to think stopping co-sleeping, stopping bf-ing and moving house with toddler before baby born = bloody scary prospect

[Sampanther]

My dd has just turned two. She bfs to sleep, co-sleeps and always has. Nothing settles her if she wakes except boobs and occasionally cuddles/rocking but only with me. I'm due with dc3 in October and we're moving house in September. Dp works away or is on call the majority of the time so changing things is pretty much down to me. He seems to think it'll just be easy but I think it's going to be really difficult.

I'd been hoping to co-sleep until dd was 2.5/3 when my older daughter moved to her own bed and room with no upset whatsoever. Then when I found out I was pregnant I wondered if dd might self-wean which would make things easier, but so far shes showing no signs of doing so. I have no idea whether to wait a while to see if she self-weans or if her understanding improves with age, whether to move her now so it's distinctly before baby or whether then moving house will be back to square one. On top of it all I'm extremely sick and tired and feel emotional at the prospect of dd being so upset by having to stop co-sleep (which she'll find harder than stopping breastfeeding.)

Aibu to think this is going to tough and dp is deluded to think it'll be easy? Any advice?

I moved when DS2 was 6 weeks old and DS1 was 21 months. Shortly after that, DH started working away during the week.

It was awful. I had PND and I think moving from my support network into a new area and then being alone a lot of the time - including at night - tipped me over the edge.

Will you know people in the place you're thinking of moving to?

I breastfed and co-slept but that was a bonus rather than a problem - but I can see that feeding 2 would be different from my situation.

I would not do it again if I could rewind time. It was bleak.

I think you need to ask yourself what you can do and what you can't do, also what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do, then decide on what to do bassed on what you can or can't do.

Can you imagine feeding the newborn and your toddler? Do you want to continue co-sleeping but stop the breastfeeds or do you want your toddler in her own room and self settling?

If you don't want to or don't feel able to night feed both the baby and toddler you need to do something about the toddlers night feeding, you could wean her off the breast but still cuddle her to sleep and then a couple of months down the line you could address the cuddling to sleep.

I also felt really emotional about the idea of stopping ds night feeding, I was also convinced that he wouldn't settle without boob. I had crazy plans like formula feeding the newborn and ds doing all the nights with the newborn so ds wouldn't have to share or give up his mummy or boobies.

Jaded I like that idea. The difficulty is I tend to feed her then lay with her for an hour or so until she's fast asleep then go downstairs, which could be difficult to do once baby is born. When she wakes she cries for me and then feeds to return to sleep but I guess if she had her own bed I could negotiate more about staying for a bit then leaving? I really don't know - she has good comprehension but can barely speak and goes from fine to screaming the house down in ten seconds!

When her sister is off school she tends to miss naps as she's distracted so I was wondering about reducing those but then she slept for three hours during the day after a few days of no naps so I guess she does still need them even though she doesn't get grumpy withoutthem.

If dp was going to be here more I'd definitely delegate the baby more so I could settle dd but then I guess I'd worry he'd fall asleep holding the baby. I don't mind where dd sleeps as long as she sleeps! Elder dd has a bunk bed and I'm hoping that by toddler dd will be keen to share a bedroom with her in the bottom bunk.