to be a wee bit miffed at this sleepover idea?

[Dieu]

Evening all!
My eldest daughter (13) is having a sleepover round her friend's house on Thursday night, along with a few other girls, to celebrate the friend's birthday. They are having pizza delivered to the house on the night, watching DVDs and 'being left to it' according to the mum (although she will obviously be home). All fair enough and lovely.
On Friday, the plan is that the girls will go into town unsupervised for a spot of lunch, shopping, a milkshake etc. Individual parents have to pay for this. I didn't realise until now this was part of the plan, and had given my daughter £30 for some new clothes as a holiday treat just the other week.
I dunno, it just feels a bit crap that we're going to have to send M. to this party with money in her pocket. When M. had her birthday sleepover, I covered the expense of any treats between drop-off and pick-up the following day. It also seems a bit of a cop out. They have two cars, so why not take the girls for a picnic on the beach, or something else cheap or free.
AIBU? Thanks all.

Are they paying for the pizza?

Hi RJ. Yes, they are ... in all fairness to them.

If it's the day after the sleepover and you can't afford to give her any more pocket money just arrange to collect her before the shopping trip.

Yabvvu, it's not their responsibility, to provide spending money for your dd to go into town.

It depends on where they're eating lunch really

If it's somewhere expensive then YANBU

If it's Maccy Dees, can she not use her pocket money?

She doesn't need to actually shop just because her friend/friends are.

Collect her on Friday morning like others have said.

I agree, unfortunately she's already had her new stuff, but it shouldn't be too bad just giving her some lunch money?

When my oldest dd was in year 7 there was a number of birthday 'parties' that involved going to a large shopping centre. The parent would pay for the meal and then leave the girls to go shopping. Inevitably they wanted some money to spend. I thought it was a cop out and with the cost of a gift all a bit expensive.

I think yabu, when thirteen year olds go into town they do so unsupervised and the parents of the birthday girl don't give all her friends money for their lunch.

we have had this. surely a fiver will do? they can window shop, take photos trying on the clothes,

Thanks for replies. No, I wouldn't expect them to give her spending money. Maybe just not for a shopping and lunch trip to be arranged.

i should think they will be too tired from lack of sleep anyway, can you make other plans?

But with thirteen year olds, the parents don't 'arrange' it, the girls do.

I think 13 seems to be around the age when they start paying for themselves.

My dd is 14 now and her friends seem to make the arrangements themselves and pay for themselves too.

Could it be that the parents of your dd's friend arranged the sleepover and then the girls planned the lunch and shopping themselves.

I think the unsupervised lunch is a nod to the great independence sought by this age group and would not work so well if a parent turned up for it even if only to pay. I get my daughter to budget for these social treats out of her pocket money so there isn't a belief that there is a never ending stream of money. This also usually means everybody keeps the lunch costs low ie under a £5. It does add up when you factor in presents etc teens are not cheap!

It sounds hellish. They will all be exhausted and grumpy on Friday anyway, and shopping is depressing at the best of times.

Agree with other replies. The 'birthday treat' is the pizza/DVDs/Sleepover.
If you want, you could collect her the next day.
Or, the girls have decided they want to carry on spending time together and have arranged to go into town. that's a choice that teenage girls sometimes make. Up to you if you give her that money or if she budgets out of her pocket money or if she goes for the company but doesn't buy anything, but not up to other parents to fund half a dozen teenagers spending money, no.

I think it's worth bearing in mind that this is your oldest dd ... My youngest is almost 13, and I would see this as totally normal.

Wait until next year when the boys and booze parties start! Or three years time, when individual parents are responsible for sending individual children with their own individual vodka!

Ok, I can see now that I've been a bit unreasonable, although it's not how I'd do things on my shift. Thanks again for the sense of perspective! x

I would have presumed the sleepover is the party and then the activities the next day are something the girls have arranged/fancied doing as well.

I agree with TheOriginalSteamingNit, I think maybe her being your eldest is playing a part. This is very normal and dare I say tame for that age group, I'd just appreciate that in itself.

If you can't afford it, get her to come home rather than go out. Say you have plans etc

TBH I'd be surprised if they even make it out.

I think I'd lend dd say £20 (enough for lunch & a few bits from Claires), & give her the opportunity to earn it by doing chores OR consider it an advance on pocket money.

If this would be a stretch (or she's not happy with that suggestion!) then the alternative is to pick her up Friday morning.

Agree with PPs that it's quite a harmless/ordinary thing for a bunch of 13yos to want to do; I'd facilitate it if I could, but not by just handing over a wodge of cash with no element of her earning it or paying it back!

Oh girls!! Love the teen stage!

My rule,

give her what you can afford. Tell her that's it. She will miraculously manage to go.

Girls are clever you know.

This is pretty normal OP, suck it up.