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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you have guests you should leave a set of keys in an accessible place so they can get out?

34 replies

PickleMyster · 13/04/2014 09:00

Okay, so I am currently staying at my Mum's, have gone to open back door (put something in outside bin) and can't find keys. I have had to wake her up to get out. She has all the keys to the house in her room which she had locked herself in, the house was in complete lock down.

At home I have similar doors and the first time she stayed she made a point of asking where we would leave the keys so "I can get out if I need to". We left them where we all could access them easily.

My biggest fear is fire, I would have no choice but to start breaking downstairs double glazed windows and it doesn't take long for smoke inhalation to take hold. This is not the first time this has happened, I've explained my fears, but she doesn't take any notice.

So am I being unreasonable in asking her to leave a set of keys in an accessible place?

OP posts:
WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 13/04/2014 09:05

My ILs started doing this when they got a new front door fitted (their old one was the pull shut and it is locked from the outside type, as is ours). They would lock it then take the key and hide it in a drawer in the front room. We had quite a lot of discussion about it which resulted in DH saying we wouldn't be staying again if they wouldn't leave it somewhere more accessible in case of fire - we live too far away for day visits. They leave it in the hall now.

SelectAUserName · 13/04/2014 09:11

Your general point is NU - we always point out to guests where the spare keys are, and leave them close to the relevant door but not on view - but did you really have to wake your mum up to put something in the bin right then? Could you not have placed whatever-it-was beside the back door and had a conversation with her about keys and access routes when she got up?

Original poster
PickleMyster · 13/04/2014 09:14

I've asked her to leave them in the hall also, but because I go to bed earlier than her I'm never up to insist that she does it as she's going to bed. Right now I'm thinking about going home a day earlier (due to go tomorrow) but we've got a big family meal planned this afternoon.
Think I'm going to give her the ultimatum of not coming up again unless she leaves them out.

OP posts:
Original poster
PickleMyster · 13/04/2014 09:16

No I didn't have to wake her to put something out, I was more pissed off about the fact that she knows how I feel about leaving me with no access to get out yet she continues to do it.

OP posts:
Coconutty · 13/04/2014 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Honeybear30 · 13/04/2014 09:20

Agree with selecta, not sure why you woke her up to get to the bin.

But, YANBU to expect an easy route out of the house. My DH used to think I was silly about telling guests the key is HERE and he once tried to leave a chair in front of the front door in the hallway and I told him it was ridiculous. It's just basic fire safety. Especially when you're in someone else's house, you can get easily disorientated and a fire will make it ten time worse. Plus, your guests, your responsibility. Maybe ask mum how she'd feel if she got out and you were stuck inside in a fire?

Also why is she locking herself in her room?!

Slainte · 13/04/2014 09:21

If you've already discussed with her the fire issue, I would definitely give her the ultimatum.

It would terrify me not to be able to get out of a house in an emergency situation.

Also, what would happen if she fell/had a heart attack in her room overnight?

SelectAUserName · 13/04/2014 09:23

Does she refuse to do it because she's controlling or minimising your concerns or does she just forget by the time she goes to bed? I have a night-time routine that I do on auto-pilot and if you've gone to bed first and aren't around to remind her about the keys, she might be on similar autopilot.

If the former, then it's clearly a bigger issue than just the keys and you'd be within your rights to refuse to visit again. If the latter, could you get your own set of keys cut? I have copies of my parents' front door keys.

sleepyhead · 13/04/2014 09:26

I was also going to suggest getting a set of keys cut for you to keep.

It would be handy if you ever had to get in (or out) in an emergency.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 13/04/2014 09:30

Yes, why don't you have your own set? Most people I know have keys to parents and frequently vice versa.

Original poster
PickleMyster · 13/04/2014 09:32

If it was the first time then yes I it would have been unreasonable to wake her, but it's not the first time (more like the 5/6)

Yes we have had issues in the past with control and her trying to get me to do things her way. At one point she did I did give me a set of keys to her house which made things easier but she got burgled and she had locks changed. It's not that she actually refuses to leave the keys/give me any new keys, she just avoids getting into a discussion about it.

I am baffled by her behaviour at times Sad

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 13/04/2014 09:42

I leave my keys in the door so anyone can get out in a hurry. It is safer than leaving them within easy reach for an opportune burglar as they don't slip out of the door very easily. Also, if the key is in the door you can't use a key from outside.

SelectAUserName · 13/04/2014 09:47

In that case I'd say "I realised when I had to wake you up this morning that I've still got your old keys from before the burglary. Can we sort out getting me a set of the new keys before I go, then I won't have to disturb your lie-in again."

gamerchick · 13/04/2014 09:52

Don't we get 3 breaths or something in a fire before we're unconscious? Hiding keys would be quite dangerous as you're likely to panic if you wake up to a fire. You don't have the time to faff on.

Pinotgrigioplease · 13/04/2014 10:03

I think that might invalidate your insurance Bunbaker? I think it was in the small print of my terms & conditions.

Sounds tough OP, I would push for another set of keys to be cut.

Marylou62 · 13/04/2014 10:04

Oh God...my biggest fear...a fire and no keys. Mine are on a hook above the door....at ALL times unless they are in the door. Just explain your fears. And your worry for her in that situation.

Ilovexmastime · 13/04/2014 10:23

Yanbu and I think you did the right thing by waking her. Consequences and all that...

Janethegirl · 13/04/2014 10:25

I'd sooner risk burglars than burning to death because I couldn't unlock a door. My keys are either in the lock or very near it at all times.

Picturesinthefirelight · 13/04/2014 10:26

I've had this conversation so many times with dh

He's paranoid about burglars, I'm paranoid about fire.

I won. Keys are kept in the door lock.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 13/04/2014 10:32

We keep a key in our back door at all times for the fire reason, take it out and hide it when we are away, but that's the only time. Front door is self locking - we made very sure we chose a self locking one when we replaced it for this reason. I'd rather be burgled than trapped in a burning house too.

giantpurplepeopleeater · 13/04/2014 10:32

Oh god YANBU.

My Dad does this all the time. He locks the front door and puts the keys somewhere, different somewhere every night.

Every time I stay and I have to search for the keys in the morning I remind him that it's dangerous in case of a fire and he should put a little hook somewhere in the hallway to put them on.

Mind you it served them right... last time I was there I had to get up and leave at 5am, and I had to go get him up to get the keys out'!!!

haha!

Pinotgrigioplease · 13/04/2014 10:34

Our front and back door keys are both kept in dishes on the windowsill right next to the doors. Easy to locate when needed.

Honeybear30 · 13/04/2014 10:43

pinot it invalidates insurance to leave keys on the outside, but surely not the inside which the pp was referring to?!

foslady · 13/04/2014 11:04

I habe door curtains with tie backs and hang them on those. Not easily accessable from outside can be covered with curtain from inside but easy to find in emergency. Was suggested by fire officer when he did his check.

Cerisier · 13/04/2014 11:12

YANBU as the fire risk is a huge one. I would not be going to bed first if I thought there was any chance I could be locked in a house. If it happened a second time after I mentioned it, I would not stay again. This is very dangerous behaviour.

Secondly, why is DM locking her bedroom door? No one is allowed to sleep with a locked door at our house in case of fire or illness. If I am going to bed and a teen has locked a door we will hammer on it until they crawl out of bed and unlock it.

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