to not know why dd had a breakdown

[Libby456]

While talking about her studies dd had a breakdown and started to scream uncontrollably. I'm concerned this could be a sign of depression, she doesn't let me touch her and is resistant towards me hugging her. Does anyone else have experience or advice that could be useful? I don't know the reasons behind this and am in two minds for her to either tell me what's happening so i can help or or tell her to get a grip!
Libs x

If you read my other comments deathwatchbeetle, you would see that i would never tell her to get a grip. it was a bad choice of words on my behalf and they would never pass my lips to her, or my other dd. I am just to helpless i don't know what to do. booking her an appointment so thats a start.

I'd try and find out what the main problems are. I am presuming she is not living at home. Is the course too difficult or does she not like it. It would be a start to make an appointment with the student counsellor.

I would say to her ' Im always here for you, if you ever need me, even just for a moan or chat'

How about booking a spa weekend for the two of you, for after exams,

I agree with panis attack. I used to have them - actually I was around the same age as your daughter at the time.

It feels like you're just going to die and can't catch a breath and I couldn't have anyone touching me especially not a hug as that would have felt like I was suffocating.

I think the doctor is worthwhile x

Libby456

You currently have a thread going in Bullying regarding you 15 yo DD and the fact that she is being bullied which you have also started today. Is there a bigger issue going on at home?

Perhaps the pressure of her studies is getting on top of her. Has she shared any concerns about her exams? I would try and pick a good moment to have a chat about the screaming incident and explain you are concerned that she is not herself and would like to help as you love her very much. Hope you get to the bottom of it soon.

Libby

When she's come back from the party, had a night's sleep and is calmer, you need to talk about this with her. At 19 she is an adult, so maybe tell her how concerned you are about her behaviour, that you care about her and want to make sure she is OK.

You cannot contact the university on her behalf, as she is an adult, they cannot discuss her with you without her prior written consent. Even with this, they may prefer to have her present in any conversation with you.

If you want some advice, however, please call the university and have a general chat with student services - they will be able to give you some information on a general level without compromising her right to confidentiality. Don't contact her tutor - they are not trained to assist in complex pastoral care. Once you've spoken to the university, you can discuss options with her.

It's really common for first years to feel overwhelmed and at breaking point at this time of year. University stops being fun right around now - deadlines, module choices, friendship groups collapsing, running out of money, etc. Your daughter isn't alone in feeling overwhelmed, and the vast majority of students make it through!

There's nothing in our home life that is out of character at all. both my daughters are going through bad times and i honestly think its a coincidence. youngest dd is being bullied and now that i am aware of this i am going to do everything i can to reassure her and help her through it.

Have talked to oldest dd and found out the route of her distress is that her long term bf cheated on her which she didnt want to say because she says she didnt want to make it real.
I have cooked us some munchies and we are going to sit down all 3 of us and watch some non romantic films!

Even though these issues are not resolved and i still would like both my daughters to receive some form of help, i think we all have some form of control over the matter.
Libs x

But you said that recently your eldest DD has shied away from physical affection which you said is new so isn't that out of character?

What i meant is that nothing has happened home-wise that could be a side effect for this.

We have a loving relationship that has always stayed consistent. no family news.

although i now know (at least one) reason why she's been like this lately im still going to help her.

dd not wanting physical contact is extremely out of character but im going to work on that until she seems able enough come back to her charming bubbly self.

There isn't an easy way to say this, but my first reaction on reading your op is that your dd has been the victim of a sexual assault.
Obviously I hope that I'm wrong and that it is an exam stress incident, but I think you need to speak to a trained counsellor with her.

Libby in the morning can I suggest you call Young Minds' parent helpline; you can speak to a trained counsellor who can give you some advice and tell you whether or not you need to take it further and if so how - a ten minute conversation will put you on the right track and help you both:

www.youngminds.org.uk 0808 802 5544

Good luck hope it works out.

Hi Libby. Her uni will have a counselling service specifically geared up to deal with any issues she's having. You could try contacting their Student Services dept to discuss making her an appointment. They take the welfare of their students very seriously. I hope she's feeling better soon.