Another wedding etiquette one

[DangerRabbit]

My colleague is getting married in a couple of weeks. We have a pleasant working relationship and our feelings towards each other are I guess somewhere between neutral and warm. Our roles require us to work closely together around once a week.

Anyway my colleague didn't send me an invite to her wedding, nor was I particularly expecting one. However on a night out a couple of weeks ago we had a 1:1 conversation where she asked me whether I had received a wedding invite from her (which was quite embarrassing because I then had to tell her she hadn't given me one). She apologised and told me she intended to give me an evening invite as she would like to see me there. However, no invite was forthcoming.

Today a group of us were out for lunch and the bride apologised to us for writing the time and venue wrong for the evening invites. She appeared to include me in the conversation. She also confided in me another time that she was worried people might just not show up to her wedding on the day. The wedding has been organised quite quickly as it was a whirlwind romance.

My instinct is to assume that my colleague was just being polite and didn't, in fact, intend to invite me to her wedding, as presumably if she wanted to invite me, she would have given me an invite by now. But as I have to work closely with this person I'm also worried about offending her by not showing up on the day if she did in fact intend to invite me and is just being disorganised. AIBU to just say nothing to her about the invite and not show up? Or WIBU to mention to her that I haven't received an invite yet and create a potentially socially awkward situation if she doesn't want me there? I'm not bothered about attending or not but I don't want to sour our relationship as we get on well when we share an office 1 day a week.

Well Dangerrabbit I'm not sure. I spoke to my nephew who asked my opinion on the venues. Ie which I preferred and why. I then got a save the day and booked hotel and ordered dress wedding pressy. OH booked 4 days off work to travel attend and see family. Then out of the blue I got a message over Facebook from my nephews fiancé saying weddings are expensive and we are not invited. We can go to the evening do and see them the day after if we want. I have never spoken to this girl and am really upset at my nephew. I haven't heard anything from him.

Pasithea

Massively wrong of them to send you a save the date and then not invite you to their wedding. Are you sure they agree on that? Maybe she's gone all bridezilla and they've had words? I can see it now...
Bride: "I've never met Aunty and Uncle Pasithea, do they have to come?"
Groom: "Yes. They're family."
Bride: "Blah, blah, blah, can't afford it... blah, blah, blah... never met them... blah, blah, blah... not having strangers at MY wedding!"
Groom: "Well I'm not going to be the one who tells them."
Bride: "Fine!"

I would phone the nephew and ask him to explain. If he doesn't know what she's been doing, he can have it out with her. If he is complicit, you could remind him that, yes weddings are expensive, you have forked out for travel, accommodation, outfits and a wedding present and are extremely annoyed to be told, on a social media site (the cowards way out) that you are no longer welcome. Say you will have to let the rest of the family know that you have been told not to attend, and perhaps they will decide not to attend as well, thus easing the cost.

Danger rabbit, if you're not bothered about attending the wedding you may or may not be invited to, yes sound out the bride to be about whether you had an invitation, but say sadly you won't be able to make it, just so that she knows.

I don't want to know. I was excluded from her 30th birthday party , all of my family attended. That was in February , my mum said to him wasn't he inviting me and he just shrugged and walked away. My family would not go just because I was not invited . I thought at the time oh well it's her birthday. But apparently she really doesn't like me due to something that I said within her earshot to someone else. I can't remember and don't know what it was.

My brother went to see them but I don't know what they said. He has never called or texted me. That's fine I will not go to a wedding I am not wanted at and I have taken him out my will and will be nc in future.

Wow Pasithea, the bride really has a rat up her arse about you doesnt she. If you've never spoke to his girl, how the hell can she get offended over something.

Childish spoilt brat behaviour. I hope she doesn't ruin his life with her behaviour. I hate what she has done to him.

For the OP: it sounds to me very much like you're invited and she is just being scatty about the actual physical invites. However if you're not keen to go anyway I'd suggest you just to tell her that unfortunately you aren't free. Then if for any reason she didn't actually want you there she's had a non-awkward escape. And if she did want you there, then at least you've not just snubbed her.

I'd just bring it up in a 1:1 conversation - ask how the wedding plans are going and (if she doesn't mention it herself) say something like "I know you'd asked me about attending the evening do - I'd have loved to come but...[insert excuse]"

You have already told her she hasn't sent you an invite, and yet she still hasn't actually invited you. Ergo you are not invited. Stop stressing and if you are asked, say you haven't had an invite and so how would you know where or when it actually is to attend in the first place?