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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think this is out of order

20 replies

NivinsMcTwisp · 08/04/2014 13:51

My boyfriends ex sends him a text saying she misses him and she loves him.

He responds saying he loves her.

He says he always will love her because they were together a long tome and have 3 sons.

I do not like this - but I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:

PansOnFire · 08/04/2014 13:58

Nope, that's out of order because it's giving her false hope that they will get back together (unless the rest of the text explains that there would never be a chance of this). I think you need to have a chat with him about boundaries and how he expresses himself to her, he is being quite disrespectful to you and he risks rocking the boat for his DSs too.

Objection · 08/04/2014 13:59

YADNBU. Why are you with him if he's in love with another woman?

Original poster

NivinsMcTwisp · 08/04/2014 14:03

He says he loves her but not in love with her.

I believe him (genuinely I know he adores me) but I think she will take it the other way.

I went crazy like a crazy lady!

OP posts:

MrsBungle · 08/04/2014 14:04

Erm, no yadnbu.

HecatePropylaea · 08/04/2014 14:11

I assume he would be ok with you telling your ex that you still love him and will always love him? hmmmm?

I think I understand what he means - that the woman he had the children with will remain a special person to him because of those children and because of the life they had together. Is that what he means? I understand that being the case. That's a lot of history and a big connection and it is understandable if there are feelings remaining. But that isn't the same as 'loving' her in the way that his reply seems to suggest!

To respond to that text like that is totally inappropriate. She was basically saying that she wants him back and he replied in a way that is likely to make her think that he would want to go back to her.

I mean, if his full text was actually along the lines of you will always be an important person to me because of the children we share and I love you for them etc etc, then that's less stupid than yeah I love you too.

I mean, who thinks texting their ex that they love them too is a good idea if they don't want their ex to think that - erm - they love them too!

Original poster

NivinsMcTwisp · 08/04/2014 14:13

I am seriously fucking livid - he knows he has been a dick - I have told him he needs to talk to her ASAP.

He also said she didnt mean it like that either - but she did.

OP posts:

WooWooOwl · 08/04/2014 14:15

YANBU to not like it, but it sounds like neither of them are ready to have moved on tbh.

He may well always have some kind of love for her as the mother of his children, but he didn't express that appropriately in his text.

RedFocus · 09/04/2014 14:11

If my dh said he loved his ex dw I would say "don't let the door hit you on the way out and can I have the house keys back"

whattoWHO · 09/04/2014 14:15

YADNBU. How long ago did they split? How long have you been together?

ViviPru · 09/04/2014 14:17

Did he show you?

Aeroflotgirl · 09/04/2014 14:28

Your bf is totalky unreasonable, he is with you now and should have cut that message dead by either nit responding it giving a reply like I have moved on Im with Nivins now, but thanks for the appreciation or something like that.

hellsbellsmelons · 09/04/2014 14:29

I suppose it's like any ex from a long term relationship where kids are involved.
I will always 'care' about my ex to a certain degree but no way do I still love him (except for right now when I want to chop is gonads off!)

YouTheCat · 09/04/2014 14:32

I'd be ditching the bf.

The only connection I have with my ex is the kids. I hardly even respect him, let alone love him.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 09/04/2014 14:35

I have two children with my ex. I most certainly do not love him anymore, and I would not think it appropriate to say anything along those lines in a text or other form of communication.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/04/2014 14:49

Exactly the reply was very inappropriate, I know he is tge father to her kids, but his reply should have been polite and appropriate

Original poster

NivinsMcTwisp · 09/04/2014 14:55

He spoke to her and told her straight. He is soft hearted - I think he does love her as you would an ex where the relationship had grown apart (that was the reason for the split they were just living as friends would).

OP posts:

deakymom · 10/04/2014 22:46

ive got a child with someone who is not my husband i do not love him i will never love him i don't care that we share a child biologically i dont give a stuff about him

he crossed a line sorry

Berryglitter · 11/04/2014 00:09

Stop making excuses. If that was my dp he would be out the front door with his stuff flying after him. I'd expect him to do the same in reverse.

I'd never send my ex (the father of my son) a message saying I love him, even if it was just too make him feel better.... Why? Because I don't and I have respect for my dp.

Sorry to be harsh but I really think you need to take a long hard look at this, boost yourself esteem, wake up and walk away to someone who deserves you.

Famzilla · 11/04/2014 00:13

Wtf. This woman clearly has no respect for you & neither does your partner. I can't believe you're even trying to minimalise it.

Objection · 11/04/2014 08:47

He clearly doesn't adore you though, does he, OP? Otherwise he wouldn't be texting other women telling them he loved them.

I suspect that deep down you don't trust his feelings towards her as why else would you be monitoring their text messages?

Sorry to be harsh, OP, but stop making excuses and face the reality.

Flip