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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be happy with one dc?

35 replies

Calico2 · 13/04/2014 16:26

Dh and I have one ds, who is coming up 3 years old. We are both pretty certain (and have been before he was born) that we only want the one dc. There are various reasons - we both work long hours and feel that we couldn't give enough attention to another, it would also be a struggle financially. We are in our late thirties and don't want to start again with a newborn.

But we keep getting the annoying questions now that ds is toddler age, "when are you going to have another?" etc etc. When I reply "never" I am met with shock! Apparently we're being selfish to deny ds the sibling experience. (ds doesn't have any cousins, I am also an only child and dh has a younger brother who hasn't got any children yet, but ds has plenty of friends at nursery). AIBU? Will my ds be lonely and spoilt growing up? I never felt like that as a child

OP posts:

Vijac · 13/04/2014 21:50

Yanbu and there are lots of advantages to being an only. If I had just one I would just make an extra effort with cousins/friends kids when he was young so that he gets used to being in child company before starting school.

Topseyt · 13/04/2014 22:27

If one is right for you then stick at one, and sod what anyone else thinks.

People feel the need to comment or judge regardless of how many children you do or don't have.

When I first got married they couldn't seem to wait for us to have our first baby. She came along after a couple of years. Once the first is born then people think that the second follows just as surely as night follows day. I had my second when my eldest was 3, and there had been the odd nudge and wink from various directions before then. Fast forward another three years and I had my third (and final) baby. When the third was on the way people seemed to wonder whether or not I had meant for it to happen (yes).

The other thing people commented on with me was the fact that all three were girls. Surely I was now going to keep trying so that I would have a boy eventually (nope, I wanted three, I was lucky enough to have three, and it doesn't bother me at all that all worked out to be girls).

Just stick with what is right for you and your family. It isn't anyone else's business.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 13/04/2014 22:30

Each to their own. People are rude to comment, it isn't anyone's business.

Andanotherthing123 · 13/04/2014 23:19

Yanbu-people are idiots who say stupid things. Only you need to be happy with your decision. I know two families with 1 dc and I always think how lovely it is for those children, who look happy and content.fwiw, I have 3 ds and on top of the usual 'I bet you'll try for a girl next'some interfering old cow actually said '3 boys, what a shame'. Ignore, ignore, ignore!

Topseyt · 13/04/2014 23:25

Andanother, yes, I have had "3 girls, what a shame" too. I actually asked the old bat "why is it a shame" and enjoyed watching her squirm. She went as red as a beetroot, muttered something incomprehensible and left me alone after that.

cunexttuesonline · 13/04/2014 23:44

YANBU, we have 1 DS and I have been asked so many times when are we going to give him a sibling etc. It's so rude as for all they know we could have been TTC for years/can't have anymore etc. As it is, that is not the case - we like the dynamic of 3 but FFS it's nobody else's business. I've had 'it's a shame for DS', 'do you not want a little girl?' , 'he would love being a big brother' and so on. I do find though that the older he gets, the less questions we get.

Original poster

Calico2 · 14/04/2014 08:29

Thank you everyone. Dh and I are happy being a family of 3, I was just worried that we weren't doing the right thing by ds. I get those questions too - "wouldn't you like a girl?" I have never really had a gender preference and while I do love the close relationship I have with dm I don't feel that I am missing out on anything by not having a daughter.

OP posts:

WyrdByrd · 14/04/2014 08:35

at elquinto

I find that replying "when hell freezes over" tends to stop nosey parkers in their tracks!

Burren · 14/04/2014 08:37

We have one toddler, and don't plan any more, but I have had on occasion to be quite sharp in my responses to virtual strangers who felt the need to ask when he would have a sibling/comment on our 'cruelty' at imposing a solitary life on him etc etc. A blank stare and a polite 'In what possible universe is that any of your business?' does the job.

SystemIDUnknown · 14/04/2014 08:41

It never stops. I have two ds's.

When I had one, it was 'Oh will you have another?'. When ds2 came along it was 'Oh will you try for a girl?'

My friend has four dc - 3ds's and 1 dd. When she had her dd last year all she got was 'At last a girl! You must be really pleased!' NOW she's getting 'so will you have another to give her a sister?'

I don't think people generally mean much by it. I too have been guilty of the vague and meaningless 'Oh lovely, one of each' comment, when you just don't know what to say.

I must admit though to being quietly sceptical when people with one 2/3/4 year old announce that they'll never have another. I was one of them when ds1 was little. I've lost count of the women I know that have announced NO More, I'm Done, I Only Want One...they all have 2+ now!

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