to want to stay in work rather than coming home to a whiny, clingy, tantruming child?

[Sightoabloodyscream]

Seriously, I'm at the end of my tether.

DD is 2 and has been miserable pretty much from the day she was born. She was a velcro baby, which meant poor old Ds has been fairly starved of attention for the past couple of years. Luckily, he's a big fan of telly.

Dd has been in the throes of the terrible twos since she was about 11 months old and it is exhausting. She kicks of before work, at breakfast, and she kicks off pretty much from the minute I pick her up from nursery until bed. I have just been trying to get her to go to sleep for an hour and a half. DH has just taken over, as I would like some time off tonight - alI though she will, inevitably, end up in our bed tonight.

Not sure if I want advice, sympathy or what, to be honest. I just feel constantly guilty that ds spends a lot of time ignored and, if I'm honest, resentful that I seem to be missing out on him being 4. Dd isn't even a fan of sharing me with her own brother.

My DD was like that, even got cross about DS cuddling but she's really turned a corner recently. I might be just down to maturity which i know is no help. I expected my DS to be protective of her not competitive, this meant he got hurt less when she demanded more of my time as he just treated her as the 'baby' of the family. however, he is 4 years older so i appreciate it is perhaps easier to do that.

I can't help but feel you're projecting far too much on to her.

My 2 year old is bossy - tells me to wear my grey top not the stripey one etc etc but I take it at face value. She's 2 and asserting her authority. No biggie. Her brother did the same at that age - I only remember because I took notes!

She also has run ins with her brother, tries to take his stuff etc etc but again she is 2, that is what they do at that age. The world revolves around them.

2 year olds don't really play with other kids. My 2 year old yes she plays with her brother but it isn't the same as how two 4 year olds play together.

She gets jealous, she hits etc etc. All within the normal bounds of a toddler.

I think you need to be a bit more objective and go easy on her. I don't mean let her get away with stuff but remind yourself that she is 2. And needs her mum.

Completely agree Goldenbear, there may not be anything specific to put a "helpful" label on and "little shit" was a shorthand for the times when I really didn't enjoy my child because he didn't live up to my preconceptions of how my child would be.

But I came in mumsnet a lot when he was a toddler and people said "normal toddler behaviour". It wasn't. So I just want to be someone who says "maybe it isn't and maybe it's worth ruling out physical or medical issues".

I have had to totally change how I parent and it has worked well so far for both children - the one with ASD and the other one. The How to Talk..techniques are the ones that have helped me most, including the companion volume "siblings without rivalry" which might help.

Good luck! You sound like you are trying really hard which is the least any of us can do...

Agree with Sazzle. She sounds like she feels insecure so acts up and is clingy a lot

gger. Just wrote a big post, then wiped it.

See, I don't get why she feels insecure - she gets lots of attention; more than her brother did at her age, cos she was tiny and had all my attention.

I think I was spoilt by having ds first . He was no angel and we really did have our moments - throwing weetabix on the floor and the ensuing tantrum before I went to work at 36 weeks pregnant is still fresh in my mind; yet you could snap him out of his tatrums by making him laugh. Dd, once she embarks on a tantrum, is determined to see it through to its exhausting, tear-stained conclusion.

Dd can be fabulous: funny, mischievous and almost gentle to animals. I'm just sad that I don't see enough of it.

I know how you feel. Ds reserves his main tantrums for the nursery run.

There will come a time when she'll be easier. I find this easier than the first year but our sleep situation is good , my mood is greatly affected by lack of rest.

My only advice is to try and calm down. Ds seems to love to be told he's a good boy and positive reinforcement is a new thing that seems to be working.

Attention alone isn't going to make an anxious child feel more secure tho OP. It could be she is just naturally that kind of personality, all children vary hugely personality wise even between siblings: or the ' reason' something else, anything from sibling rivalry, changes in routine/lack of any routine, overly rigid/overly controlling parenting, lack of boundaries, illness, poor bond with caregiver etc etc etc. Whatever it is, whether their character or a reaction to something around them, an anxious, child needs not to be berated for their anxiety, positive reinforcement & praise, plenty of physical affection, hugs, hand holding etc and one on one bonding time with main caregivers/parents. Resenting and withdrawing from an anxious child can have devastating effect in their social & psychological development. That was gist of child psych. i did & I've used to good effect OP, hope you get thru this/good luck.

When my dd tantrums I get down to her level, look her in the eye if I can and ask her for a cuddle. Just sit there and open my arms. 9/10 times it works. She tantrummed in a different way to ds and I decided to try it at someone's suggestion and it works.

Tantrums are about emotional immaturity at that age so giving her a cuddle isn't about giving in. But it helps calm her down and I can briefly explain what's up I.e. label her emotions without giving in to what she wants.

And I reckon her reflux was bothering her but that's from my experiences with both of my DC. You think it isn't but the odd clue indicates otherwise.

Op I totally understand you. I have 4dc and my youngest who us 18 months has pushed me to the absolute limit.
He had a tough birth so prob that has something to do with it. He gets so much attention as the others are at school, but he has been difficult and Whiney from day 1.
I am an experienced mum, but his temperament is very challenging. There were times when I just couldn't cope. He generally took over the entire family and the others have missed out on the attention they need.
Take each day as it comes, I try to think of it as being in the eye of the storm and it will pass in time. Make time for yourself.
I have one on one days with my other children in school holidays where I spend a day with each of them. They choose where to go for N activity or visit, they choose where to eat lunch and are treated to something they choose.

You're not doing anything wrong. Children are lovely but they can push ya to the absolute limit. Hang in there

you not ya!

hotcrosshoney - agree with you, thats worked great for me with toddlers. They are all different its about sussing out and knowing what each child is like and what works best for them ...some toddlers can be distracted out of it, some can be laughed out of it, some need time out on their own. Its what works for your child OP. I also forgot to say your own character can impact on your child. My own mother was terribly negative, that rubbed off big time on me , made me anxious and now i consciously stop myself when i am and look for the positive, which improves moods and fears no end. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy tactic. (challenging negative thoughts/emotions).

Watching with interest as my nearly 2year old dd is EXACTLY like this. Really don't know how deal with. It's so difficult to take her anywhere these days.

Have no advice to offer, but you are not one on your own with this. Let's hope we find a breakthrough soon.