to just want to run away

[Attheendofmytether123]

I am a single parent to 2 DDs (ages are 3 months and 4 years old) STBXH has drink problems and I kicked him out when DD2 was 8 weeks old. It has been hard coping with 2 on my own but up until now I have managed. His contact with them is irregular and limited to having them here in the family home which means that I never get a break. Family support is limited as both my parents and PIL are elderly and have health issues. Siblings on my side are busy with their own young children and STBXH is an only child. So there is nobody that I feel I can call on to have the children if i need it. DD1 does go to preschool 3 mornings a week which gives me a much needed break but I still have DD2 to look after and she only ever catnaps for 20-30 minutes at a time so still no time to just sit down and relax.

This week we have all been ill. I have had mastitis (currently on antibiotics) and then we all came down with a horrible cold. I feel like I have been hit by a sledgehammer. And the DDs have it too so they are really cranky and out of sorts. DD1 has spent the whole day tantruming and screaming at me while DD2 has cried every time I have tried to put her down in her bouncy chair or crib. We have all been like this since Friday and I have just completely and utterly had enough. STBXH is out in the pub every night with his friends living the single life and I can't even grab a minute to myself to have a wee. I have spent most of the day in tears, it just feels so relentless and never ending. I get absolutely no time to myself because DD2 wakes 3 or 4 times a night so when she finally settles at 8pm, I crawl into bed too. I would never do it but I feel like walking out and sending him a text to say I've had enough and it is his turn. AIBU for wondering how the hell I am supposed to get through the next few years?

I've raised DD alone for over 2 years now, she was also tiny when I separated in unpleasant circumstances.
IT GETS BETTER.
Having a toddler and a newborn is bloody tough, even for solid couples. You are doing it by yourself! Nothing wrong with going to bed early until your youngest is sleeping better. Do anything you can to rest.
You have done something wonderful for your DC in leaving someone with a drink problem, an enormous gift to them.
Stay strong, have a good cry if you need, and just give into the fatigue when you need to. As your newborn grows you can slowly piece together a daily rhythm that works for you all. For the time being just BE with your children, no need for fancy activities and days out at the moment.
When you have a moment, let yourself daydream about things getting better. And bit by bit you'll get there. Stay strong!

Hi, I was in similar circumstances a few years ago, ex left when DDs were 2YO and 6 weeks old. It was incredibly tough, I had no help from anyone the same as you and I also got evicted as LL wanted to sell house so had to move to council house back in my home town 10 miles away when youngest was 4 months old.

First of all, you are doing so well. Mastitis is a nightmare (had that when youngest was 3 months old) and you're bound to feel like utter shite.

Secondly, there is nothing wrong with crawling jnto bed at 8pm, I did it often and I also let certain household chores slip a little because they just weren't doable or important (such as iorning clothes when I had a dryer)

Thirdly. Mine are now 5 and 3 and I still don't get too pee in peace

Lastly. Be kind to yourself. Its fucking hard and exhausting and my ex was an asshole living the free single life too. You are a fantastic Mummy as you are there raising those kids. It gets easier I promise

it will get better x

I had a 6 and 4 year old and a 7month old - it was hard but we found our feet eventually - you will be fine xxxxxxx

well done on kicking him out. Hope you all feel better soon

Hi OP. I know you said your siblings are busy with their children, but I would hate to know my sibling was having such a tough time. Maybe worth asking? Or Homestart maybe be possible?