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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be feeling low and vulnerable? (work related)

14 replies

Feelingvlow · 09/04/2014 00:35

I am in tears and cannot sleep. Recently got promoted at work - I have a great manager who is supportive and has pushed for work to pay for me study for professional qualifications, which I am doing well with, but it's bloody hard work.

Anyway, first morning of new role my manager's boss calls me in and talks about new job briefly, no congratulations or anything btw. Then goes on to say three people (who all worked for him and resigned) have said one of their reasons for going was that I talked about them with my manager and they could lip read what was being said through the glass - offices have glazed walls in the building. He then said that if the new person starting soon doesn't work out then he'll be looking at me and I'll be in big trouble. WTF?

They left because the job is massive and he is difficult to work for. He has almost impossibly high standards that keep changing. One of them even bought me a pressie when she left. One jumped before she was pushed - her replacement was already there 'working with her'.

The only time I have ever talked about a colleague has been when being asked how things are going with X or when something hasn't been right and I have had to flag it up. I don't have time or the inclination to bitch about anyone.

AIBU to think this series of events should not be pinned on me? I am worried that something completely outside my control could lead to me being made the scapegoat. I also think he could be playing mind games - and winning - because I have worked really hard but it's like the person who works for him has to be top dog instead of us being a team. My promotion comes with no pay rise: his decision; and when I asked for promise of pay rise to be built into my study agreement, he vetoed it.

What should be a happy time for me has left me feeling empty and crushed. Am I a complete mug I wonder? Oh, and then today I was told a direct report of mine is going to report to his new starter instead of me.

DP says I need to document to my manager and discuss it with them. I am scared to do so. What should I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingvlow · 09/04/2014 00:37

Sorry this is so long. I am a regular and NC'd for this.

OP posts:
Flibbedyjibbet · 09/04/2014 00:57

Do you work for a small or large company? Is there HR department? I think you should be speaking to them as well as your Manager.

He sounds like an oddball quite frankly. Who promotes someone and then blames them for staff quittinf?! Just plain odd.

Original poster
feelingvlow · 09/04/2014 01:12

Thanks Flibbedy. There is HR but HR Director reports to him - he is the Chief Exec. I feel utterly powerless. It's like I have to stand up for myself, but I can only see it ending badly for me. This may sound weird but it's almost like he dislikes our good working relationship. I feel he begrudges me my promotion.

OP posts:
ftmsoon · 09/04/2014 06:32

Hi, didn't want to read and run. Hope someone will be along with some more practical advice. My first thought is 'why would a promotion not be linked to a pay rise?' even if there is a probationary written in so it isn't straight away. This would be a red flag for me, especially as he vetoed it.
You need to document everything, including time and date, as a start.

NotJustACigar · 09/04/2014 06:40

Take your certificates and new job title and use them to your advantage in searching for a new job. If you can stand to try and stay at this one for a year to build up your Cv then do so, otherwise start looking now. I would definitely start putting yourself out there because this guy sounds like he wants rid of you.

mumminio · 09/04/2014 06:42

Sounds awful, poor you. I don't have any advice, sorry. Just wondering how much longer until you finish your qualification? It might be time to update your CV, and in the mean time, learn as much as you can from your new role.

Original poster
feelingvlow · 09/04/2014 07:12

Thanks. I am part-qualified at the moment and have another couple of years to go to finish. The difficulty is that I have to pay the fees if I leave. I am between a rock and a hard place.

OP posts:
Timeforabiscuit · 09/04/2014 14:47

ah crap, I really really feel for you Sad

Agree with above, document everything, if he starts getting awkward in meetings minute all of them, check back via email what your understanding was.

Depending on your field would a new employer pay off your fees should you need to repay? If its a role requirement a new employer would probably do it as they're getting the value out of it.

Pumpkinpositive · 09/04/2014 14:54

Bollocks they could lipread you! Only about 30% of English is lipreadable, the rest is worked out through context and filling in the gaps - and that's by skilled lip readers. As if some hearing person sitting at a distance looking at you through glass would be able to pick up your conversation.

He is talking mince - but you already know that.

Presumably you'll be telling your old manager what the new one one has said about supposed tete a tetes?

ViviPru · 09/04/2014 15:09

Sounds to me as though he suspects he might be up shit creek re these recent resignations (pending tribunals potentially?) and is laying the foundations for an angle to pin it on you. Record everything word for word in writing while it's fresh in your mind and keep a paper trail of everything from now on.

It could get worse before it gets better Sad but I'm a firm believer that when you've done nothing wrong and can prove it, you'll be alright in the end regardless.

ViviPru · 09/04/2014 15:10

Wouldn't hurt to give acas a bell at this stage either.

FabULouse · 09/04/2014 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
feelingvlow · 09/04/2014 15:50

Hi there - Pumpkin he is my manager's line manager and the overall boss. They are often 'difficult' characters in that role.

I have spoken with my manager this morning and told her how this has made me feel. She is incensed that he spoke to me about it in this way. Turns out she has had the same blasting from him as me, albeit several weeks ago after he conducted an exit interview with the last person who resigned. My manager thinks it's baloney and that he is clutching at straws because he is looking for any excuse for it not to be about him. HR are well aware of the situation, etc. She also told me that when he does these kinds of things, he goes too far with what he is saying and she has learned to let it wash over her. It's basically deflection by him.

I believe her because since the chat earlier in the week, he has been falling over himself to be nice to me.

My boss is fighting my corner for a pay rise - she has always come good on everything else in the time I have worked with her.

As for the lipreading - I think there was some paranoia there with the last person to leave and, yeah, if she was that good at it she should have made a career in it.

OP posts:
Timeforabiscuit · 09/04/2014 20:26

good to hear you have an ally, though I would still plan an exit strategy - there's nothing quite as shit as sitting somewhere and feeling that you have no choice but to stay put and take it.

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