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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - HV Visit

77 replies

RalphLaurenLover · 08/04/2014 20:38

Been to the HV today for my DS's 18-24 month check and she spoke to me like I was a complete and utter idiot.

His name is double barrelled and both names is what he goes by yet she refused and would only use the first one despite me asking numerous times.

My DS didn't want to sit on my lap and wanted to stand yet she point blankly refused this so made me hold him down kicking and screaming whilst she then waved a tub of 100's and 1000's in his face and wondered why he wasn't cooperating!

I was with my friend and her LO (6 weeks older) and every time he come up to the desk to look what she was doing she'd turn to him and go "No these aren't your toys go and stand over there" then gently push him away his mum couldn't even get a word in to ask him to move before she'd do this.

She asked me how many words can DS say and I said I'm not sure as I don't really count never know I should of just off the top off my head I said about 15/20 and she looked at me and said "Is that it?! He should be stringing sentences together like "mummy can you get me a drink please I'm thirsty" and saying at least 50+ word clearly" She looked disgusted she carried that look on when she showed my DS a picture of a dog, cat and ducklings face and asked him what they were and to point to them. Well he completely ignored her request and looked at her to which she then said "So he doesn't even know the basic animals then?!" I told her he did if you took him and showed him a real dog/cat/duck he'd say it and point as he does when I take him to the country park.

She then gave me a lecture about why he's not in Pre-School yet (I don't work and I am a single parent plus he's not even 2 yet so I can't get him seen round until he is) and if he was he'd be 'normal' for his age I.e the speaking and pointing at pictures.

AIBU or was she just a douche I mean I don't know any 2 year old that can string together a lengthy sentence and knows over 50+ words

OP posts:

NearTheWindymill · 08/04/2014 21:25

Michael Wilshaw his the ed of Hofsted. Grammar school boy

Original poster

RalphLaurenLover · 08/04/2014 21:26

Then most probably haha!

OP posts:

IamaBreastfeedingTramp · 08/04/2014 21:50

douche.

deakymom · 08/04/2014 22:09

ive had some awful and some brilliant HV the one i have now is non existent i can never get to see her so i just leave it as she is so flippin busy (apparently every time i call) when my son had a check at two years i was asked about language i told her he makes himself understood he is more interested in the potty she got a bit snooty that my sons speech was not clear did i KNOW it was a side effect of him using the dummy when he was little? i was a bit and said well that is why i took it off him! with the tests he refused to perform point blank i said if she was really worried i would film him and she could see it next time she never came back!

NearTheWindymill · 08/04/2014 22:21

My son had a dummy until he was 4 . He used to spout incredible vocabulary very clearly through it. It was a mistake but it made not difference whatsoever to his speech.

oddsocksmostly · 08/04/2014 22:22

I always think it's worth complaining if you feel upset about something.

You should get a civil response and possible explanation
It will help services improve

Tiredtomybones · 08/04/2014 23:05

I have no time whatsoever for HVs. I always come away from meetings frothing about their shitty attitudes and advice. We have a team of HVs here, nobody is assigned their own HV so it's the luck of the draw who you get. I understand there is one good HV on the team. I am wondering whether to accept their "invitation" for ds to have his 12 month check. Dp thinks it will raise alarm bells if we don't go. I know it will raise my blood pressure if we do. Op, YANBU.

Original poster

RalphLaurenLover · 10/04/2014 00:44

I spoke to them today they're sending the HV who normally sees us out who is lovely! And she apologised

OP posts:

NeedsAsockamnesty · 10/04/2014 01:06

I can't get to see one not for love nor money!

I call up say I want to see one and get told they don't need to see me unless I have concerns as I'm universal,nobody so far has been able to explain what being universal means. I say I have concerns (lots of ASD in family 2 year old showing signs) to be told they don't mean those types of concerns but they won't explain what sort of concerns they deal with

tutu100 · 10/04/2014 01:14

I think some HV are a bit odd. I had a group of lovely, sensible HV but there was one odd one. She was the one who did ds2's 2 year check. She marked him down for not knowing what a tea cup was (I don't drink tea and don't have tea cups) and for calling a teddy bear bear when she said it was a teddy. My Mum was with me and was struggling to not laugh. She also got cross with ds2 when he wouldn't sort the blocks into colours, he built a tower instead.

She told me I needed to be firmer with him and then asked why I'd breast fed him till he was 11 months. She also told me that I should be giving him dairy products despite me telling her and it being in the notes that he was dairy intolerant due to a bowel disorder.

Luckily ds2 obviously wasn't my first child, so my Mum and I just had a good giggle when we left and decided she was just bonkers.

MoominsAreScary · 10/04/2014 06:43

Yep she sounds useless, some of them are.

OwlinaTree · 10/04/2014 07:38

It always amazes me when people chose to work with people, yet seem to have not bothered to develop empathy and communication skills. Hope you get a more positive outcome OP.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/04/2014 07:44

That's great Ralph, hopefully your experience will be more postive

SolomanDaisy · 10/04/2014 07:46

Those sentences suggestions seem oddly convoluted to expect of a just turned two and the vocabulary is very unusual. Are you sure that is exactly what she said?

cashmiriana · 10/04/2014 07:54

Expected receptive and expressive speech levels in under 5s can be found here:

www.talkingpoint.org.uk/sites/talkingpoint.org.uk/files/stages-speech-language-development-chart001.pdf

Age 2-3 years the norm is putting 2 and 3 word sentences together. The HV has unreasonable expectations of a not yet 2 year old.

cashmiriana · 10/04/2014 07:57

Sorry read wrong column, it's 4-5 word sentences. But that would be something like "Mummy, I saw big dog." I would also expect mistakes in verb forms, e.g. I goed downstairs / I runned away.

Nospringflower · 10/04/2014 08:00

I would complain. I think people who can't interact with people appropriately shouldn't be doing their job and should be getting feedback about their performance. Can't believe she ignored you and used the wrong name! If everyone just accepts bad service she will carry on like this.

thebody · 10/04/2014 08:00

They irritated me beyond belief and i am a nurse myself.

Went once or twice after ds1 then didn't bother with the others.

You don't need to see them or go to a clinic.

If your happy your baby is ok then don't bither

Aeroflotgirl · 10/04/2014 08:07

Tge gap between just 2 and 3 is very big, a whole year for development is a lot in a young toddlers life. Who comes up with these developmental milestones? Xhikdren are different, and develop at different rates. Dd paed said to me, a lot of development happens between 3-5 years old, tests a huge gap of development!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/04/2014 08:11

2 year old are hugely different. Ds was asking the difference between a crowd and an audience at that age, his incessant chatter drive me bonkers but he still had a bottle before bed and was in pull ups until he was gone 3. They do things in their own time. Let her tick boxes

julieann42 · 10/04/2014 08:12

I was a midwife and when the health visitor upset me about breast feeding with her rather ropey knowledge I decide not to see her again. That was 18 years ago and it depresses me that in a lot of cases things still haven't improved!

Aeroflotgirl · 10/04/2014 08:13

Dd7 has ASD, ds 2.3 years dies nit gave signs of ASD but his speech is a bit delayed ( we are are seeing speech therapist in May). Since starting pre school, he is starting to say more words, and tries but cannot form them yet. He us only just 2, he has still a lot of time yet so nit worried. On tge whole he us a happy and sociable boy, he us developing well in other areas. Speech will come when he's ready. He dies try though.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/04/2014 08:14

Does not doh

thebody · 10/04/2014 08:14

My ds2 didn't speak really until his older brother went to school. He didn't need to as his brother talked for him.

He's now got a good degree.

Load of old bollocks these milestones.

Look at the child not the boxes.

Gurnie · 10/04/2014 08:18

She sounds absolutely horrible. What a nasty woman. Some children can speak very well even at that age and others can't just as some children walk early and others don't. My dd was just like this, she was extremely chatty from a very, very young age but would barely move!!! Seriously! She was he stillest child in the world! Fine now though!

Sorry about your experience, I wouldn't pay ANY attention to her!

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