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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the justice system is a fucking joke

59 replies

starshaker · 17/04/2014 19:37

I was in court this week. I was raped when I was younger. The verdict they came back with is not proven. So basically they didnt think he was innocent but didnt find him guilty. He got off scot free. He has ruined my life and he gets to just walk away and carry on with his life. He can play the vctim and have people think i am a liar.

This process was meant to bring me closure. I just feel worse now. I feel like im not safe and that anybody can hurt me and they will just get away with it because i am so insignificant and really i dont actually matter.

No wonder people dont report this. I was ripped to bits in the witness box and i thought it would be worth it because i was telling the truth.

The truth isnt actually relevant though. Im not relevant

OP posts:
summerbreezer · 17/04/2014 20:31

Weatherall, the justice system is not "weighted in favour of rapists".

Judges must now give juries a special direction about how victims of rape do not always respond in the same way etc. Great improvements have been made to the system.

But the jury still need to be sure of guilt to convict. Unfortunately, in this most most private of crimes. it is often difficult for the police to get the evidence that would lead to the conviction.

OP, I repeat that I am sorry for your experience.

SpringyReframed · 17/04/2014 20:45

I've been there OP. I'm so sorry to hear your experience, not as bad as you by any means as mine was an assault by my exh. That is nothing in comparison to your ordeal but my court experience was similar. (Ex was found guilty the first time, got himself a very expensive barrister the second time and basically paid his way out of it.)

I too was ripped to bits in the witness box. The lady looking after me from the witness service said she had never in 12 years seen such an attack on a witness in a DV case. The prosecuting barrister told me half way through that he felt the judge not stopping this abuse was a good thing but he was wrong and he got off. I didnt stay and I have no idea what the summing up was nor am I bothered to know. It was wrong and yes the justice system is a fucking joke and is weighed heavily against the prosecution.

The main things that helped me recover from the injustice and trauma of it all were:

  1. Believing everyone who said they believed me. Which was absolutely
everyone. No one will think you are a liar.
  1. The support I received here on MN, especially from the professionals
and from every single person who posted.

3.Going for hypnotherapy. I couldnt even see a barrister in a wig on tv

without feeling sick and shaky. I recovered completely in a very short
time.

  1. Realising how brave you were to go to court and tell the truth. Realising
what lying cowards they are.

The thing which didnt help me was Victim Support. They were dreadful. I once rang the Samaritans in the middle of the night and the man who I spoke to was superb. Do try that. It works on that dreadful night for me. Dont be alone with it.

I wish you all the very best.

Original poster
starshaker · 17/04/2014 21:02

People say im brave but im not. Im a mess. Im anxious all the time. I cant use public transport, i cant have breakdown cover, i cant accept lifts and now I feel that im not safe anywhere.

I wish my partner was hear but i dont want him to feel bad because he cant be. I just want him to hug me and make it all go away

OP posts:
Driveway · 17/04/2014 21:17

I believe you. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

SpringyReframed · 17/04/2014 21:24

You are brave. You were brave to go to court and stand there and speak up for yourself. You are brave to post about it on here. It may not feel like brave now but in the future you will see it. It is completely understandable that you feel such a mess now. Allow yourself time and dont be hard on yourself.

I am definitely no expert in posting and advising you but it will get better, it really will. This isnt a great few days for getting help and advice because of the bank holidays etc but please talk to as many people as you can who might be able to help. Perhaps your GP can refer you for counselling. Have you got anyone who could come and stay with you? Please try ringing the Samaritans if you havent anyone to talk to tonight.

Original poster
starshaker · 17/04/2014 21:25

I want to get very very drunk

OP posts:
ChocolatRhum · 17/04/2014 21:36

I believe you. I'm so very sorry this happened to you. Be strong and recover the life you were meant to lead.

ChazzerChaser · 17/04/2014 21:40

Very sorry this has happened to you. I believe you.

SpringyReframed · 17/04/2014 21:43

Drunk is understandable but could you make yourself a hot chocolate or similar and cuddle up with your DC's? That will be better for all of you.

Original poster
starshaker · 17/04/2014 21:45

kids are in bed. cuddles with dumbdog will have to do

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 17/04/2014 21:49

You are very brave.

You have given evidence in court over a very serious crime.

You may have also saved more women going through this ordeal.

You have basically told this scum bag, it's not right you and have done wrong.

nappyrat · 17/04/2014 21:51

Star, your name says it all!! :-) you're a star. You are brave! Sorry but you are, whether you like it or not!! ;)

NotQuiteSoOnEdge · 17/04/2014 22:06

I believe you. My rape was coersive rape within an abusive EA relationship. There is no way on earth I could ever get a conviction for this, and my anger that he cannot be held to account for the damage he has caused is itself toxic.

The fact that you had enough evidence that the cps allowed your case to go to court is all the information anyone needs to know you are telling the truth. I'm sure he has die-hard head in the sand supporters celebrating but they are as much a waste of space as him. The people who matter believe you. The system is creaking and groaning as it changes excruciatingly slowly in how it deals with rape cases, but it is changing, and you are part of that process of change. The fact that you went to court, is part of the story of all of us who want justice, and is part of the fact that ten years from now we will see the improvements, just as we can see how it is better now than ten years ago.

I think you deserve an award for bravery. It may feel a disaster today, but the fact you did it makes a difference for everyone for the future. It shapes the future, and I salute you.

vikkik888 · 17/04/2014 22:09

I believe you.

I also think you're very brave.

Cuddlydragon · 17/04/2014 22:10

You are brave. You stood up for yourself. I believe and admire you. I'm sorry the court system didn't give you closure but every day you keep going and don't let this destroy you is the perfect revenge. Rape is a crime of violence and hatred, how galling it must be that you stood up for yourself.

MyLatest · 17/04/2014 22:13

Star it is impossible to know what to write here but you are braver than you know. I am so sorry you did not get any kind of justice. Try and take comfort from the fact that people here believe you and people in real life will believe you Thanks

Theoldhag · 17/04/2014 22:31

I believe you

You don't feel it right now, but you are very very brave,

Thank you for paving the way for the future victims. One day society will change, it already is......slowly.

I hope that your life becomes brighter and that you can find peace.

Sending you a (((hug)))

Jingjangro · 18/04/2014 02:01

OP, I think you were very brave. You did everything that you could, you should be proud of that.

I think the justice system is a joke, after doing jury service myself (not a rape case). Two of the jury made up their minds at the start of the trial, and wouldn't take part in the deliberations.

Unluckily, there may have been some duffers on the jury in this case.

Original poster
starshaker · 18/04/2014 07:56

Not 1 of the jury looked at me. They sat stony faced and hard

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 18/04/2014 08:06

That's because they all believed you. They just couldn't convict on the evidence.

They would have been sitting there in the jury room saying "he did it, he bloody did it".

LineRunner · 18/04/2014 08:11

I sometimes don't think juries understand that the victim's testimony is evidence.

Original poster
starshaker · 18/04/2014 08:13

How could there be evidence. It was 15 years ago (I know I should have done something then but it took me 13 years to be strong enough to do anything). It's not like it was done where people could see. It was always going to be just my word against his

OP posts:
LineRunner · 18/04/2014 08:21

I think that's why juries need to more clearly understand that testimony is evidence, and that the vast majority of victims are actually telling the truth, and that yes it is ok to convict under these circumstances.

There still seems to be this gulf between what juries need and what they want. They need to be sure; but too many of them want the luxury of an unattainable perfect certainty.

sillymillyb · 18/04/2014 09:06

I believe you x

I had historic abuse and it took me years to tell the police too. I decided not to goto court because I was afraid, you are so very brave.

When will your partner be back? Hang on in there, it's been 10 years since I spoke to the police and after a lot of therapy it has got easier. It will for you too, I promise x

t3rr3gl35 · 18/04/2014 09:14

Stay strong. That you found the strength after 13 years to do something about it is a testament to your strength of character. It takes real courage to do that.

Not Proven really does mean that - it's a horrible verdict that most people interpret as guilty as sin but not enough physical evidence to prove beyond doubt.

Keep your head held high - you're amazing.