To think respect should be lost not earned?

[JennyCalendar]

I start from a position of respecting everyone I meet. I can then lose respect for people due to their actions or opinions.

I sometimes come in contact with people who believe respect needs to be earned first (and see this mentioned occasionally on MN).

The people who take the latter view generally do not act as if they need to earn the respect of others and demand you earn their respect before they treat you in a courteous manner.

So, AIBU to think that it is preferable to respect everyone until they lose it in some way, rather than start from a position of 'no respect until they earn it'?

The "you've got to earn respect first" thing tends to only come up with people that demand you respect them without them respecting you.

I agree with you. Maybe I'm a bit naive, but I always assumed that people who argue that respect needs to be earned would be thinking along the same lines as you really, not going from the starting point that nobody deserves any respect until they earn it.

'You've got to earn respect' is a thin justification for arseholes who want an excuse to be rude to people they don't know well.

Yanbu. This is what we teach our children, - Your nice to everyone, until someone gives you a reason not to be. Respectful children become respectful adults ime. I don't respect anyone who thinks it's their right to be disrespectful of others until they meet their respect criteria.

I treat everyone with common courtesy, expect the same in return and that is what I teach the dc. Respect (meaning "admiration") has to be earned, as does trust.

I'm glad that so far people are thinking along the same lines. Why do people have the 'earn respect first' mentality? Is it just taught attitude from parents, or from somewhere else?

Maybe that's it, Kat. I think of respect in terms of 'consideration', 'courtesy' and 'dignity' when it is being used in terms of earning it, but maybe they are meaning 'admiration'.