Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this is bullying

10 replies

farnywarny1192 · 15/04/2014 11:52

Namechanger due to forgotten password - not been here for a while!

My sons father takes it upon himself to regularly use me as a verbal punchbag....I dont know why - he has a new gf and baby and we split up nearly 7 yrs ago!

I can take it, yes it upsets me sometimes but I try not to let it bother me and remember that his life must be very dull...

Anyhow, ds (8) went to tennis camp last week for 3 days (collected each evening) and one of the days I was in work....I live with my mum so she agreed to drop ds there in the morning. Ds is literally growing at the speed of light (age 8 in 12-13 clothes - height and stocky, future rugby player?) The day my dm was dropping ds off I had said to him 'wear your new converse high tops as we know these fit, and choose any trackys out of the drawer' it was 8 hours of tennis ffs!

Off I went to work, and ds was being collected by his dad later on.
I wake up the next day to a torrent of abuse via text saying ds looked a f**cking tramp blah blah blah - this is not my issue.....

Ds came home the next day in a new tracksuit and trainers and I said to him he looked lovely and where were the tracksuit pants he had gone to dads in.....his eyes literally filled up with tears traight away and said 'well dad told me i looked an effin tramp mum and threw them in the bin'

I am furious.....I feel my ds was bullied by his dad, which ihave been for years and I worry now this may happen with other issues etc.....

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 15/04/2014 11:58

Hang on - he threw his new shoes in the bin?

CoffeeTea103 · 15/04/2014 12:01

Yanbu to feel so angry. Poor kid. You need to stand up to your ex, he can't treat you like this and your child.

NigellasDealer · 15/04/2014 12:03

yeh my ex does/did stuff like that, use their clothes to get at me.
most recently he did not like their coats, told them that obviously any money he sent was wasted, and cut off child support the following month.

what was wrong with the trackys? did you get the converse back?

Quoteunquote · 15/04/2014 12:06

what a twonk,

How sad for your son, he will have a tough few years ahead while he comes to terms about what an idiot he has for a father.

try to set boundries as to how it is acceptable to speak to you,

keep the abusive texts,

always respond without anger, and always point out you do not like abusive language, and could he try being polite.

the next decade is going to be really tough, good luck.

farnywarny1192 · 15/04/2014 12:14

he threw the tracksuit in the bin, he didnt like it. The funny part to me is that it came from HIS mum!!

I sobbed later on...seeing my boy so upset and vulnerable because of his own dad was heart breaking. He HAS since apologised, but I made him...

I keep the texts, I sometimes let myself get angry/upset and respond.

I was hospitalised last year with mental illness and leading up to this i had been slipping in the parenting dept - not being very attentive iykwim....he uses this as a stick to beat me with on an almost weekly basis.

Thing is, I am now fully better (medicated....but.....) and since coming out of hospital have acheived a lot (set up a small business, got a new pt job, completed some goals/confidence courses/started a gardening course) but all he see's is the mistakes I made when I was really ill. If I had a physical ailment I am sure he wouldnt be so mean...

His own dad was a bully and its the thing that he hates about him. I dont know why he is going the same way....he bullied me when we were together but I didnt realise it then

OP posts:
farnywarny1192 · 15/04/2014 12:17

didnt get the converse back, ds came home in asda pumps (like....wtf, how are they better?)

OP posts:
NigellasDealer · 15/04/2014 12:18

cheeky fucker

Pipbin · 15/04/2014 15:01

Converse are damn expensive. How dare he throw them away.

IAmNotAMindReader · 15/04/2014 15:30

I don't think its anything to do with the condition of the clothes to be honest but more that they have come from you. Even if someone else bought them he sees as they live at your house you have got them.

Its a more physical manifestation of the opinion that you aren't a good enough parent in his eyes (regardless of the truth), yet his behaviour is doing even more damage.

MexicanSpringtime · 15/04/2014 16:40

Obviously a bully. It has nothing to do with his opinion of you as a parent and everything to do with he knows that this is how he gets to hurt you.

Abusers look for our Achilles' heel and kick us there.

If I were you I would avoid sending your son in good clothes when he is going to be with his dad and I would tell your son that it is the only way to protect his good clothes and not to mind his father

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread