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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross about this shopping trip?

26 replies

chandlerbing · 08/04/2014 19:05

A friend asked if I wanted to go into town today for a look around the shops and lunch. We agreed to meet at 10, and when she turned up she'd brought a friend with her. I'm not overkeen on this friend, as she is quite self absorbed and everything has to revolve around her, and also I wasn't happy because my friend didn't mention that this other friend was coming along!

Anyway, everything revolved around this other woman; when we went into shops she'd take about 20 items into each changing room, and took ages trying them all on, asking us if she looked fat (she didn't - she's a size 6-8 with a fantastic figure), kept trying on different combinations of outfits, and sending my friend and I back out to the shop floor to get different sizes and colours in various things.

The whole morning revolved around the shops that she wanted to look in. She doesn't like Next or New Look so we couldn't go in those. Then at lunchtime we had planned to go to Pizza Express but because she doesn't like it there we ended up elsewhere. Then after lunch it was back to shops where she'd tried on a million items because she wanted to buy things she hadn't bought at the time.

My friend and I got no time to chat, and I didn't really get to go in any shops that I wanted to go in because it all had to revolve around her friend.

AIBU to be pissed off and feel like my day has been wasted?

OP posts:

FourForksAche · 08/04/2014 19:09

yanbu, have you spoken to your friend about how it went?

pictish · 08/04/2014 19:12

Yanbu. This would annoy me...although being the way I am, I would have left them to it, splintered off and gone to my shops without them. The day is pointless otherwise, like you say...and I wouldn't have cared about putting Miss It's-All-About-Me's nose out of joint. If your friend wants to waste her time fawning over her, fine.

HecatePropylaea · 08/04/2014 19:13

Why couldn't you say I want to go in X / I am going to go in X. I don't want to eat at Y, we have planned to go to...

I can't help thinking that you didn't have to have the day revolve around her, you chose to rather than be assertive, go in the shops you wanted to go in and have the lunch you wanted.

What would have happened if you'd just have gone in new look? Or chatted with your friend? This other woman wouldn't have been pleased? So what?

I mean, yes, clearly this other woman is bossy and pushy, but there will always be people like that and it is near impossible to change them! you need to learn how to change yourself so that you don't feel that you 'have' to go along with them.

CountessOfRule · 08/04/2014 19:13

YADNBU. How weird and mannerless. Did neither of you have the whatnot to challenge her, though?

Tell nice friend outright that you want to see just her next time.

Original poster

chandlerbing · 08/04/2014 19:15

I guess I just went along with things for a quiet life. Also I didn't want to offend the other woman as my friend and her are quite close.

I think next time I'll just tell my friend that I'd like it to be just the two of us.

OP posts:

FourForksAche · 08/04/2014 19:16

I think hecate's right (as usual! ), perhaps. you could try being more assertive and see what happens?

FourForksAche · 08/04/2014 19:18

I might be wrong here, but if your friend and the other are already close, could it be that your friend was hoping you two would hit it off?

Original poster

chandlerbing · 08/04/2014 19:18

I wish now that I'd just gone off and done my own thing and left them to it tbh. My friend seemed happy to be her disciple, going and getting different sizes in clothes etc, and so I'd have looked mean spirited and awkward if I'd have refused.

OP posts:

Original poster

chandlerbing · 08/04/2014 19:19

FourForks, I think it's more a case of the friend invited herself. She has done similar before when my friend and I have had plans.

OP posts:

FourForksAche · 08/04/2014 19:20

ah.

pictish · 08/04/2014 19:32

Vote with your feet if it happens again. You can be cheery and polite while refusing to play minion to the uninvited. There is nothing unreasonable about not wanting to spend your planned shopping day trailing around after Lady Muck. You're not staff!

meganorks · 08/04/2014 19:46

I think I would have just said 'i want to go xxx so while you try that koy on I'll go there and meet back for lunch'. Annoying you didn't know she was coming but maybe your friend hadn't planned it - ie she just invited herself along.

CombineBananaFister · 08/04/2014 19:55

It sounds like a rubbish shopping trip, surely most normal people would expect to go to a few of the places which each person likes but some people are just selfish and thick skiined enough/self-absorbed not to notice.
It's a shame you didn't get to catch up with your friend but I would have cut my losses rather than scurry round after the other lady and just said:
'righto,no offense but this not my cup of tea, there's places I'd like to look too so I'll catch up with you later for lunch' and maybe suggested to my friend we could do it another time when we could have a proper chat or whatever.
Life's too short to be trudging round being miserable.

Topseyt · 08/04/2014 19:57

You aren't being unreasonable.

I must say that your post has reminded me why I am very much a lone shopper. I just want to go at my own pace, and I enjoy it that way. I don't like it with people dragging me here, there and everywhere when I just want to mosey about.

Tell nice friend not to tell her when/where you are going next time. This woman really doesn't need to know.

complexnumber · 08/04/2014 20:27

You see, this is why it is sometimes easier to be a bloke.

I know this is of no help to the OP, and I apologise for that.

If my mate offered to meet me at 10 to wander around the shops, I would say 'no, we'll meet at 12:30 in the Red Lion'

He would then turn up at 12:00 with a bloke I had never met. This bloke would then buy a round and we would be best mates for the rest of the day.

5 pints later, we would say goodbye, probably with over affectionate hugs, and I would remember that I was instructed to buy some milk and cheese, I would forget the bread that I was meant to get, and phone an ex-girl friend.

So much easier!

(light hearted alert)

LindyHemming · 08/04/2014 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 08/04/2014 20:32

Especially the bit about phoning an ex girlfriend!

complexnumber · 08/04/2014 20:34

It was 'light hearted'!

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 08/04/2014 20:59

If I ever want to go clothes shopping I absolutely go on my own. It is impossible to go with friends and everybody get to do everything they want.

This is why I love online shopping. Even if you have to post stuff back it's less bloody hassle than a shopping trip.

Original poster

chandlerbing · 08/04/2014 21:00

To be honest I normally shop online as it's easier. I don't often get much childfree time to go shopping, and that particular friend and I don't get to see each other much, so I thought it would be a nice day out.

OP posts:

Joolsy · 08/04/2014 21:17

Myself and OH went away for the weekend with 2 other couples recently. I didn't really know the other 2 wives very well so when we went for a girlie shopping trip the next day I said "I've got lots of running round to do so I'll meet you outside Costa Coffee in 2 hours". And off I went. I think they were hoping I'd traipse round the shops with them but to me that's no fun. I'd probably do it with a close friend but not with anyone I didn't know very well.

Joolsy · 08/04/2014 21:17

So my point is YWNBU however you didn't have to go along with it.

gamerchick · 08/04/2014 21:27

I went shopping with somebody who does this.. she plans entire days dedicated to updating her wardrobe but this one time it was to just 'do some returns'. I lasted 2 hours of shops because apparently returning something means trying on replacements. and said I had to leave and left. Our wanted to put her head through a wall.

Of course im somebody who has to be dragged kicking and screaming clothes shopping for myself.

I'm In awe you stayed the distance but next time tell your friend if she brings this person along again then you're sorry you'll have to sack it off and do another time.

Original poster

chandlerbing · 09/04/2014 12:35

I am really annoyed with myself for staying and for doing as the other woman wanted. Next time I shall definitely ask my friend not to bring her along

OP posts:

consideringadoption84 · 09/04/2014 13:08

YANBU. I would have been really disappointed about not getting to catch up with a friend. I love shopping for myself but only by myself. If I go shopping with friends I rarely intend on buying anything and it's more about coffee, chat, wander, lunch, chat, wander, coffee, chat and home than shopping!

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