To bin this letter and not ring them about DS?

[Oddthomas]

Got a letter about 4yo DS today. He was weighed and measured last month at school (yes, it's one of those threads). The letter says he is overweight :( It lists the dangers of being overweight with the line "you are putting your child at risk of..." and finishes with the sentence "to obtain support on what to feed your child please contact..." and the phone number for the nurse who visited the school. Also enclosed was a change 4 life leaflet.

I sat and I read the leaflet and there is nothing in there that we don't already do. He gets at least five portions of fruit and veg a day. He has at least 60 minutes of exercise (usually more as school alone is a 20-30 minute walk each way and he's always in the garden on his trampoline or scooter, rain or shine). He doesn't have fizzy drinks (despite his best efforts to persuade me that all of his friends do) and I don't keep sweets in the house, gets them now and then as a treat, generally when we visit grandparents.

He's always been on the high end of the charts, 95th percentile at birth and stayed there right through his baby and toddlerhood. He's a solid little thing but when he's got his top off I can see ribs and the knobs of his spine, he doesn't have any rolls, has just the one chin, and he's in the appropriate clothing sizes (a mix of 3-4 and 4-5).

Yesterday he ate:

• breakfast: blueberry wheats (like shredded wheat with blueberry filling) in one of the kids bowls with semi-skimmed milk. A banana.
• lunch: cheese and tomato sandwich (one slice of bread, folded over and then cut in two), sliced apple, sliced red and yellow pepper. A seafood stick. Three pieces of tuna and vegetable sushi.
• dinner: chicken and mushroom tagliatelle with broccoli and sweetcorn in a homemade garlic cream sauce (garlic, herbs, low fat creme fraiche).

Drinks: glass of milk with lunch, the rest of the day either plain water or very weak sugar free squash. He has a drinks bottle that we top up as needed so he always has a drink available. We went to the park in the morning, walked there and back, and to a softplay after dinner.

Today, so far, he has had marmite on toast (two slices from one of those mini-sized 400g loaves), a satsuma, an apple and tuna pinwheels for lunch (tuna in a flour tortilla with mixed leaves, rolled up and sliced). Dinner tonight is going to be Spag Bol, lean steak mince with homemade sauce and hidden veg. We're about to head to the adventure playground for the afternoon.

This is all pretty typical fare. At school he has school dinners. Typical menus include pizza and wedges with carrot sticks followed by cake and custard or breaded chicken pieces (nuggets then?) with potatoes and seasonal vegetables followed by cake and custard. I'm now considering putting him on packed lunch instead!

He seems healthy enough to me, I'm not filling him full of shit and he never sits still and I mean never, he's a fidgeter. My siblings and I were all solid children, when I compared DS to photos of me and my siblings at the same age we all have a similar build, and we all stretched out around about when puberty hit.

AIBU to just bin this letter? Or should I be paying attention to their chart rather than the child in front of me?

All his meals are from toddler plates and bowls. Know the Ikea plastic kids bowls and plates that come in a coloured stack? Can't remember the name, the 90-something pence ones. That's what we use for his food and I tend to use a dessert spoon. So beans on toast would be a slice of bread from a small loaf and around two spoons of beans. When I do a roast dinner he has a slice of meat, around a tablespoon of peas, 4-5 carrot batons, a piece of broccoli, 2-3 roast potatoes (depending on size, I generally cut them on the small side so they cook faster), a Yorkshire pudding and a little bit of gravy (which he doesn't like). When I make soup or stew or pasta I half fill one of the Ikea bowls, sometimes he asks for more once its all gone and sometimes he doesn't. Cereal also goes in one of those bowls and again is half full. His favourite at home lunch is sweetcorn, he has a mini corn on the cob (half the size of a normal cob) which I grill because he likes the outside slightly crispy, one mini cob seems enough to satisfy him because he never asks for more/anything else on days when we have that. On the odd occasion he has packed lunch at school or days when we take a lunch out with us he has a small sandwich (ham or cheese usually), half a dozen cucumber sticks or cherry tomatoes, a small banana or apple and a yoghurt tube, normally one item goes uneaten (but if I don't pack it each time then Sod's law decrees he'll want it all).

I'm not sure what the portion sizes are at school but they're changing their provider in September so we've (all the parents) been invited to go for a taster lunch of some of the meals that will be on it. I'm definitely going to be looking at what the current portion sizes are and if the new portion sizes will be the same or smaller/larger.

You know your child better than anyone - and his diet sounds pretty healthy! I'd bin the letter.
It seems to me that sometimes our HVs here are unhelpfully fixated on children's weight (not even BMI). I was told DD was overweight as her weight was 75th centile. She's above 99.6th centile for height, so clearly nonsense.

DS is 105 cm and only 16.5kg. I can easily see how 4 kg more at a similar height would be pushing towards overweight.

Yes, ds3's friends parents got a letter to say their son was overweight. They were aghast and in complete denial. He is their PFB. They asked my opinion (cringe) and I mentioned muttered that he was much bigger than ds when they were standing together so it might be worth speaking to their GP about it. They claimed it was because ds was so "tiny" that their ds looked bigger. Ds is 75 percentile for height and weight - so not small.

They have never mentioned it again and he is certainly not getting any smaller.

Miaow ds3 was a nightmare, 3/4 of an hour trying to weigh and measure him so im not sure its right. Especially as she then worked it out wrong and added 6lbs to his weight

I got one of these today too. Really enjoyed the condescending leaflet about swapping fizzy drinks for squash (he has water) and swapping fries for thick-cut oven chips (we don't eat processed food). I send him with fruit, vegetable sticks and yoghurt to accompany his wholemeal sandwich at packed lunch so found the leaflet completely unhelpful! I'm seeing my GP this week just for some reassurance as I can't believe he is overweight. He has the healthiest diet out of all the children I know, I give him correct portion sizes and he's extremely active - him and his dad just completed a mile long fun run, he attends swimming lessons, rugby sessions and football training as well as walking everywhere.

Someone on the thread I asked about this on suggested it could be muscle so maybe your child is the same? My son doesn't have a belly or flabby limbs that I would associate with being overweight. He's quite thick in his torso but can see ribs front and back. He's got chubby cheeks but unluckily for him this is a family trait! I'm pretty sure whatever test they use to assess this is generic and doesn't take individual factors into account. I'm not allowing him to be measured again and will use my own judgement on his appearance in future.

Ds2 is just 4, taller than that and 18kg. I would say he is a fairly thick-set, solid type of kid.

However, he develops in fits and starts. He sometimes puts on loads of weight for a couple of months, then stays at the same weight for six months or more but grows several cm.

Depending on exactly at what point in that process you weigh him and measure him, you can get fairly different readings on his percentiles.

Yanbu put straight in recycling bin. His diet sounds absolutely great. You put me to shame

My son is apparently a couple of pounds overweight. He does approximately 10 hours of sport a week plus playing out. I tend to ignore it to be honest, when he has no shirt on you can see all his ribs, though he does have a little pot belly. The GP isn't at all concerned, we only know because he was weighed at a medical checkup.

oly4:

"Putting your child on and off the scales, taking them to doctors, discussing it with family/OH when you think they're not listening but they are"

Why would anyone discuss this with family when the child is in earshot? And the OP has already admitted she puts her child on the scales every day as part of a measuring game

I don't put him on every day. I put him on today so I could see for myself what he weighs and he decided it was his new favourite game to hop on and off, it's the first time I've put him on my scales as they're normally in the cupboard.

Our GP has known him since he was a newborn, before that if you count preconception and antenatal care. When we go there for any reason he loves to stand on the doctor's scales because they're fancy and electric and have nice red numbers. The GP always indulges him and will press the buttons to make it work and he (the GP) always tells me the reading but has never once told me its too high and he always comments on how very active DS is, "live wire" is his phrase.

Oh, my mistake, OP, just that oly4 seemed to be implying that the best way to deal with a possible overweight child was to deny there was a problem. Just thought that was the exact opposite of what you should do.

Be so careful about doing or saying anything that will let him know you think he's over weight - I was constantly told as a child that I was "big" or "chubby" and needed to "be careful" and was only allowed half of things my mother begged and bribed my "skinny" sister to have 2 of - photos show us to be similar builds as children, it took my 3rd much younger sister to point it out for me to see it! I've always had a very bad relationship with food though - self fulfilling prophesy, and my "skinny" sister became anorexic by her teens... I think interfering esp. if you allow him to get wind he's been labelled, and making an issue can do more harm tbh.

For this reason we didn't have DD weighed at school, just measured and her eyes tested. I just refused that part of the test and the HV was fine about it. DD is in age appropriate clothes, she's tall so in 5-6years for trouser length (she's 4.5yo).

DD has a reasonably well balanced diet, isn't obviously chubby and to be honest at 4yo, I don't want her knowing her weight or anything about that kind of thing. She eats a good mix of food, mostly drinks water, doesn't like fizzy drinks etc.

However the HV at school did say she looked fine. If someone said she was looking overweight then I would get her checked out at the GP though. I hope we're not too precious about it :)

Bin the letter. If you're worried chat to your GP.

My HV was very overweight herself so I would not have trusted her judgement about my DCs weight anyway

I think a problem for sme people is their perception of what they're eating (not you op).
So a sandwich lunch to person a means; an egg sandwich on brown bread with a few cucumber sticks on side. Person b is a jam sandwich on crap white bread with a few crisps on side. Same meal, different meal.

Has anyone got an underweight letter? My Ds hasn't had the weighing yet but I've just calculated it myself and it's normal bmi range. My 3 year old is classed as overweight though which I would agree with, he is still holding some of his baby fat.
I think writing down a daily diet isn't always easy as portion sizes are so varied - my 5 year old has 2 rounds of toast/sandwiches and is skinny.

There is research getting parents to look at "shadow" silhouettes of different weights of children, and asking them to choose which silhouette best matched their child.

The parents of overweight and obese children select a silhouette at least one, if not two or three more slender than their child actually is.

Proving that we are becoming "blind" to obesity, and increasingly have no idea what a normal weight child looks like.

I estimate peoples weight/bmi every day at work. I'm often 10kg under for adults, with obese people sometimes as much as 30kg. And I am constantly practising, constantly looking, and checking where I can against a measured weight.

So don't ignore it. By all means re-measure. But don't ignore.

Marking place because I will be getting one of these letters for DS (4). Haven't had one yet but will definitely receive one as he is pretty heavy and a bit squishy round his tummy. He does however eat healthily and fro toddler bowls as described on here. I notice when I pick him up from school that lots of other kids get a snack straight after leaving school - he doesn't. Absolutely no snacks. Or drinks other than water/milk. No processed food. Small packet of sweets once a week for a treat, that's it.

Typical day is:

Breakfast -- porridge made with semi skimmed and a drizzle of agave syrup. Apple.
Snack at school playtime - I think they get a piece of fruit.
Lunch -- at school. School lunches are pretty good. Maybe chicken, potato wedges and salad plus either fruit or a pudding. He could do without the pudding but I can't police that at school and it's not huge.
Dinner--boiled egg and one piece of toast plus an apple. Or carrots, humous and pitta.

At the moment he has swimming twice a week plus football club and an after school club based around sport. Plus general running around and weekend activities. This week he is at sports camp all week. So not possible to fit that much more in.

I really don't think there's that much more I can do without creating a new problem iyswim. Some children just are bigger. The first words ever spoken about him on this planet were "this one's going to be a rugby player" - as the obstetrician hauled him out! So I'm not surprised he's big and I really don't want to medicalise this. I always read these threads though in case anyone has any interesting suggestions beyond the pointless change4life stuff about ditching fizzy drinks etc. he doesn't even know they exist.

My DS is 4, 104cm and 16kg so 4 kg more does sound like a lot but I know some children are just more 'solid' than others. Not fat, solid. My friend's son who is the same age is 2cm more than my DS but easily 20+kg but really isn't fat. He is just solid and has been from very tiny - his dad is well over 6 foot and very muscular so the body type is there whereas my DH is 5 foot 6 and very slim.

The only thing I would say is to keep an eye on the portion sizes and the amount he is actually eating over a day. While the food all sounds healthy and I would love it if my DS would eat half of those things, it does sound like a lot of food for a 4 yr old. My DS has a crap diet in comparison and eats a lot of carbs but he probably only eats half of what you've listed over a day at the most. Some days he eats much less than that.

Is it me or is that a very small dinner for a child who has just spent a whole day at school, quangle?

I think it's quite small too! He does have a proper cooked lunch at school so he doesn't always have a cooked meal in the evening unless I have just made something special. Yesterday they had home made lamb burgers with quinoa and carrot salad and I still find myself fretting about the bloody number on his school letter!

He is overweight I suspect (prob 22kg and quite tall but don't know precisely how tall so can't give exact measurements). But really, I can't do more than I already do and so I just waver between worrying and trying to cut back further and ignoring.