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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not know if I want another baby or just a year off work?

6 replies

CinderellaRockefeller · 10/04/2014 20:43

I've got a four year old. Before having her, kind of thought we'd have two kids, once we had her, DH said he thought he was too old to have another (he's 42 this year). Which was fine, I wasn't that bothered really and I have health issues that might make subsequent pregnancies difficult. I'm 35 this year and suddenly I've started think maybe I do want another one. DH can probably be persuaded.

But this has coincided with me having a rotten time at work, which it would love to escape from. My friends from maternity leave are on their second baby and meeting up every week, and I feel a bit sad and left out. And I can't tell if I want a baby because I want a change or I WANT an actual baby. Which doesn't seem like a great reason to create a life really.

But I'm 35, it's probably my last chance for fertility (certainly my last chance to persuade DH he's not turning into Victor Meldrew imminently) and I'm unlikely to regret a baby once it's here. But I think I should have more of a yearn for another child than I do, it should be this all consuming thing shouldn't it? i maybe just want the bits around it. And if I decide no, then I might change my mind and it would be too late.

Confused! Anyone else been in this situation?

OP posts:
goodmum123 · 10/04/2014 21:24

Yes, my little girl is four in sept. I said no more after a horrific time in 2010 (illness, preeclampsia, then severe pnd etc) however....three years later we thought about it and decided we could get through it. Also all my friends on number two, and like you, missed the groups. I also work nearly ft and I'm sick of it!
Furthermore, we live quite rural and at the weekends she longs for a little one to play with.

If I'm honest, her and my husbands wishes did come first (also I was never ever forced or made to feel pushed into it).i just knew they wanted another one in our family.

We decided to try (we're silly and play what we call Russian Roulette!- we just stop all contraception, relax and simply see where it takes is iyswim)

That was at Christmas and we are expecting in sept 14!

I'm excited but have to be honest and sometimes (privately ask myself if I've done the right thing- that sounds awful doesn't it ?). This is not helped by the fact that old memories are surfacing, I'm dreading the likely preeclampsia the c section , the ward afterwards-yuk!!! But overall I think I'd be gutted if I wasn't pregnant (no pleasing me ;-))

Also, I've been I'll from the start with this one, sickness, headaches, blood pressure (now on lots of tablets), asthma related problems (now inhaler four times a day) both pregnancy related only, like last time! Oh and now infection after infraction (now on antibiotics)

Ok, none of that helps, I'm sure. Bt that's how I feel, both elated and then not at all but I look forward three or four years when hopefully there's the two of them playing together and is never think of the process of pregnancy and birth again.

Btw I'm 37 and husband 43 so reasonably similar to you.

Inbox me if you fancy a chat off here, all the very best xx

orangeone · 10/04/2014 21:27

I wondered all of that and more. Then DD2 arrived and I love her and the way she completed our family... I think you can over think these things sometimes.

orangeone · 10/04/2014 21:32

Sorry, not meant my last post harshly, just reassuringly...

mycatlikestwiglets · 10/04/2014 21:47

Tbh my wish to try to conceive DC2 was at least partly down to my wish for another year off work! I'm on maternity leave ATM and enjoying it much more this time around - possibly because I don't plan on having any more DC so I know this is probably my last chance to have a break from work without needing to resign first. It's as valid a reason as any to TTC imo if you want a second anyway!

Panzee · 10/04/2014 21:50

The fact that I was really hating work concentrated my mind on conceiving number two. But I always wanted two.

I have never felt the yearn, just wanted my babies.

HenriettaTurkey · 10/04/2014 21:50

You are actually me, aren't you! 37 and had this exact conversation with DH tonight!

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