to expect a response to a party invite?

[RandomInternetStranger]

Every single flaming year it's the same sodding thing - send out DD's birthday party invites well in advance as it's straight after the Easter break and I know a lot of families go away for the Easter break, then spend the next frigging month chasing and chasing, emailing 3, 4 times, texting, Facebooking, ringing mobiles and house phones... FFS!!! Every single sodding year! I need to plan party bags, food, cake, I'm limited to numbers and if some can't make it I need time to invite others, I have to confirm numbers with the venue and pay the balance, and I don't want to be frigging doing it the day before the effing party, not to mention that every year I have a little girl desperately asking me who is coming whilst I'm having a sodding breakdown secretly in a panic that the 3 replies so far are all that are coming and I'm going to have a heartbroken birthday girl on the day!! It's so bloody rude!

AIBU to think it's actually quite a privilege to be invited to a party and that if a mother is paying out for little Johnny or Suzie to come the least one can do is fucking reply, especially when the invites very clearly say please let me know as soon as poss?? I sent the invites nearly 4 weeks ago!!!! So bloody rude! If it wouldn't guarantee no one would come I would send out a "FFS you rude bitches fucking reply or your brat can fuck off!"

Sorry, just seriously pisses me off. I don't need the stress.

Crikey, you definitely need to chill out a bit. I can understand being worried about a disappointed daughter, but the rest of it you're definitely excessively stressed over. Is there usually a good turn out regardless?

Definately chill out a bit. Your DD must be picking up on your anxiety if you are constantly stressing out about her party.

Maybe its time to scale back on the birthday plans? You don't say how old your DD is but maybe suggest a trip out to cinema/farm etc with a few special friends? She may not even be that bothered about a huge party.

If you think that your daughters friends are 'priviledged' to be invited to your DDs party then perhaps that attitude may be coming across in the way you are dealing with the parents? I know I wouldn't respond well to being harassed by another parent over the course Easter holidays.

Calm down. Sorry but 4 weeks ago many people would have not made their Easter plans as yet. And it's just after Easter? You should expect the timing isn't right. And if this is going on every year, why do you keep doing it?

In your circumstances I would not be planning big parties. You need to manage her expectations better. I would sell her the idea of a trip to the zoo, the cinema followed by pizza, or a build a bear party, with only a few invitees that you could easily communicate with in person.

As a matter of curiosity, you have had this every year, how old is your dd, you make her sound like she is about 3, and that can be right if you have done this for many years.....

Why dont you have her party a wk after easter break and send invites first day theyre back... I've never seen party invites given out more than ten days in advance and usually just one wk...

Also people dont respond. . Accept it and stop stressing

It's the norm unfortunately.

This year I asked parents to rsvp no later than a specific date. At the end of the day I still had 11 people who hadn't replied.

They all came to the party. Even the ones who didn't bother to rsvp at all. I did consider making lunch boxes and party bags only for those who had replied, but I knew that would only upset the children concerned. It's not their fault their parents
are rude.

Yanbu but unfortunately that's the way it is.

Privilege??! Uh, no.
Yes it is lovely to be invited to a party. But I wouldn't consider it a privilege.

I also recommend you scale back and make it a bit more personal. A few special friends are more likely to respond if they know only a few are invited.

Yes it is rude. But there are steps you can take. One is give an RSVP date, approx one week before you have to let the venue know. Or better still for you, the last day of term when you can chase people for replies as you see them (assuming you have a preschool/school aged child).

Don't bother with a second place guest list. Unless they are friends and family who don't mind being space fillers. Quite frankly it's rude and will be obvious if they are school friends that they weren't good enough to be invited originally - children do talk.

Consider having an early or late birthday party for friends either the weekend before term finishes, or the weekend after they come back. That way there is less likely to be other holiday events clashing. Dd's birthday falls in the May holiday so we usually do a joint party between hers and her brothers birthday which is a few days earlier.

It is awkward but you can be that parent who says sorry, I didn't get your RSVP when someone turns up at the door. Even easier is the venue saying they are sorry but dc isn't on the confirmed guest list. You only have to do it once and word soon gets round to make sure rsvps are back on time, but again, you do have to give a date. As soon as possible just doesn't register with most people, who might get the invite in a book bag, think 'oh I must mention to RIS that little Julia would love to go when I see her tomorrow' and then get sidetracked by running late/daddy doing drop off etc. by the time they realise the invite is still sat in the to do pile, it's the holiday and too late.

Both my children are end of August birthdays, so I feel your pain. It is a monumental pain in the arse trying to arrange parties during the school holidays.

YABU to think its a privilege to be invited to a children's birthday party though, be honest, you're not doing it for the guests benefit, your doing it for your own child.

I don't do the school run at all, I don't know most of the parents. There are difficulties with logistics between her "father" and I and we are stuck to certain dates and times which are not negotiable and which the parents are all well aware of and also third parties who need warning and arrangements in advance, again which these parents are aware of. DD is 8 this year and excited that she is having a party, and it is a small group going to a specific venue for an activity after all th Le hassle I had with this exact problem last year doing a big hall disco for only a few to turn up but when even the main players in that small group don't reply it makes it impossible! I emailed 4 weeks ago asking for a reply as soon as possible and explaining yet again the logistical nightmare and therefore the need to organise it so far in advance, chased up via email 2 weeks ago explaining again that for various reasons I'd really appreciate a RSVP asap. This week I've Facebooked and text those whose numbers and Facebook I have though it's pointless as they're mostly away and I'm still bloody waiting for nearly half the group to reply. I'm trying not to hassle, especially over the holidays which is exactly why I sent the invites before the break but what am I supposed to do? Organise it with the numbers I have now and 6 turn up unexpectedly and I've got no party bags, food or space on the activity for them?? The it'll be me whose the big bad wolf and bad mummy when it was their mother who didn't reply and it's my daughter and their child who get hurt, not the bloody rude adults.

Yes I am stressing because it's unnecessary and my daughter is having a really, really hard time at the moment most adults couldn't handle, I can't, and I just want to give her a nice birthday, it's one of the very few things I can do for her and I want it to be perfect. I'm also pregnant and have health problems and stress is the one thing I cannot handle as it makes me physically ill and gives me regular trips to the hospital and these bloody mothers are going to send me there again if I don't get this sorted soon.

I think it is a privilege to be invited to any event, if the invitee is paying for your attendance and doesn't have to invite you and can invite someone else, but thinks that much of you, I take invites as a privilege. If this were my party I'd have told them to bugger off by now but I can't, it's DD's, and I am trying to just do one simple little thing she has asked for which she more than deserves and these rude bitches are ruining it, and even if they don't like me and don't want to reply to me for whatever reason, fine, but it's not me they're hurting it's DD and she doesn't deserve it.

How hard is it to click reply and type yes x can come, or sorry x won't be able to come. Seriously it is not that bloody difficult.

This is all down to her bloody father. He's told so many fucking lies and put so many restrictions on everything and it's DD who gets hurt, not me! He's slagged me off to all the parents at school and told so much bullshit about me and these small minded gullible morons buy it every time so don't talk to me at events and don't reply to my emails but again it's DD who is being hurt, not me, I couldn't care less what any of them think of me, I really don't need people like that in my life so if they don't like me, great! But don't hurt an innocent 7 year old child because you are so thick you believe any rumour going and are too stupid to ask if it's true or use reason and logic on your own.

It's far more embroiled than just a basic "they've not replied" but I just need a rant here before I do it on email to them.

I don't think YABU. Yes, it's rude. To an extent, I agree and invitation is a privilege and ought to be treated with courtesy. I have also been the mother who didn't RSVP promptly or, sometimes, even get the invitation in time but, when it's been a place limited thing, I have tried to respond ASAP.

OP, calm down. Ring the parents involved. Ask them directly if their DC will be able to attend your DDs party. Be NICE when talking to them.

Holidays are family time for many families. And many families don't want to schedule everything in advance for the entire holiday. So people may not know yet if their DC will be free to attend your DDs party.

This is par for the course for anybody scheduling parties over the holiday.

And I'm sorry - it is not a privilege to attend a birthday party. In fact, an invite for DC to attend a party over the holidays can be either a welcome break or a nuisance from the parents point of view.

You can't rant at people on email! You don't know what lives they lead
There may be a reason why they can't answer! You admit you don't know who they are so maybe they won't reply because of that reason!

You need to take a chill poll your not
Doing your
Child any favours

If the Easter break is the problem, you need to either do the party in March, during term time, sending the invites out 3-4 weeks in advance including please reply by x date as I need to confirm numbers. Or do the party later in May and remove the Easter break from the equation.