to ask this Godparent question at the moment...

[cheepsskram]

...or even ever.

My DD is 9 and my DS is 6 and a half. They have 2 sets of God-Parents, my DB, a good family friend and my best friend from Uni and her DH. I am God mother to her DD but not her DS. My Uni friend and her 'DH' separated and divorced almost 6 years ago. He has only been in touch with me about 5 and a half years ago and that was to do with my best friend. He has seen DS once since his christening and that was before the divorce. I don't want to drip feed but he and I had had a rocky relationship (I never thought he was good enough for my friend) and he was really asked in an "I accept you both together and want to put the past behind us" kind of way. He'd mentioned to my DH (who he kept in touch with a little longer) about sending birthday cards etc but they never materialised (conversation was around DDs B'day).

Anyway, Uni friend has remarried and her new DH (let's call him Greg) is her absolute soulmate. I've known him since before they were a couple (through her, they were friends before). He is such a lovely guy and my DH has struck up a good friendship with him too. She is the nominated guardian to the children in our wills. Our children also think he's ace.

About a year ago (not long after they married), my DH said to me that he'd like to ask Greg to act as the children's Godfather and guardian along with my BF. I agreed but said that I think it's the kind of thing you ask face to face. They live quite far away so we haven't seen them in almost a year (we usually spend Easter together).

In that time, Bf and Greg have had a baby. I am going to see them this weekend. Part of me is desperate to ask Greg to take a more official role in my DC's lives and I genuinely do think he'll be honoured. However I'm an over-thinker and I worry that they might think /I/we are angling to be asked to be the new baby's Godparent/s.

Would you, if you were my BF? Should I mention it this weekend or wait?

Sorry this is so long, I just felt the background was necessary.

I would leave it for the time being.

It would be bad timing around the birth of his 1st baby.

I would just be honest and say what you wrote here if its the only face to face time you see them. Otherwise it will be another year past.

I too would wait. The timing doesn't feel right.

Am I right in thinking that you can officially 'ungodparent' someone. That's presuming it was a Christian service?

Thank you for your help. I didn't know you could ask to formally remove godparents. This is something I I'd like to investigate.

I don't know about all churches but if your child was baptised within the Catholic Church then you cannot just change Godparents. I would imagine that applies to most other churches.

You haven't mentioned religion at all in your post. The actual role of a godparent is to guide your child spiritually within the faith that they were baptised. You are not supposed to pick them on the basis that you are suggesting you want to pick Gregg on anyway.

I agree with Fefifo.
The Godparents made promises at the baptism of your child. Sadly, circumstances have changed and one of the Godparents is no longer active in this role, but I don't think you can just ask someone else to "become" a Godparent. Your dc have already been baptised - they can't be baptised again.

Obviously, if you are writing wills and want to make someone a legal guardian, then that can be anyone you want.

I don't understand why you asked this chap though if you never really liked him?

It was a Catholic baptism. Bf and her ex have are not Catholic but the other godparents are.

It's a good question re why did we ask him. We shouldn't have in hindsight. I Should have trusted my gut instinct. I adore my friend and I think I probably used it as a token to her, thinking to myself, well I have my Catholic godparents.

I doubt we could change any Catholic records add there was no coercion etc. Just a bad choice.

Amending the wills is probably the best way to go.

It was a Catholic baptism. Bf and her ex have are not Catholic but the other godparents are.

It's a good question re why did we ask him. We shouldn't have in hindsight. I Should have trusted my gut instinct. I adore my friend and I think I probably used it as a token to her, thinking to myself, well I have my Catholic godparents.

I doubt we could change any Catholic records add there was no coercion etc. Just a bad choice.

Amending the wills is probably the best way to go.

It was a Catholic baptism. Bf and her ex have are not Catholic but the other godparents are.

It's a good question re why did we ask him. We shouldn't have in hindsight. I Should have trusted my gut instinct. I adore my friend and I think I probably used it as a token to her, thinking to myself, well I have my Catholic godparents.

I doubt we could change any Catholic records add there was no coercion etc. Just a bad choice.

Amending the wills is probably the best way to go.

I have no idea why that posted 3 times. Sorry

I have always considered being a godparent being a bit notional. It doesn't actually confer any legal responsibility in relation to guardianship should anything happen to you or DH.

My DH is Godfather to 5 children, from 5 different families (El Padrone!). I hope to goodness none of them expect us to actually take any of them on in the event of something awful happening. I, on the other hand, have never been deemed responsible (or godly) enough to have a godchild, even though I am chief card and present buyer.

I would leave it as it is. No need to change anything.

I think the whole Godparent role has evolved to something different now days. It holds little gravitas other than being a guidance in the spiritual sense. You have named your BF legal guardian, that'll be enough if something were to happen to you.

Would appear the role of Godparent to you is more of a 'sign of appreciation' than to be a spiritual guide.

We swapped/replaced DS1' s godfather. the first choice turned out to be a shit. Was quite cathartic really!

I think you'll just have to seperate the godfather & guardian roles in your head. Just amend the guardianship in your wills but I wouldn't mention it when you see them - it's not hugely appropriate if you're there to see their baby. I don't think there's much you can do re the original godparent (friends ex). Your children have got 2 sets. I'm not sure how much amending you can do to the original roles. My youngest daughters godfather died very suddenly & we're not nominating another one ifyswim.

I think you're over thinking the need to formally appoint Greg- he may even be embarrassed by it. I would just leave as is, with Greg tagging along with your bf in the godparent role. Obviously you need to change your wills if bf's ex is listed as guardian ( in fact that would be a major priority for me) but that is a separate issue- my dc's guardian in the event our our death is not a godparent.

I know someone who had another GP added at a later date. They had another service and the new GP was added. The "child" was about 14 and the new GP was his aunt's husband!

You seriously have a legal document with this guy listed as a guardian? Change it asap!

You do seem to have confused guardian with godparent. And I do hope you have spelt out to your friend what you anticipate her taking on in the event of your deaths.

Agree with everyone that this is their new baby time not a time for you to be yakking on about her ex boyfriend or their possible parental responsibilities for your DC.

Thanks for your thoughts. I'll not mention anything.

I would just like to clarify though that I am not confusing the roles of Godparent and guardian and that the ex is not in our wills as a legal guardian, only my friend is. She was asked if she would be willing to do that before we did it. I did mention in my OP that the children have 2 other Godparents and neither of them are in line to be guardians should anything happen to DH and I. Their other two Godparents are Catholic, and while my friend is not, she is Christian and will guide my children spiritually as well as morally.

I'm not using it as a sign of appreciation. In hindsight, I did with her XH but also in my defence, I hadn't liked him, worked hard to like him and I genuinely did by the birth of the children but after my DD was born, he spectacularly fucked up and sadly my initial instinct had been right after all.

I think the other replies have said it really - a god parent is nothing more than a person who agrees to guide a child spiritually. There is no other obligation other than that.

AFAIK, you can't change godparents without having another baptism service - certainly in the C of E, the godparents make promises before God, not sure if that is the same in the catholic church.

You can of course ask anyone you like to set an example spiritually for your children and if your BF's husband is appropriate to do that, along with you BF, then you don't need to ask him to be a god parent in order to do that.

As others have said, being a guardian and asking someone to take your children in if anything were to happen to you is something entirely different. There is no link at all between being a godparent and a guardian. However, if you have nominated someone in your will to be a guardian that is no longer appropriate then you obviously need to change your will.

My understanding is that you can't change Godparents, not in the Catholic church anyway. You could ask Greg to be a Confirmation sponsor if your children are to be confirmed?

I don't think they need 4 godparents. You don't have to 'replace' your friend's ex with her nice one. Sounds like they have the moral/spiritual guidance from their other godparents and they can just forget about him completely. Don't mention it when you go to see her new baby.