AIBU about adult leaving one child out?

[AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife]

Long time lurker, hoping this name and post doesn't out me IRL.

There are three children (year 4) who know each other through an activity that they partake in weekly. Let's call them Anna, Sarah and Zoe. Anna and Sarah also know each other from school. Although Anna has known Zoe for the same length of time, albeit through this weekly activity rather than school. Sarah started the activity a year ago, due to Anna doing it and all three girls have since become great friends. The parents/guardians regularly take it in turns to organise a play-date for them all and will take them after the weekly activity.

Anna recently moved away from everyone, but came to visit for the Easter break. Zoe knew she'd be coming to see her at the end of the weekly activity and that they'd all be doing something together. Bought her a present and was extremely excited. Sarah's parent didn't know Anna was coming at the end of the event and found it out from Zoe's guardian. Fast forward to the activity, Anna shows up just at a point where Sarah got hurt (although it was more the shock from how it happened than anything else. She was checked over and was fine). Given time to calm down etc. and activity time finished. Whilst Zoe is putting her equipment away, Anna and Sarah go to play. Zoe goes to meet them after, for Sarah's parent to tell her that Sarah and Anna are just going to her house this week, due to Sarah hurting herself. Parent then goes on to say that her house is a tip and that's why she's not inviting Zoe, that the girls won't be doing much, there's not much point, other people in the household are ill and other general excuses etc. Basically tells Zoe that she's only inviting Anna, but sure Zoe can arrange something some other time. Despite knowing that Zoe's guardian only has her on this given day and she lives over 50 miles away all other days. Also knowing that Zoe had arranged to do stuff with Anna! Anna's parent, upon seeing Zoe's hurt came and arranged a separate event for them on a different day, where they picked her up and dropped her off from this other location.

AIBU to think this was rather rude of Sarah's parent and also extremely unfair? I'm obviously still mulling it over a week later, hence posting on here. Should Zoe's guardian have said something at the time, or the next time she sees Sarah's parent? What would you have done in this situation?

Sorry if this is long, trying to set up the back story and also trying not to drip feed.

I've read this a few times and don't quite understand. If something was pre-arranged why didn't you must say to Sarah's parent I'm sorry but we have something arranged.

Viviennemary by the time I'd got down to the carpark everyone seemed to have known the (change in) plans bar me. I was kicking myself straight after for not saying something at the time.
I don't know why I didn't say anything though. Every time I went to open my mouth Sarah's parent got in there with an excuse, but talking to Zoe with the excuses rather than me. I was dealing with an upset child who was trying to hide the fact she was upset, whilst trying to come up with a response that didn't seem sharp/offish in front of the children. I had nothing.
I don't know why my mind went so blank, but even an "I'm sorry but I thought we had something arranged for all of them" which is perfectly reasonable wasn't forthcoming in my head. Looking back I really should have said something at the time, but something just stopped that from happening. Until afterwards of course, when all the things I could've said poured into my head.

I don't know what the answer is, but just wanted to empathise.

It's heartrending to see your dc being hurt or disappointed by the thoughtless or self-centred actions of others, even if it is 'just life'.

I expect the op didn't say anything at the time because she was caught on the back foot.

There is sometimes a good reason for things not happening as planned, which might not be immediately apparent to a child. I must admit I would struggle to see one in this case.

did you actually arrange anything for all 3 children with both sets of parents?

if you didnt bother arranging it with sarahs parents, then she has cleverly outmanoevered you but annas parent obviously didnt seem to think anything was arranged either

confused now

MrsRuffdiamond I think the good thing that came out of this was that both girls got to spend one-on-one time with their friend and didn't have to deal with any issues that may have cropped up if they'd been a three. Still not fair mind, but it's the spin I put on it after it had happened and the plan had been made for Anna's dad to go out of his way to arrange a different play date. Not ideal for everyone involved, but I do believe everything happens for a reason.
I think it's more heartrending when the hurt or disappointment has been caused by another adult. If it had been a child I'd have just put it down to them not thinking or taking others feelings into consideration. Obviously this can apply to adults to, I'd just always thought that most were usually more considerate where other children are concerned.

I think Sarah/Sarah's parents' noses were put out of joint by Anna and Zoe's originally arranging something together that excluded Sarah (why was that, by the way?).

You see I sort of get the being struck dumb by the sudden change in what you thought were the arrangements. But I don't understand why say half an hour later you didn't ring Sarah's mum and say you would come and pick up Anna so she could have some time with Zoe too?

After the clarifications and further posts, YANBU. Sounds to me like Sarah's mum got annoyed that (she perceived) Sarah to have been excluded, so highjacked it for her own benefit (her dd getting to play with Anna at the exclusion of yours). Did she think you had organised something with Anna's parent and left her out?

She sounds like she needs to grow up. This seems like a deliberate manoeuvre to change the plan and exclude your DD.

I had (stupidly?) thought that when Anna's parent was messaging through the week that it was to both and that things had been arranged with both as numerous messages talked about all the girls etc. I realised I had perhaps put my foot it in when I mentioned to Sarah's parent that Anna was coming to meet the two girls at the end of the activity for them all to go do something, when she asked "Is she?"
Cue me wondering if I had put my foot in it or just got my details wrong. Anna's parent, however upon arriving did confirm that they had messaged both of us with that piece of information. Mentioned it at least twice to Sarah's parent that they had text them with it and once in front of me when Sarah's parent mentioned they hadn't got their phone on them. Anna's parent then went on to say they had also mentioned it to a close relation of Sarah's (whom the parent would have seen that day) and got a reply from them so was shocked the message hadn't been passed on. Lol, mercibucket, the more I think of all that happened, the more I think you may be correct with the outmanoeuvring!

Perhaps she had planned this all along! Or perhaps she was just being extremely thoughtless. I would like to think it's the latter, not that it makes her actions any better, but I think it makes them slightly less harsh towards a child if it came from being thoughtless rather than being downright mean.

Always.

It sounds like them talking to your DD was a deliberate ploy. They blindsided you - don't kick yourself - sounds like you weren't expecting it.

That was horribly mean of them Always. And it's easy after the event to say I should have said this or that or I should have told them just to ..
Under the circumstances it's hard to understand how people can be this thoughtless. But try not to dwell on it.

redskyatnight I don't have Sarah's mum's phone number, just the other close relation mentioned in my last post as it used to be that relative that brought Sarah to the activity. Sarah's mum had mentioned (as one of her excuses) that the reason she was only inviting Anna and not Zoe was because said close relative was ill so I didn't want to then bother someone who was ill in bed.

Did Anna's mother not explain why she allowed her dd to go off with Sarah's mum when she had arranged to do something with all three of them herself?

Surely she felt the need to say something when she saw the plan being changed and your girl being excluded?
I can't believe the pair of you stood there like stuffed dummies while Sarah's mum shoved two of the girls into her car and drove off...

Well now you have added to it I think Sarahs parent had been very mean excluding Zoe..it doesn't sound liek it was done on purpose at all

But why on earth did Anna's parent Guardian go along with it when they had previously been in contact with you ? What did they have to say about this ?

Argghh sorry...it doesn't sound liek it was done on purpose at all..I mean it doesn't sound like it was done innocently