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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go to my friends wedding

22 replies

stopfuckingspraying · 15/04/2014 11:14

Her and her partner have had a rocky road, when she left her last time, she threatened to have her beat up outside her work place.

They seem to be "ok" now.

Apparently I am one of very few friends of hers going as there is not much room in the registry office.

Apart from not liking her partner, I have very little money and can't afford a new dress etc.

AIBU to say I am not well and miss the day?

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 15/04/2014 11:14

Tell her you are outmofmtown that day.

RahRahRasputin · 15/04/2014 11:15

If there's not much room so numbers are limited, it would be better to tell them in advance that you aren't going so that they can possibly invite someone else instead. Otherwise they'll just have an empty seat that could have been filled.

hellsbellsmelons · 15/04/2014 11:21

If you like your friend then why not support her?
You don't need a new dress.
I'm going to a wedding soon and not getting a new dress.
I realise you don't like the partner but I'd want to be there for my friend if she were getting married no matter who it was she was marrying.

Original poster

stopfuckingspraying · 15/04/2014 11:29

I do have to get a new dress because I am a tom boy and only own jeans!

Unless I wear my one and only blak dress that I have previously worn to a few occasions!

I do want to be there for her but money really is tight and It's in a different town

OP posts:

HairHelp · 15/04/2014 11:36

Wear your black dress then

SuburbanRhonda · 15/04/2014 11:44

Or go and pick something up in a charity shop.

SlimJiminy · 15/04/2014 11:48

I think it would be very unfair to say you'll go and then tell her you're unwell on the day. I assume you've accepted an invitation?

My best friend almost married an utter bastard so I do appreciate how hard it is for you. I was lucky, my friend called it off months before the wedding - but I'd have still been her bridesmaid if she'd gone through with it. She knew how I felt about him.

Re: being skint/no money for a new dress - you could try charity shops or borrow something from a friend. I've done both of those when I've wanted to make a bit of effort but not had the money to really splash out. I don't think it's a good enough excuse really.

yellowdinosauragain · 15/04/2014 11:49

Yab massively unreasonable to say on the day you're not well.

It's an invitation not a summons and if you don't want to go for whatever reason that's your call. However ffs tell your friend in advance so that she can either invite another friend or not have to pay for you to be there when you know you're not going to turn up.

yellowdinosauragain · 15/04/2014 11:51

Having said that be prepared for your friend to be hurt if the reason you give her is that you have nothing to wear. That's beyond ridiculous. Wear the black dress you have already or as a previous poster said borrow something from a friend.

WooWooOwl · 15/04/2014 11:53

You can't use being unwell as an excuse.

Be honest about why you don't want to go, unless you think it sounds lame and would show you up as a not very good friend. Or, get yourself round the charity shops and save up the bus fare.

Famzilla · 15/04/2014 11:58

Either say you can't go ASAP so she can invite someone else, or find an appropriate outfit from somewhere. Can you borrow a dress or something? My friends and I are always borrowing each other's clothes.

HecatePropylaea · 15/04/2014 11:59

If you don't want to go then just decline the invitation and give them the opportunity to offer the space to someone else.

Bogeyface · 15/04/2014 15:39

When is the wedding?

Sounds like you already RSVP'd to say you would go and now are thinking of chucking a sickie on the day, in which case YABVVU

BumpNGrind · 15/04/2014 15:45

I had a very close cousin pull a sickie on the wedding day and tbh it's made me think a little less of her so yabu to do that.

You are also being unreasonable to not support your friend. If this relationship ever did get violent (or if it already is) she's more likely to turn to a close friend who's been there through thick and thin-nobody wants to go to someone who says 'I told you so'.

Go, support your friend, wear trousers if you don't like dresses and be a good friend.

BackforGood · 15/04/2014 15:50

YANBU to not go, if you don't want to, or think they shouldn't be getting married, but YABmassivelyU to accept and then plan ahead to not turn up on the day - how selfish!

You've already said numbers are really tight - they could invite someone who actually wants to go.

YAalsoBU to say you can't go as you can't afford a new dress - that's not what weddings are about - wear something you have or trawl the charity shops for something if you must, but there simply is no need to have new clothes for a wedding.

DoJo · 15/04/2014 16:16

YANBU to not go, but YWBU to chuck a sickie and prevent someone else from going in your place.

SapphireMoon · 15/04/2014 16:33

I have been to 3 of one friend's weddings. Not always thought a great union but it would have hurt my friend if I made excuses.
Accessorise LBD with a necklace or nice scarf. Maybe a silk [look] flower in your hair and support her.

MammaTJ · 15/04/2014 16:43

A true friend would be there to support her, so she knows she would still be able to come to you if all went wrong.

They may well stay alright, they may not. Wouldn't you want to support her either way?

Cerisier · 15/04/2014 16:43

Your black dress with pretty scarf is the way to go then get up, dress up and support your friend. She wants you there and things won't be the same between you if you don't show.

AreWeThereYeti · 15/04/2014 16:50

YANBU - make up an excuse and get a little gift but don't go. We went to my BIL wedding when we knew they would get divorced within months, we were right . It was awful. We tried to be friendly and supportive but the whole day was a farce. They clearly hated each other.

Thankfully they didn't have kids.

CerealMom · 15/04/2014 17:53

Go
Wear the black dress
Given how you feel, it would be appropriate ;-)

Whitewaters · 15/04/2014 20:44

If there are very few friends invited and your one of them she obviously thinks highly of you so it would be a shame to let her down by not turning up on the day! Why not just speak to her? She might be able to suggest someone you could lift share with or be able to reassure you about how smart the wedding will be. As others have suggested borrow/charity shop something, or wear trousers. I'm sure she'd rather you were there, regardless of how you're dressed!

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