AIBU to expect help putting my socks on?

[Bardette]

So I'm sitting on the stairs with one sock half on. I have repeatedly asked DM (36) to put my socks on for me, even though I am able to do it myself and have been for a while. I have explained that these socks are trickier to put on than my other socks, I have 'lost' the other sock twice now, I have asked my brother to help.
To be honest the situation has reduced me to tears. I know I can put my own socks on but somehow it is now about more than just the socks.
And the bloody woman is just sat there tapping away on her Kindle.

In the good old days, you'd have been able to insert a large poo into the VCR but DVDs have rendered this classic and effective form of protest obsolete.

You have my sympathies.

SIBU - of course she should be putting your socks on! Do you have anything to hand that you could throw down the stairs (preferably something expensive/noisy?) If not, I'd up the volume of the wails

How about a nice sandwich to cheer you up? You can have a meltdown if she slices it, that'll be fun

LTM (leave the mother).

Have you tried ramming a spoon into the CD slot of the family computer?

Poo on her kindle.

It's never ever just about the socks.

It's a power struggle and if you give in now you will never win.

Sockless for ever I say.

We have to leave in about five minutes, if I can just hold out...

Hold your breath and go blue.

Now is definitely the time to wet yourself and watch her jump!

How are you at making yourself sick? Or perhaps try the "stiff as a board" trick.

Yanbu, I hAve this problem she expects me to get myself dressed all the time. Just because I can doesn't mean I want to!

You should have plenty snot by now. Smear some gently round your face. Wait. As DM approaches....wait....let her get close.....wipe your face on her jumper. Hopefully she is wearing black. That'll learn her.

ghost

When they are distracted, go and grab a bag of sugar, then empty it all round the house. They will be finding it for days. That'll show them (it is tried and tested this method. I promise).

Kick her in the face. In front of her 'competent parent friend'. She will rue the day she messed with you.

If the lazy cow does actually get off her arse and put them on don't forget to scream hysterically about the seams as if they were made of barbed wire and then take them off again.
That'll teach her

If she gets you out of the house, appear to cower in fear from her in front of every adult you see all day, and whimper.

Just chant "sock on, sock off, sock on, sock off" ad infinitum rising to a steady crescendo. If even that fails then can't you just try a delicate-ish tumble down the stairs, see if the sound of your cranium bouncing off the stair rail will stir DM to action? If not well then, you will just have to accept we can't have everything we want in life, in my day we put on socks made of barbed wire in the snow, all by ourselves before the age of 2...people have gone bloody soft nowadays

Thank you for your suggestions. I went with hanging the sock on one toe and sobbing "I tried but it's just too hard", then I asked for a cuddle and sobbed pitifully, so she put my socks AND shoes on.
Some days it's just too easy.

This is pure genius and has made me smile in a rather blue evening. Thanks OP :)

Glad it ended well for you OP. Next time up the ante by doing exactly what you did and then topping it off with a half-hour meltdown, complete with the expulsion of as many bodily fluids as you can muster (I suggest not going to the loo all morning - this should help with the all-important "explosive" quality you're ideally aiming for), because SHE HAS PUT YOUR SOCKS ON THE WRONG FEET.