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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stalk my ex

31 replies

creakyfloor125 · 09/04/2014 16:31

Can't be bothered to NC.

I was with my ex for about 3 years and we split up 9 years ago. I've been with my DP for 8 years.

Me and ex were only 20 when we split up, both very immature. We both cheated on each other (I found out about him, he never knew about my cheating) and it generally wasn't a happy relationship- I was psycho jealous and he knew just which buttons to press. To be honest a lot of the time he just used to make my skin crawl.

Anyway, I now live 200 miles away from where we lived as kids and where he still lives now. A couple of weeks ago, I was back seeing my mum and I saw him outside Tesco. I was hung over and wearing pyjamas Blush and no make-up so I hid. And I did actually properly hide, like between two recycling bins. Then this old woman came and started recycling and I skulked out and she started have a go at me and then walked off to her DH muttering about 'drug addicts behind the bins' Blush. That's a whole other story.

Anyway, this got me interested in what he's doing, what he's up to so I started Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and general internet stalking him. At first it was like 'oh that's very interesting' but I've become slightly obsessed and must spend about an hour a day flicking through his photos, reading his blog (his grammar is still as shocking as when we were 18), looking at his mums/aunts/grans Facebook pages. Even though I've seen most of it before- very few updates- I still like having a look.

My best mate can't see the appeal of stalking an ex and said I'm being VU but I just can't help it and told her my obsession will pass. Will it?! AIBU?! Probably. Please tell me you stalk your exes as well.....

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 09/04/2014 16:34

How would your DP react if he found you doing this.

Wantsunshine · 09/04/2014 16:36

Be careful on LinkedIn you can see who has viewed you on there.

Forgettable · 09/04/2014 16:36

Umm no, no stalking here

May be time to block him and his family on fb, and twitter, to prevent self from peeking

And - iirc LinkedIn shows the person who is looking at their profile....

creakyfloor125 · 09/04/2014 16:37

ICanSeeTheSun Hmmm, not sure. I think he'd be interested because (a) he's massively nosey and (b) he hates my ex so would like to know what's going on with him.

But I think if he knew I was looking every single day, he'd be Hmm and if I thought he was stalking his ex like this I'd also be Hmm

OP posts:
shakinstevenslovechild · 09/04/2014 16:37

What exactly are you getting out of it.

If I found out my dp was obsessively looking up their ex on a daily basis then I would very seriously question the relationship.

It's fairly normal to do it once, or even occasionally, but not daily.

creakyfloor125 · 09/04/2014 16:38

Forgettable I'm not friends with him on FB, twitter etc. I just look 'from outside' so only at the public stuff.

I've already disabled the LinkedIn thing so people can't see its me looking at their profiles. I did this for an entirely different reason when I was trying to find out about someone who'd applied for a job with me. Honest.

OP posts:
EllaFitzgerald · 09/04/2014 16:39

I'll admit I've occasionally been tempted to have a nose, but I've always sat on my hands or done some housework until the urge passes. Let it stay in the past where it belongs.

Forgettable · 09/04/2014 16:39

Huh thanks VERY much shakinstevenslovechild, I have This Old House as my earworm now, harrumph

Grin
Forgettable · 09/04/2014 16:40

Even so, still go through and block block block so you can't look

MeepMeepVroooom · 09/04/2014 16:40

OP A little bit of casual stalking is fine. I'm disbelieving of anyone who says they haven't done it (providing they are on social media). But an hour a day Hmm step away from the computer/smart phone/tablet/laptop (delete as applicable)

shakinstevenslovechild · 09/04/2014 16:42

Thanks right back at you Forgettable now I do too Grin

Youdontneedacriminallawyer · 09/04/2014 16:43

Let's talk about the fact that you were in Tesco IN YOUR PYJAMAS!!

OP - how could you?

Forgettable · 09/04/2014 16:43
Grin
PedantMarina · 09/04/2014 16:44

I thought Tesco has a ban on people wearing pyjamas.

spectacularly missing point, again

creakyfloor125 · 09/04/2014 16:45

Youdontneed LOL.... I know. They're not even my 'grey trousers that could be pyjamas but could be just baggy jogging bottoms'. They are blue with pink pigs all over them so very undoubtedly pyjamas.

OP posts:
MeepMeepVroooom · 09/04/2014 16:47

They are blue with pink pigs all over them so very undoubtedly pyjamas.

I don't think the stalking is your biggest problem OP Grin

Hogwash · 09/04/2014 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Youdontneedacriminallawyer · 09/04/2014 16:48

Could never bring myself to go out in PJs. Do you wear them to bed after you've been shopping in them?

creakyfloor125 · 09/04/2014 16:49

Meep I don't see the point in wearing PJs unless they are vulgar and garish and undoubtedly PJs.

The MN conclusion seems to be that IABU about this stalking! Damn you!

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 09/04/2014 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brokenhearted55a · 09/04/2014 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wantsunshine · 09/04/2014 16:56

Don't worry about the stalking. Stop leaving your house in pajamas!

FutTheShuckUp · 09/04/2014 17:03

Your life is on tatters. You stalk your ex and go out in public wearing pjs. I say this in the nicest possible way Wink

FutTheShuckUp · 09/04/2014 17:04

In damn it

PedantMarina · 09/04/2014 17:26

FuttheShutUp (great name, BTW), dare one enquire how you would have worded it in NOT the nicest possible way?

G'wan, you know you want to... Grin