To ask about the etiquette for giving money as a wedding present?

[bette06]

I'm going to a wedding evening do in a couple of weeks. The bride and groom have said that they don't want any presents but, if people want to get them something, they can give money towards their honeymoon.

Questions:

1. How much is appropriate? (Does it make any difference that I'm single? Obviously, my finances are half that of a two-income household but if I just give half of what the couples give would I look stingy?)

2. Is it normal just to put the cash in with the card or do people usually enclose a cheque?

"It's vulgar to ask for money IMHO"

it's vulgar to mention presents at all. asking for money is no more vulgar than having a gift list.

tbh I wouldn't do either but don't bat an eyelid at others that do.....except if there is a 'pome'. that makes me cringe a little.

Anything would be appreciated, I think...

Meant more to me the friend who gave me a fiver than the one who got me an expensive coffee machine we didn't ask for (and have already 4 different types of coffee makers at home)

Crese is right the whole weddung oresent tradition is a bit vulgar, esoecially when the couple are 30, workjng and have spent £10,000's on the wedding.

Its all a far cry from the original idea of helping a young couple set up their first home.

DH and I were students, we were enormously grateful for the groups of student friends who gathered together to buy decent saucepans and cutlery (which we still use everyday 24 years later) and a toaster that died after 20years.

Clearly had we both had houses, not furnished student digs our needs woyld have been different.

Fucking Kindle.
I keep forgetting I've turned off it's over bearing and useless autocorrect.

For our wedding, we genuinely weren't going to ask for anything, as:

1. We don't need anything, having lived together for 3 years pre-wedding.
2. Find asking for cash a bit awkward, especially when people use those bloody 'wishing well fund' poems.

However when I told people this several friends / family said something along the lines of 'oh, but we've got to get you something, and we would rather it was something you actually wanted' so you actually can't win to be honest. In the end we merely wrote on the invite that we would much rather have the pleasure of people's company than a gift, and there was nothing we needed; but if people really wanted to they could get us gift vouchers for a certain well-known travel company. To be honest, most people did give something but gave cash instead of said vouchers. I truly wasn't worried that some people couldn't afford to give anything, it was just nice to have them there.

I think how much you give someone depends a lot on your relationship with them, (if this is for example a very close friend then I generally think people give more), and if you are a all-day or reception-only guest. For a casual friend £20 in a card sounds fine to me. The only thing I would advise against is cheques. We had some and it caused a bit of a faff at the bank as some were in my maiden name and some my married name, and the bank were a bit unhappy about accepting a cheque for a name that was different to the listed account name at the time. x

We've just sent out our invitations. Our venue is in the UK but not really near where any of our guests live (long story..) so most are staying overnight somewhere.

We said "We appreciate that you are spending money on travel and accommodation in order to celebrate with us, so we don't expect presents and haven't set up a wedding list."

Actually, STB DH and I had a minor contretemps when I couldn't bring myself to say "we don't WANT presents" because he (poor deluded soul) is under the impression that we already have everything we need whereas to be honest I'd love some nice towels or some fancy place mats or something. We can easily afford to buy them ourselves but I will never get round to it and would probably be paralysed by choice. So I am hoping a few people ask what we'd like anyway, in which event I'll give ideas like "towels" without being specific so people can then choose a gift of that type in a price range to suit them.

IF and that does mean IF, you want to and can afford to give them some money, then give then however much you WANT to give.
Sod this notion of etiquette.
If you can only afford £5, then give them £5
If you want to and can afford £50, then give them £50
Don't feel pressured based on what other people think you should give.
They have invited you because they want you to share and witness their marriage and celebration. That should not come with a price tag.

To be honest, as I said above some people prefer it when recipient gives gift suggestions. It's a bit like my Dad at the moment whose birthday is in a fortnight who, (as ever), when I ask him if there's anything in particular he wants as a present, says no, he has everything he needs. I know he means well, but (again, as ever) I'm going to get him a birthday pressie anyway, and I would much rather he actually told me if there was something he wanted so that I:

1. Don't end up trying to work out for hours what to get him again.
2. Don't end up buying something he doesn't want / won't use.

I think it's fine to ask for money. I prefer to give money than try to find/think of a gift.
I give £50 for a full day, and £20 or £30 for an evening do. I'm also single if that makes a difference. If I were in a couple, I think it'd also be similar £50 full day/£30 night.

I've been invited to a wedding I can't attend
I'm going to the hen though
Do you think I should still send £20? They're asking for honeymoon contributions

I kind of think "honeymoon contributions" is just smoke and mirrors unless theB and G genuinely won't go on one unless the guedts fund it/make up a shortfall they could not cover themselves. Otherwise you're just saying that you want some cash to offset the money you've already spent. That's no different to just asking for cash full stop.

Well friend A stuck £100 in an envelope for the wedding of friend B. Friend B never acknowledged it. Because it never get to her. It got to the venue, but then its whereabouts became a mystery. So please write a cheque!

Most of our gifts were around the 50 mark. I read somewhere that you're supposed to cover the cost of your meal with the value of the gift.

And lily yes if they are good friends I would stick £20 in a card.

I read somewhere that you're supposed to cover the cost of your meal with the value of the gift.

For most evening guests a tenner would be overgenerous then. Which is why evening-only invitations definitely shouldn't include a List - let them ask if they want to.

Nothing. A card. Well, they said no gifts.

And no, no giving money for a wedding you are not attending.