To give some background, I have been divorced from my DC's father for 6 years. He was EA, controlling and occasionally physically violent during our marriage. Although the divorce was a relief, I was in quite a dark place for some time with few friends as he had effectively isolated me from everyone during our marriage. He on the other hand is a larger than life character, he makes lots of grand gestures and to the outside world he is a great guy. He has a wide social circle. My DC don't know about the EA and DV although my DD has spoken about how controlling and manipulative he can be towards her. Generally though he has been a good father, paid his maintenance and seen them regularly - he and I have an outwardly civil relationship.
My daughter's 18th is in the middle of A levels and she had said she was just going to do something fairly quiet with a few friends. I had offered to arrange a party. She has now said he is holding a party for her with all his family and friends, she is inviting some friends. He has apparently said "Your mum can come if she wants" but has not invited any relatives from this side of the family (very few of us anyway)
I am hurt that she feels that this is ok but she gets upset when I have tried to talk to her about it. It is her day but I can't help feeling he is successfully marginalising me again. He is quite rich and nothing I can offer will match. Should I suck it up and go or should I just arrange something small here for family (even that will be difficult because I know she won't want to take much time away from revision)?
Sorry to moan but just needed to vent and get some perspective.