made you

They probably didn't really think it was you. Think of it as wanting to eliminate you from enquiries.

Well it's his birthday on Easter Sunday and we're meant to be going over to my parents' house where he's staying this week for lunch, so I'll have to get over it. He's only in England for a few days and my older son particularly is really looking forward to seeing him.

I feel sad someone has done it, but also offended they questioned me!

Tell them that. Say you were hurt by it, and want to move on.

I think I'll just have to ignore it, they did say they do believe it wasn't me (I think my "What the fuck are you on about?" type response probably helped!).

Someone wants to hurt my brother though, so that's sad, and my family, now, in my view, obviously have a low opinion of me

They need to apologise to you!

Explain how upset you are that they even thought you could do something like that to your brother. If you explain your feelings but don't attack them and panic them into defensiveness if they have any decency they should apologise.

Why do you think they thought it could be you? Have they given any indication that they have thought about how that makes you feel?

Apparently, he was questioning if it could have been any number of people who know about his history. I would have thought I would be exempt from that though.

Happy birthday to him in Sunday. Shares my daughters. Sorry de railing thread.

caff You have my sympathy. My own family would rather believe my sister's lies about something I didn't do than the truth about what she actually did and it really hurts that they think so little of me (especially as at the time of these incidents my sister had a million reasons to offset her behaviour but I had none, so they really think I would be exceptionally nasty for no reason - despite her having form and me having none too). I can't give you any advice about how to get over it, because it still hurts me, but personally I've found it easier to keep a distance from them all.

What a hurtful situation. People lash out or jump to conclusions in the heat of the moment. Unless there's a history of bad blood it doesn't make sense. Logically what earthly good or pleasure would informing a sibling's employer about his past bring you who are back in the UK. Hope you don't have any further accusations levelled at you.