Not to eat dinner with inlaws tonight (what would you do?) (kind of trivial)

[struggling100]

Hey all!

Not a big problem in the grand scheme of things... but need some good ole Mumsnet advice on how to handle this.

DH and I are spending the weekend with the inlaws. It is a sad anniversary and we are going to spend time with his Mum, who lost her father a short while ago.

DH is working until 5, and the cottage the in laws have rented is 4 hours' drive from us, so we won't be there til 9.

Yesterday I send MIL an email saying that I was looking forward to it, and not to worry about food for this evening because we'd eat before we set off. Just got an email back to say not to do this, because she has a pie ready for when we arrive.

Trouble is, I feel really ill if I eat late in the evening. I come from a working class family, and I still eat breakfast at 7, lunch at 12.30 and tea at 5.30-6.00. The idea of eating pie at 10pm fills me with bilious horror.

Would I be unreasonable to decline the food? How would you handle this?

Just eat a little bit of it

Or take salady stuff & eat that ?

Hi MIL

I'll probably be too hungry to wait until 9pm to eat, but I am looking forward to having some of the leftovers on Saturday.

struggling

I'd eat before I go and be prepared to have a small token amount of pie when you get there. I'd expect DH to scarf loads though and keep her happy/ distracted from caring how much I ate.

Can't you just reply that's it's very kind but you don't want to put her to the trouble also you don't usually eat so late / eating late at night doesn't agree with you / you might not have much of an appetite so late at night - and you wouldn't want it to go to waste.
If she insists then go ahead eat at your normal time and then politely refuse the pie later.

Tell her your stomach can't cope with food that late and you don't want to be ill for the weekend.
You'll eat earlier and can she save the pie for the following day?

Job done.

Perfect - the leftovers thing will work and is polite but gets me out of eating! You guys are fab, thank you.

or say you have leftovers in your fridge that need eating before the weekend?

Eat both?

I'd say that travelling on an empty stomach makes you feel ill or just that the car rides made you feel sick and you'll have yours the next day.

I love a bit of Friday night pie........arrive, neck a couple of glasses of wine, eat pie slightly pissed......wake up with indigestion from the pastry and feel shit all day.......or is that just me

I know Lucille, I'm a bit at the OP not wanting pie upon her arrival. Pie is delicious, esp. with several glasses of wine.

Hahaha! Lucille - I am not an alcoholic (honest), but I do love a glass of wine or three. However, my in laws can drink me under the table. There were 6 of us at Christmas and in just one evening, we drank a bottle of gin, six bottles of wine and half a bottle of whisky. And I didn't even have that much. There is SUCH an emphasis on alcohol with them. Then the follow day involves driving around like crazy people and lurching around stately homes feeling extremely unwell...

I'm an either/or person. Either I can put up with the stately homes, OR I can get completely hammered and then stay in bed til 10am the next day. Getting up at 8 extremely hungover and then having to look at old boring shit all day is a personal kind of hell for me.

Just tell the truth - say thanks for the lovely thought and dh will be happy to have some pie but that you feel sick going to bed on top of a big meal so will eat earlier but sit with them whilst they eat. She would be very unreasonable to argue with that.

But I would leave class out of it!! I didn't think different classes of people ate at different times.

Sounds like you'll need some of the pie to line your stomach!

Seriously just eat it!

Just say you don't want to drive on an empty stomach so will be eating earlier.

If you were middle class you'd have tea at 5pmish, and then the pie - and wine - would be supper.

Lovely

Do you know OP in this instance I would just thank MIL for being thoughtful about feeding you and eat a little bit. This is presumably an emotional weekend for her and IMO it isn't the time to start nitpicking about mealtimes.

You never know. After the long drive you might surprisingly feel a bit peckish.

Oh, I am a total greedy pig and I could probably eat it. The trouble is, I'd then be up half the night with nightmares and stomach pains and sweats (sorry, TMI!). My Mum's the same. It's like I'm allergic to 'supper'. I am totally middle class in terms of my lifestyle now (I have even been known to rhapsodize about Waitrose) but my digestive system does not recognize this. Part of the issue is that DH is in work (at a deeply middle class job) by 7.30 am, so we have breakfast at 6.30-7.00 and I am genuinely starving by 12 and again by 6.

I will of course sit at the table and socialize with them and will maybe have some light salad and ask to have the pie for breakfast the next day (YUM). This is clearly the perfect solution!

Just say you've been having digestive problems and you can't eat late at night. So you won't be having any pie. Why will some folk not take no thanks for an answer.

I didn't think different classes of people ate at different times.

I have never thought about it like that. Certainly I come from a working class background and we always had our evening meal (called tea) at about 6pm.

These days, arguably we are more middle class*, and we seldom have our evening meal (mostly called dinner!) until at least 6:30 but sometimes 7 or later.

However, the timing is just down to lifestyle. We both work I get in at 5.30 and DH about 6.15 so it would be physically impossible to cook and eat before the time we do. When I was a child my Dad got in from work just before 6 and as Mum was a SAHM she had tea ready to go on the table when he arrived.

• Yes I know if we were really middle class it would be supper