Ds's friend is a biter and so on. Aged 3

[Flofloflo]

Name change. I suppose this isn't really AIBU but unsure where to post. Ds is 3 and has 2 friends who we see regularly. Albeit, their mums are my friends really, ds has known the boys all his life. One of the friends is perfectly lovely, the other there is a bit of an issue with. This boy was a biter aged 18 months, which I didn't consider a massive issue at the time, although it was sometimes hard to see ds be bitten by him. I accepted this as an age issue, and perhaps lack of communication skills etc. the mum always told him off by the way.
Skip forward to 3 years old and we are still getting instances of this kind of behaviour, biting, pushing, kicking. My ds has expressed not wanting to see him. Des anyone have any advice on how to handle this? I do not want to offend or upset anyone, but I am struggling to want to take ds to play dates with him as he's just not enjoying it at the moment.

Can you clarify - Is the child who bites others now age 6?

Sorry if I wasn't clear, they are all 3.

What happens now when he bites or hits your son? It doesn't sound like his mum is effectively stopping or dealing with it if it happens so frequently. Don't get me wrong, I have my own little ds who will sometimes hit, so I know it's not uncommon, but the boy needs to be removed from the situation if he really won't stop doing it. I think listen to your own little boy. Maybe have a chat with his mum if that's possible and talk together about how to manage it, and if nothing changes, then arrange a few play dates with other friends.

His mum does address it and tells him off, but he often cries after being told off, and then she hugs him which sometimes I think dilutes the discipline. We're all still learning though so I don't want to be too critical of her, but I am finding myself making excuses not to see them. I wish I was more assertive then I would address it I suppose. On the flip side, ds is very assertive and always says when pushed etc "no don't do that" so at least he's standing up for himself I suppose.

His Mum is giving him conflicting messages. Telling him off and then hugging him because he is upset?
That just teaches him to cry to get sympathy.

His Mum should be firm with him and take him away if he continues to bite.
If your DS does not want to see him and no one is stopping the child's biting behaviour,...don't make your child see him!

I second what davsmum said. If your son is saying he doesn't want to play with him then you need to listen to him.

Yes you're both right of course. I just wish I knew how to address it with his mum. I've known her for several years and not seeing them without an explanation would be a bit iffy. I'm not very good at this sort of thing sadly.

Tell her the truth "can I be honest with you Mabel, whenever we meet up littleflo gets bitten and he doesn't like it and I'm getting tired of it happening. I'm happy for us to meet up as a group of girls together, but I can't have DS being bitten". She may be causing a similar issue at a toddler group etc where mums won't tell her that it's a problem.

Thanks for the advice, will try and work up to it, could do with an assertiveness course first though :-)