to ask ex for CMS (csa) payments?

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Ex has moved to cornwall recently (250 miles away instead of the previous 5) and keeps missing our pre-arranged maintenance 'dates' so I called up CMS (child maintenance service) for advice. They suggested the direct maintenance plan, where they get his details, check what he earns etc and calculate the fairest amount then sort out a set date/arrangement that's legally binding. It's not as severe as the full on CSA/CMS order but if he misses payments they chase him up etc.

He's not seen DS for 2 months as the commute to work has stressed him out and he can't face driving that far anymore. His GP has signed him off. Fair enough. I do feel for him. But I also have DS to feed and bills to pay I feel like a bitch. I'd happily not bother at all but it's neccessary atm.

I prewarned him just now and he said that it better not be too much as DS is 'at nursery half the week then I have him for one night a fortnight so it's not like you have him all the time' He does pay an ok amount when I've chased him up every month though. I just can't keep stressing about money like this anymore. I've got enough on my plate as it is with family issues, lots of illnes, DS's club foot (ongoing health condition) etc.

and yes, he may be at nursery 9-3 for 3 days a week but I still have bills to pay, food to buy, transport to pay for even when he's not with me as i'm the RP

Knobbers sums it up nicely!

I wish you well.

There are so many of us about that I wonder where all the "greedy grabby women" actually are... I mean the numbers just don't stack up

I know!

And thank you

Got a text this morning saying that I'm putting too much pressure on him at a time when he's so stressed and that I'm heartless

You haven't seen, heard from or asked after your son in almost 2 months or paid on the day you said you would for 3 months and I'm heartless?

I'd love to not have to bother with all this actually but I haven't got that luxury atm. Ahhh.

Parental obligations dont disappear when you are stressed.
kids still need a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs and food in their mouths when you are stressed.
poor bloody him.
See if your remote works on your kid, OP. If you can press pause, you can freeze your son andhis dad can let you know when you can restart your sons needs.

Text him back and say that although you sympathise he is not your responsibility. Your son is. And it's your job as a parent to ensure he is provided for.

Text back "You missed the maintenance payment date X times. I have to pay for rent, utilities, food just the same. Those bills as resident parent don't go away because you're stressed. DS needs looking after with a roof over his head and food in his tummy - excuse me if I prioritise a 3yo's needs over a grown man's. You leave me no choice but to go through the CSA who calculate based on various criteria (see online for details)"

What a knobber he is

I have learnt not to rely on money from my exh. I budget on the money that i know is guaranteed.

My exh will do anything to avoid paying for his dd. He quits his job when the csa catch up with him, he moves house every few months, he ignores the letters for the csa.

I just don't understand why people do that, Wandering.

Surely it costs them more to keep moving, to lose money because they are unemployed?

They'd rather have less money and more hassle in life in order to avoid putting a morsel of food into the mouth of the child they created?

I honestly don't understand how anyone can be such a huge shit.

sorry, in case that wasn't clear, I was sympathasing with you!

I dont understand it either. Especially as he will tell anyone who will listen how much he loves his dd.

The only time i am guaranteed money for my dd is when he is claiming jsa which isnt often as he has a partner who supports him when he quits his job.

My situation with my exh makes me want the csa to take his new wifes income into consideration seeing as she is supporting him in avoiding the csa.