To have supported my daughter to get contraception...

[ginorwine]

My dd is 15 and has been with her boyfriend for 4 months. They have been getting more and more intimate and my dd asked me to take her to the clinic which I did today .the nurse said that sexual feelings are normal at this age and teens can often use condoms incorrectly or not use at all and this was a sensible option.
Our ds who is 16 saw the bandage on her arm and when dd told him he became very upset . He does not like boyfriend anyway and bf is a little cocky to my ds. It's just how he is and my ds is a very gentle person so they really don't get along .
Ds said he us going to " kill bf if he touches" dd and he has said we are bad parents letting this happen etc. he is in middle of as revision and this is v bad timning.
I'm sat here feeling terribly guilty for my ds being so distressed and he won't talk . For weeks he has said he doesn't like dd bf and we had just calmed things by agreeing that bf only comes on certain days p w so that d s can make plans to be elsewhere. When bf comes round he just stays in his room. Nothing has happened between them except that b f is a bit odd but kind to dd for eg he does not seem to respect boundaries and has gone in ds room when asked not to Ect. I'm feeling I've let my ds down in some way and I can't help him on this one he won't let me so I guess he has got to work thus thro himself.i think it has challenged a lot of things for him- his little sister growing up etc. what is bothering me is he actually cried and that's not usual at all. He is clearly threatened.
I am left feeling I've done something wrong but I felt I had to protect dd -but now I've got a distressed ds...have I been u and what do I do :(

[WilsonFrickett]

Can't answer for ops dd acat and sincerely hope/expect she is belt and bracing. I'm only talking about my own experiences.

[ACatCalledColin]

Can't answer for ops dd acat and sincerely hope/expect she is belt and bracing. I'm only talking about my own experiences.

Fair enough. However there have been a couple of people in this thread who have jumped to the conclusion that she won't be using condoms and the OP hasn't talked to her about the importance of them purely just because she has the implant.

[ICanSeeTheSun]

I think the BF and the brother need a lesson on how to treat a female.

Your poor daughter in the middle of a pissing contest.

[Monty27]

Hmm, the implant keeps 15 yo girls safe then?

[ICanSeeTheSun]

An STI in most cases is easy to treat.

An abortion is a lot more difficult to deal with.

[LonesomeDove]

I'd be concerned and uneasy. My first thought is that the boyfriend, if he is a bit of a loud laddish type, is being obnoxious to her brother at school - ridiculing and mocking him etc - and that he will turn on your daughter as soon as he is bored. If the boyfriend is one of the 'cool' boys and a bit of a looker, your daughter's judgement might be clouded. It's easy to be flattered in that kind of situation.

I hope I'm completely wrong however. And if it is a territorial thing, then her brother needs to realise he doesn't get to interfere in his sister's personal life.

[sykadelic]

ACatCalledColin - If you'd RTFT you'd see the OP did in fact mention condoms, many posts ago (almost an hour ago at 23:07).

"Have talked re condoms both not slept with anyone else"

Which implies there is no intention to use condoms so it's valid for people to point out that she should be using them anyway.

[PolkadotsAndMoonbeams]

I would imagine your DS is a bit stressed/worrying a bit about his exams, and really doesn't like your DD's boyfriend. It sounds like they clash (you said the bf is a bit rough and your DS is quite gentle, not really that type of person), which is fine, we obviously can't get on with everybody, but a bit unfortunate in this case.

He probably can't understand why DD wants to go out with somebody so horrible (in his opinion), and knowing it's serious (likely to have sex etc.) makes it seem even worse to him.

So between exams, that and probably his hormones too I would think it's all got a bit much for him and he's lashing out.

I think you've sorted out your DD for the moment (well done for that), so should probably focus on him now, even if it's just trying to make him forget about DD and her boyfriend. Would you be happy with them spending more time out together, at the cinema for example? Or going to his house a bit more? Just to keep them out of DS's way a little bit? I know he will have to deal with it at some point, but this time of year's probably hard enough for him without her adding to it!

He does need to get over it, but I think at the moment his revision should be the priority so don't go in heavy handed. 16 year olds aren't always as grown up as you'd think, and it sounds to me like he's struggling emotionally. Maybe he's not liking proof his little sister's growing up because he doesn't feel/want to be that grown up?

Perhaps have one go at explaining to him that if his DSis is going to have sex you all want her to be as safe as possible. Don't say you think she should/shouldn't, just say you want the best outcomes if she does. And then leave it.

And maybe give him a few treats (new highlighters for revision, or some chocolate) or take a drink and biscuit into him while he's working or give him hugs (if he'll let you!), just so he definitely knows you're there if he does want to chat about anything.

[PolkadotsAndMoonbeams]

Gosh sorry that was long! I just know teenage boys aren't always as tough as they seem, and they often seem to get a rough deal with people assuming they should be a lot more rational/grown up than they actually are.

They might start to be hairy and smelly and look like men, but they often have the same raging hormones/confused emotions as girls do, it just doesn't tend to be mentioned the same!

[sykadelic]

OP - Your DD needs to stop bragging about being on birth control. Telling her brother was an incredibly stupid thing to do, which she's now learnt. She shouldn't be going around telling other people either. As you've seen from this thread, she will be judged for it.

I don't agree with all your choices (or those posting on this thread) but I will keep those to myself because they'd just be shutting the gate after the horse has bolted. At the very least, I hope she was at least told that she's not covered by implanon yet. It takes about 2 weeks but waiting a month is better.

I had it for 4 1/2 years (2 separate ones) and had none of the reported symptoms except significant weight gain. I only had it while engaged/married so had no need for condoms.

[Xihha]

Sorting contraception for DD is definitely the right thing, as for DS, I'd be worried there's more to his dislike than you know but the way I'd explain it to him is that it's not his choice and would he be happier if DD got pregnant by this boy.

My DB is a year older than me and he's not liked any of my boyfriends, not even DH til we got married, some crap about him not thinking it was proper for his little sister to sleep around (for the record I didn't sleep around but that's not how he saw it)

[cafecito]

Your DS is getting the raw deal here - he has AS exams, and you are prioritising some arrogant disrespectful, possibly worse, stranger in your household and failing to protect him (and in his eyes his sister too) - the risk of implant is (aside from side effects) it gives the illusion that she's free to do whatever wherever with whoever and is completely safe. No, she needs condoms
DS - he needs respect, and respect for his space - he doesn't need the boyfriend in his face in his own home. You need to address this.

[cafecito]

condoms as well I mean,

[beanella]

I won't even start on the fact that your dd is 15 and condoning something that is illegal, so if anything goes pear shaped its down to you and her bf. What are you teaching either of your dc's here. I don't have a clue

How ridiculous. This is the real world.

What I do wonder is what on earth would make you tell your ds that you have supported your DD to get contraception? Firstly, it is her business and it is very private.

Your DS, will have his own thoughts and feelings about his sexuality. Is there a father or step father in the house? I'm guessing that he might feel he needs to take that role. What would a typical stereotype father do if he found out his teenage daughter was sexually active. It sounds like that is the role your son is taking.

I feel sorry for your DD that her first sexual experiences are going to be known to her family.

You should have kept this private and insisted on her right to privacy if pressed by your ds. You have two teenagers who have had their right to privacy invaded.

[ApocalypseThen]

Ages and methods of contraception are one thing, but if I were you, I'd be watching this boyfriend extremely carefully. You already know that he oversteps boundaries and disregards no.

You looked after your daughter with contraception, but pregnancy is far from the worst that can happen to a young girl.

[meditrina]

I'm not sure why this is an AIBU (it's teenagers/parenting/relationships advice you want, isn't it? And contraception is a side issue).

In my experience, teen DC (especially ones at or recently at the same school) are really good at knowing whether their siblings BF/GFs are OK or utter arses.

I'd give some serious thought to why DS has reached such a negative opinion on this BF.

[Atbeckandcall]

I'm thinking that the OP wasn't about whether or not contraception should be used but more to do with her ds's reaction to his dd and her bf.

OP, well done on being smashing enough for your sensible dd to come to you and talk about sexual health. Big pat on the back. If much rather my dd came and spoke to me about it at the age of 15 than having sex without having done so and catching STDs and getting pregnant. Regardless of whether or not it's illegal, teenagers will have underage sex if they want to. Probably best, as parents, they can talk to us about it.

Anyway, it's wonderful that your son cares so much about his sister. I'd suggest telling your ds that your dd's love life isn't really anything to concern himself with, and it's highly inappropriate for him to say he'll kill the bf for touching her. We don't live in Tudor times anymore. Also explain that if as a family there is a lot of resistance to the relationship, they will only be determined to stay together to "prove everyone wrong".

Suggest to your ds to not get too riled or react too much, your dd will only see it as him being the unreasonable one. It he remains calm and polite to the bf, he will eventually trip himself up, she'll see the light and dump him.

Hope that helps.

[plum100]

Yanbu to take your daughter to the clinic, its great she can come to you.
Yabu to tell her brother , or anyone else, it is her business -and if she likes people knowing shes had it- and im not saying she does - but if she does that would tell me shes a little immature still , so wise to get her on something because as others have said if shes going to do it, she will do it.

I would not trust this bf, sounds like a jack the lad to me. Trust your ds - if he doent like him there is obviously a reason and he will know more about him that you do .

[riskit4abiskit]

I also agree with the above posts; if your ds thinks he's unpleasant he probably is. Dont forget the bf is on best behaviour when he sees you!

Ask your ds to show you bf's Facebook and look back in the timeline to see how he treated any past gf and for his general attitude.

[riskit4abiskit]

Btw you sound like a fab mum

[softlysoftly]

I suspect this "bit of a lad" will be delighted your DD has the implant for him after just 4 months and will be proud to all and sundry. I also suspect that there is sweet fanny adams chance condoms will be used.

It's not automatically wrong to aid in contraception but there are some serious warning signs here. I think I'd also be booking her in for std checks on a quarterly basis just to reinforce to her she can still catch nasties with the implant.

I would have also encouraged her to wait longer than a short 4 month relationship before losing her virginity to him.

For your son you need to work out if this is based on genuine concern or not.

[Rebecca2014]

I feel sorry for your ds, he obviously feels intimidated having this boy in his home with him.

You need to start setting out rules for her boyfriend, he is not allowed into ds bedroom and the rudeness to your son has to stop. Your son has a right to feel comfortable in his own bloody home! I be angry actually if this happened to my child. You think your daughter would have told her boyfriend to leave her brother alone?

[Georgina1975]

You are right getting contraception for your DD - and you have done this within the context of talking things through with her. I would have done the same - I would hope that my DD would wait quite a bit longer than 15 but I would want her to be safe. On that note, as other people state, they must use condoms too.

I would speak with them both and set guidelines about "sleeping over" under my roof. Particularly about respecting other people. I would make it clear to BF that he will not be welcome if is is disrespectful to my son. One especially useful guide relates to limits - or before you know it you will have a semi-permanent visitor.

[Georgina1975]

Sorry - forgot to say. I would be less concerned about their age than the length of time they have been together. 4 months does seem quite quick to embark on a first (I am assuming that) sexual relationship?

[Ledkr]

How old is the bf? Don't forget he could still be in trouble if he's over 15.