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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to swap the packaging and see if MIL notices?

62 replies

fairylightsintheloft · 14/04/2014 10:41

she has a million issues with food. One or two genuine allergies but the rest just a complete obsession with ingredients and things she thinks affect her (but don't), serious over-anxiety. Have brought a different brand of cereal that has exactly the same ingredient list as her preferred one (was in Lidl, they don't do the real one). Shall I swap the bag into the old box and see if she notices?

OP posts:

lionheart · 14/04/2014 12:20

But why would you do this?

If she does not notice what will you say to her?

If she does notice what will she say to you?

Either way it will probably seem to her that you do not take her anxieties seriously.

Nanny0gg · 14/04/2014 12:25

She can be fussy if she wants to be.

And if you can't be bothered to cater for it then be up front and tell her.

Why play games?

Meow75 · 14/04/2014 12:27

Lidl food is NOT crap.

Many of the brands are now ones you find in other significantly more expensive stores and the tropical flavour cereal in the orange packet is heaven itself.

I'm not a recent convert either, when I was still at school over 20 yrs ago my mum started shopping at Aldi and Lidl, and saved a fortune then too. But I have finally converted my DH who was content to continue paying through the nose for his Lurpak, PG Tips, Kingsmill, etc.

JuniorMint · 14/04/2014 12:30

I'm a vegetarian and have been since I was about 10. Once as a teenager we went to my Aunt's house for tea, she made a HUGE deal about how she was cooking veggie specially for me coming round, and how wonderful she was to cater for me- it made me feel really awkward, but whatever; she made a really nice spinach and ricotta lasagne and I appreciated the effort.

At the end of the evening my mum asked for the recipe as she was always on the look out for new veggie recipes for me. Aunt started recounting the recipe out loud- "oh it's spinach... ricotta... CHICKEN STOCK...!!" and she looked at me with a "ha ha gotcha!" kind of face. It made me feel sick and really awkward. This was about 15 years ago and I have never forgotten the look on her face or the feeling in my stomach.

By all means encourage people with food issues to try something new, but don't try to "trick" them and act all superior that they haven't noticed.

Amytheflag · 14/04/2014 12:40

Just pure nastiness. Grow up and tell her you can't be arsed to put the effort in anymore and she can bring her own food but don't make her eat stuff she's worried about.

CorusKate · 14/04/2014 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CloverHeart · 14/04/2014 12:45

I find this type of thing very, VERY patronising to be honest. "Lies" or no lies she is stating her preferences - who are you to decide whether she should be forced to eat something or not?

My parents used too try and pull this one on me all the time - backfired on them when I started doing the same thing to them and they bloody well stopped it!

ShatnersBassoon · 14/04/2014 12:48

How much effort is it to just buy the right cereal for a guest, to make sure they're happy and comfortable?

TarkaTheOtter · 14/04/2014 12:50

Have some empathy OP. I'd be anxious about food generally if some foods made me ill/were potentially fatal.

pianodoodle · 14/04/2014 12:54

I don't have any guests that specify things they prefer to eat (i.e out of fussiness)

I don't go over to people's houses expecting them to have the exact butter I like - why would they?

Don't guests just eat what they're given?

JenBehavingBadly · 14/04/2014 12:55

I swap stuff all the time with DH. Claims he only likes gold blend, but sups the lidl alternative if I put it in the gold blend jar without him seeing. Ditto cereals. He doesn't have allergies though, he's just a fussy bugger.

NotNewButNameChanged · 14/04/2014 12:57

Three things I will never, ever replace with a cheaper or supermarket-own brand:

Cereals (must be Kellogg's or Nestle)
Baked beans (must be Heinz)
Chocolate Digestives (must be McVities)

SuburbanRhonda · 14/04/2014 12:59

I remember a Gordon Ramsay programme where he made a pizza and gave it to a vegetarian who declared it delicious and tasty.

Then Gordon told him it had meat in / on it and a good laugh was had by all. What a twat.

Not sure why I posted that, just a bit saddened by the OP being so cavalier about someone else's food preferences for no good reason.

I would have said, "Sorry, they didn't have the cereal you like, but they had this one, which seems similar. Would you like to try it?" And if she doesn't, at least she knows you tried to be accommodating, rather than mean.

ninaprettyballerina · 14/04/2014 13:00

Lose her trust on this and you'll lose her trust on everything. Not worth it

coppertop · 14/04/2014 13:05

So your MIL has anxieties about food and you think it will be helpful to show her that some people may try to trick her into eating something she doesn't want?

Don't you think that might make her anxieties even worse?

thebody · 14/04/2014 13:07

So if you do it and lie, she doesn't notice or have a reaction exactly who or what are you proving?

Will you tell your friends and have a laugh?

Will you feel better?

Can't see why you would lie. If you can't get her stuff then don't offer.

profPlum you sound very uncaring really. Hope your science keeps you away from real people's anxieties.

Cigarettesandsmirnoff · 14/04/2014 13:11

Is your mil staying with you or are you doing shopping for her?

If she is staying with you, just buy your own brand and if she pulls a face tell her to go buy her own.

Cigarettesandsmirnoff · 14/04/2014 13:14

If I stayed at somebody's home I wouldn't dream of expecting them to go out and do a complete re-stock.

It's only on MN your expected to bend over backwards and be the host with the most!

ExcuseTypos · 14/04/2014 13:16

Just offer the Lidl cereal and say you couldn't get the branded one, if she doesn't want to eat it she could have toast.

Don't swap the packets though- that's really not a nice thing to do.

SuburbanRhonda · 14/04/2014 13:18

cigarettes the OP said in her second post that she does normally cater for her MIL's food preferences, so she's not in your camp at all with your fuck you attitude to house guests.

So it's even more of a puzzle as to why the OP has decided she wants to dupe her MIL just with this one food item

SuburbanRhonda · 14/04/2014 13:21

Maybe some people should wonder over to this thread to see how accommodating some hosts can be towards guests with different food preferences or allergies.

CorusKate · 14/04/2014 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pumpkinette · 14/04/2014 13:25

Lidl cereal would be tricky to switch and pass off as there branded counterparts. The wheet biscuts are a different shape and size to wheetabix. They do taste similar but not the same. The lidl Special K equivelent tastes nothing like Special K (but the cheepo one in Tesco - mornflake brand I think - tastes just like the real thing)

I do buy lidl and aldi food most of the time and DD doesn't notice as she is young and its what she's used to. DH is fussy and complains about some things (baked beans an ketchup) but will eat it if its there - he knows we are on a budget and that the way it is. I personally prepare lidl and aldi food to most branded stuff anyway.

I would say stick to the branded and just buy a box and put it away when it's in offer or the next time she visits.

I would switch things like Heinz beans etc as one the are cooked its harder to tell (so long as its bit value range as they are watery) and easier to pretend they are the branded ones if she does notice the taste difference.

Also in the organic milk - I do understand the preference and I buy organic milk. It tastes better and the cows are not pumped full of hormones. My hormones are out of whack as it is without drinking more from milk, its also not great for children to drink high levels of these hormones.

SavoyCabbage · 14/04/2014 13:27

When my mother comes to stay with us we buy her favourite coffee. Even though we don't like it. I love her and I like her to be happy. It's a small thing.

And I have a friend who buys Yorkshire Tea just for me.

You should not con someone who has food allergies into eating something that they don't know they are eating.

Cigarettesandsmirnoff · 14/04/2014 13:27

suburb maybe you need a breather- take a break from the keyboard and have a rest - don't get so uptight.

If op MIL is like my 82 year old DGM and has newly discovered food tolerances depending on what she has read in the Sunday supplements - she is probably fed up with the faff!

I actually have an open kitchen in my home,dp family not mine because, they actually don't use my place as a cafe if they are hungry, if I've got it, they can have it, I'll cook it. If I catered for all and sundry it would cost a fucking bomb.

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