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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have come home and cried, because im worth more.

23 replies

Needsmorecake · 08/04/2014 17:05

Its small in the grand scheme of things, it really is, and quite pathetic of me really.

Im single and have been for coming up to 6 years. I date on and off, having a break when it all gets a bit much.

I was talking to 3 men over the last week, all three turned out to be rubbish. One was so full on he wasnt a red flag, he was red flag bunting. One who just wanted rude pictures and vanished when i told him no... and another who i was meant to date yesterday, but who never gave me any firm where or when... who i cancelled on and who only set something up when i heavily questioned the finer details. Today hes got all overly sexual and its clear he thinks hes going to get laid. So, ive cancelled.

I have my standards, no man is better than a shit one.... but lord, who knew it would be too much to ask to just meet someone nice.

OP posts:
SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 08/04/2014 17:08

Yanbu.

Here, have some Brew and Cake

passmethewineplease · 08/04/2014 17:10

YANBU. At least you know you're worth more, I have known people who self worth is based on the relationship they're in, good or bad. Sad

formerbabe · 08/04/2014 17:11

There's a lot of frogs wankers out there before you meet the right one!!

JohnFarleysRuskin · 08/04/2014 17:14

Poor you.

On the plus side, you are adept at spotting red flags!

FracturedViewOfLife · 08/04/2014 17:15

Cry away. Crying and taking some time for yourself is far, far better than settling.

Have some wine tea and look after yourself.

Delphiniumsblue · 08/04/2014 17:17

On the plus side you spot them early. I would go for an activity that you really enjoy, you are more likely to meet like minded men.

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 08/04/2014 17:20

:) that makes me feel a bit better.

Its just crap, but i know im worth more and it would just be a total waste of my time.

I do lots of things i enjoy, i just never meet anyone, but then, ive had fun anyway, so it doesnt matter too much. I dont go out just to meet men if that makes sense... ( in fact, thats never my motivation for going out)

OP posts:
PansOnFire · 08/04/2014 17:25

YADNBU, and you've done the right thing - you are far better than any of those creeps have given you credit for. Take some time for yourself, stop looking and you will find someone who you click with. I know that's a cliche but it works, it happened for me. And who is to say that the perfect person isn't already in your life? Honestly, please don't ever lose the strength you've shown but refusing to settle, you are worth much, much more. Have a cry and take some time out.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/04/2014 17:26

Oh nned no YANBU. There are a lot of shit men out there. A lot. But you are one step ahead of them because you know you are worth more and are not prepared to settle. That means that when Mr Wonderful hoves into view, you'll be ready willing and able to enjoy him.

Here you go Wine Brew Cake take your pick

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 08/04/2014 17:31

Pans, thanks, not to be pedantic, but ive had a lot of times when ive not been looking too... nothing has happened... and i dont know any single males either... so its unlikely it would be someone i know.

but still. go me.... for having standards. and more time alone.....

OP posts:
t3rr3gl35 · 08/04/2014 17:34

YANBU. And you are definitely worth more. It might help to look on the funny side - these guys must be pretty deluded in terms of how attractive they think they are.

FWIW, I tried online dating for a few months and the one date I had was enough to dine out on for weeks. As PansOnFire says, maybe the perfect person is already in your life and you just haven't noticed him yet? (That's what happened to me)

Callani · 08/04/2014 17:37

Yadnbu and I feel like cheering you on a little bit because it's so nice to hear someone refuse to compromise or put up with shit men just to escape being single.

Go needsmore - you are an example of how to be single with style (even if it might not feel like it right now) Grin

Callani · 08/04/2014 17:40

To clarify - I don't think being single is something that needs escaping from, just that you hear so many women say "Oh he's not perfect ie he's Mr Red Flag but it's better than being alone"

aStitchInTime · 08/04/2014 17:43

YANBU. There really are some lovely guys out there, you are right to believe that you deserve to be with someone who will treat you with love and respect.

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 08/04/2014 17:46

no, i know what you meant :)

OP posts:
SlimJiminy · 08/04/2014 17:49

Absolutely nothing wrong with that. You've got the right idea - you're capable of being happy when you're single (many are not) - it's much better to end things early if it doesn't feel right. I know far too many people who start/stay in crap/mediocre relationships because they can't cope with being single. Much more unhealthy if you ask me.

In fact, my friend's bastard ex used to say he couldn't understand why I hadn't been 'snapped up' as though I was sitting sobbing my single self to sleep every night. Whenever he said this, I'd tell him it was because I hadn't met anyone who deserved me yet. I'm sure he thought I was joking. As it happens, I was much, MUCH happier being single than my friend was being with him.

You just have to believe that it will happen for you when the time is right. And - as someone who had to kiss many, many frogs over the years and wait a while for the right time - I can promise you that it will be well worth the wait. Just think - for every creep you stop contacting - you're a step closer to meeting the one who thinks he's the luckiest man alive because you're interested!

Timeforabiscuit · 08/04/2014 17:53

cry away - but you know you're awesome and there is no earthly reason why you should be shacking up with bunting guy!

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 08/04/2014 18:14

There is NO reason. None at all.
I dont even mind being single, its just rather rubbish when i do try to change that, that its just loser, after loser, after loser.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 08/04/2014 18:21

Where are you meeting these fine specimens?

Could it be time to look in new places?

TheLadyRadishes · 08/04/2014 18:21

OP you made me laugh with "red flag bunting" - brilliant. Others are right - you can spot the bunting and that means you are well on your way to finding the nice men.

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 08/04/2014 18:34

two were online, one was friend of a friend.

OP posts:
TheVictorian · 08/04/2014 19:48

Although im looking to begin a relationship my plan is if i meet a woman im interested in ill develop a good friendship with her first and then see if she wants to progress to a relationship. a few friends have suggested using online dating sites (my ex did this and met her current dh who shes now married to), however in my view you never know what they are really like (they could be nice on the surface but when you get to know them they could be a completely different person)

WitchWay · 08/04/2014 21:31

Agree with Radishes "Red Flag Bunting" is a great term Grin

Have you a hobby that would let you meet people without "dating pressure"?

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