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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked 10year old DD to get dressed?

17 replies

Lonecatwithkitten · 15/04/2014 12:12

School holidays, I work full time and have an AP. Last week I had to go to a conference so DD visited my Mum and AP went home to see her family.
At the weekend DSis and her family were here, yesterday DD and AP played in morning and went shopping in the afternoon.
Today as I have to work bank holiday weekend I have taken the day off to spend with DD. We have mooched about this morning in our PJs after she joined me in my bed for a lie in. This afternoon we had planned to go out to a local venue that has an Easter Egg Challenge. DD has been very needy this morning and now I have asked her to get dressed she has started screaming at me and throwing things. I wonder why I bother.

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 15/04/2014 12:16

At 10 years old that very bratty behaviour. You should give the Easter egg challenge a miss.

Sirzy · 15/04/2014 12:18

I would tell her if she isn't dressed by 12.30 you won't be going out today and instead she can help you with housework

Onesleeptillwembley · 15/04/2014 12:21

At 10 that's totally unacceptable. Tell her she's missed out on her trip, and why.

WorraLiberty · 15/04/2014 12:23

Blimey, if my 10yr old threw anything at me he'd be in massive trouble

Nocomet · 15/04/2014 12:23

I've just dragged my 13y out of bed.
She is going to buy a new school skirt.

This is non negotiable as she can not do up her old one. (She lives in trousers in the winter)

Shockers · 15/04/2014 12:24

Ask her if she'd rather stay in with you. I wonder whether she considers down time with you to be a real treat.

Shockers · 15/04/2014 12:25

BTW, I'm only saying to ask... what you do with information gleaned is your call.

constantstress · 15/04/2014 12:29

I am still in my pjs too. Perhaps she just wants to stay in but didn't communicate it well.

Davsmum · 15/04/2014 12:41

I would hardly call screaming & throwing stuff ' Not communicating well'
Its totally unacceptable. At ten years old she should be able to speak and explain what is bothering her!

How can it be unreasonable to ask a 10 yer old to get dressed?
If I got that reaction she would be going nowhere and would spend the rest of the day in her room.

constantstress · 15/04/2014 12:44

Davsmum - the point I was trying to make was that if she wanted to go out she'd get dressed. Not going out won't be a punishment if she doesn't want to go out anyway - more like a reward.

usualsuspectt · 15/04/2014 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cosikitty · 15/04/2014 12:53

I wouldn't care if she wanted to go out or not, my dd is in massive trouble of she dares to throw things at people!

Davsmum · 15/04/2014 13:08

constantstress

I wouldn't care what it was she wanted - I would make her get dressed to stay in her room. That would be her punishment. No point in taking her anywhere if she was going to be surly and brattish.

Shockers · 15/04/2014 13:13

Reading the OP, it sounds more like misery than 'naughtiness'. DD has been "needy" all morning because she is aware that this time with her mum won't last. It's neither the OP or her DD's fault that this is the case, so DD knows she's being unreasonable but can't articulate why.

It can either be an opportunity to punish, or a really valuable one to understand more about her DD. I'd hazard a guess that the second option would be far more use should this scenario ever crop up again.

Obviously I'm not there OP, so my take could be complete gubbins Grin.

Hope your day gets better.

Original poster
Lonecatwithkitten · 15/04/2014 13:25

I have asked her several times this morning if there is anything she'd like to talk about. There is a huge back story with alcoholic father and his alcoholic partner who have verbal abused her, but she has had no contact with them for three months.

I am putting it down to hormones and emotions. I do think she struggles with being an only, but also sharing me with work and has lots of torn emotions about that.
However, she stomped of upstairs and emerged dressed in a much better humour. Even willingly going across the road to the shop to get a loaf of bread for me. Maybe this afternoon will be better.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 15/04/2014 13:30

I asked my dd1 also 10 to get yesterday. She changed from her pj's which were leggings/t shirt type to a pair of leggings and a T shirt Grin.

It maybe hormones dd1 is very much "I WANT TOO BE AAAAAAAALONNNNNE" at the moment.

Davsmum · 15/04/2014 13:39

Obviously with the back story - your daughter does need understanding and reassurance and love, however, she still has to know that shouting and throwing is unacceptable and not the way to express herself or the way to get what she wants.
My daughter was her age when I divorced her Dad ( who was also alcoholic) - Her emotions about it all did not show up for a few years.

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