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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by this question

24 replies

Anydrinkwilldo · 16/04/2014 20:16

Sooooo myself and dh are currently ignoring each other because I blew up at him when he asked SIX times 'so what did you do today?' Am I the only SAHM to find this question hugely insulting?

OP posts:
Walnuss · 16/04/2014 20:18

It completely depends on the tone and context. DH asks me but out of interest in what DD and I have been up to and if she has had a nice day. If there is an implication that you have done nothing and he has a problem with that, then he is out of order.

ikeaismylocal · 16/04/2014 20:20

Why didn't you tell him what you did today the first time he asked? Very odd to not reply to a perfectly normal question.

Objection · 16/04/2014 20:20

Confused depends on how it was asked as I guess.

"So what did you do today?"
vs
"So WHAT did you do today?"

gordyslovesheep · 16/04/2014 20:22

blimey - he had the nerve to ask what you had done today - what a cock - LTB

gamerchick · 16/04/2014 20:22

well it depends on how it was asked.

If it was a general 'what did you do today' as in how did your day go dear.. then I would answer.

If it was huffing and puffing while going round the house and asking.. 'what DID you do all day' then a pair of pliers applied to snagies may fleetingly enter my head.

WestieMamma · 16/04/2014 20:24

My husband asks me this every day as soon as he comes in because he's missed us and wants to know, even if the answer is that we just slobbed around eating icecream and watching dvds. Why don't you want to be asked?

WooWooOwl · 16/04/2014 20:27

You have to be working really hard to find that insulting.

Irritating maybe. That I get. But why didn't you just answer him the first time?

PedantMarina · 16/04/2014 20:32

Not sure if this applies, but DH once lost a friend (obviously not a good one) because he'd always launch into a [phone] conversation by saying: "How are you, are you OK?" and [friend] thought that was hectoring and inefficient absolutely never got that was just the way he talked (it was: I heard DH on the phone with his mother countless times).

Agree much depends on his he's asking.

Perhaps a slightly roundabout way to ask how DCs are doing/development? Not sure how old, etc...

Original poster
Anydrinkwilldo · 16/04/2014 20:40

He asked, I told him. Then he asked again. And again. And again. I'm not lying when I say he asked 6 times in total. And the answer was take it easy as the DCs are sick. He said he was waiting for our 2y/o to answer?!?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 16/04/2014 20:44

So he's just not listening?
Asking as in small talk?

LaurieFairyCake · 16/04/2014 20:46

You're feeling defensive and you don't have to defence yourself - sitting on your arse with sick kids is perfectly fine Smile

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 16/04/2014 20:53

Wait so did he ask you, you answered, and then he asked the same question to your 2yo, but you thought he was asking you again?

Original poster
Anydrinkwilldo · 16/04/2014 21:14

No oneday he repeated the question to me and when I challenged him later came up with the excuse that he was asking 2y/o. I had also been telling him during the day through text how our day was going

OP posts:
gamerchick · 16/04/2014 21:17

Well next time dont answer him and assume he's asking the toddler... sorted.

SystemIDUnknown · 16/04/2014 21:24

Depends - if the tone was 'So what have you being doing today dear?' - YABU.

If the tone was 'So what the fuck have you been doing with yourself all day you lazy wench, this house is a shit pit' - YANBU.

Objection · 16/04/2014 21:37

In which case YABU.
Jesus, he was probably just tired and repeated himself by mistake - I know I've done it before.

You sound like hard work.
You also sound like you have a problem about being a SAHM if you're trying to find reasons to be defensive Confused

Only1scoop · 16/04/2014 21:41

Blimey 'when you challenged him about it'

Don't worry he probably won't ask you tmrw....or dc

deakymom · 16/04/2014 21:41

6 times? i would be pissed off to be honest especially if i had been texting him all day i prob would have replied texting you so WTF were you doing?

iwasyoungonce · 16/04/2014 21:51

It is understandable to be a bit irritated by being asked the same question 6 times, because the implication is he is not listening to the answer.

But this doesn't appear to be the root of your issue. Your title says that you are annoyed by this question.

You also ask "Am I the only SAHM to find this question hugely insulting?"

Well, yes, YABU. It's not an insulting question. I think there is a lot more going on beneath the surface if this question can cause you so much offence.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 16/04/2014 21:55

If he does it again give him six different answers.

rollonthesummer · 16/04/2014 21:56

6 times? Really?

Andrewofgg · 16/04/2014 22:05

DW was SAHM and never resumed full-time work. And I would be dead meat if I did not ask that question soon after I got home - and take (or sometimes fake) an interest in the answer!

PansOnFire · 16/04/2014 22:12

My DH asks the same question more than once when he's tired and not really listening to me. Maybe he was tired, trying to make small talk and concentrating on something else? I do the same!

Next time just make a joke about it, it's not worth an argument but I can see why it's annoying especially when you've been looking after poorly DC.

emms1981 · 17/04/2014 01:04

My husband seems to have a problem when I do stuff round the house. I change the beds and he says oh your not doing that again are you? Cut the grass and that was wrong. At least he asked mine gets in and plays minecraft

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