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AIBU?

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Original poster

PIL - Am I Missing Something?

50 replies

FairyFootsteps · 08/04/2014 12:55

Name change as personal matter.

My car broke down today. The battery is flat. It also broke down on Saturday and I got the AA to jump start it, but was told there would be a call out fee of around £150 for the same fault again. DH is currently working abroad but his parents live 5 miles away, so on Saturday he called his father to see if he would come and jump start it any time over the weekend. He refused, saying he had lost his jump leads and was too busy.

DH is back at the weekend and is confident he can jump start it enough at least to drive it to a garage, although will have a look at it himself first to see if its something he can fix. I can do without a car til then.

But there is a family meal out at a restaurant tonight with BIL and SIL and their other halves and their children all there, so I phoned PIL to let them know in advance I wouldn't be able to make it. Got FIL and when I told him the reason why he said "You need to pay to take that car to a garage". I explained I was waiting til DH got home at the weekend to sort it out". He then said "You're a right charmer, aren't you?" WTF?

Needless to say, no offer to give me a lift to the restaurant tonight, certainly no offer of help re car (not that I asked for either). I refuse to be drawn into rudeness, so I simply said that garages can cost a fortune and its better to wait to see if they're really necessary before paying to have a car towed there and then said goodbye and hung up.

Its not that I expect them to help me or anything, but whats with the attitude?

OP posts:
Echocave · 08/04/2014 13:57

Sorry I really should read the thread properly. I think you've answered it yourself. For whatever reason they don't seem to like you and think you should sort your own car out.

Original poster
FairyFootsteps · 08/04/2014 13:57

MaxPepsi Why don't you have your husbands car if he's abroad?

Its at the airport.

OP posts:
Lilaclily · 08/04/2014 13:58

Sometimes you have to ask for what you want instead of insinuate

So if you wanted a lift ASK for one

If you wanted help to fix your car ASK

Don't not ask & then moan about it not being offered afterwards

capsium · 08/04/2014 13:59

I think you should go on about how much your DH 'spoils' you when you next meet up. Wink

LIZS · 08/04/2014 14:03

since I have a broken down car, I was kind of thinking it would be more of a priority to get home and try to see what I can do about getting it fixed, than going to the meal. You seem to have decided to do neither Confused Surely one doesn't have to be dependent on the other? It comes across as a convenient excuse not to go .

Original poster
FairyFootsteps · 08/04/2014 14:03

I like your thinking capsium

LilacLily since DH already asked them to help out at the weekend when it previously broke down and was refused, I wasn't going to ask again!

I do think, even if they didn't feel able to fix my car, which is reasonable, not everyone wants to jump start a car, they could have offered me a lift to the meal tonight. I'm not getting a taxi there - I don't want to go that much!

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 08/04/2014 14:04

Lilac, she didn't want either a lift or help to fix her car.

OP, I think your FIL sounds horrible. I wouldn't be in a hurry to see him again if it were me, tbh.

CoolaSchmoola · 08/04/2014 14:06

Unless you know why the battery is flat charging it will have the same result.

If you were jump started by the AA and it's flat again in days the battery isn't charging properly. You either need a new battery or a new alternator, or potentially both if your battery has been repeatedly drained.

This is why the AA told you to take it to a garage.

As your FIL knows engines he will have a good idea that this is the problem, and that you chose to ignore it, got stranded because of that choice and instead of remedying the issue yourself you've literally walked away from the problem and left it for someone else to sort. It doesn't sound great when you look at it from that perspective...

Unless your DH can check and change an alternator if necessary you do need a garage, as you were told - and your FIL is probably a bit 'FFS she was told what to do, didn't bother to do it and now expects X to sort it our for her'. because he knows it needs the garage and blames you for merrily ignoring the advice.

threepiecesuite · 08/04/2014 14:08

I wasn't meaning that your salaries deem you to be able to buy anything. Just that my parents can be a bit sneery too about my DBro and his wife who earn over £100k, lots of 'well you think they'd be able to afford x and y etc' but sometimes they just prefer to be cautious with money as much as the rest of us.

CoolaSchmoola · 08/04/2014 14:10

And jump starting your car won't fix it, if the battery isn't charging via the alternator it will go flat again.

A jump start, as you've discovered and your FIL knows, is a temporary fix to get you home.

capticorn1 · 08/04/2014 14:15

How old is the car? Is the battery as old as the car?

Original poster
FairyFootsteps · 08/04/2014 14:21

The car is 8 years old and has previously been ultra reliable (is quite a good make) and the battery is pretty new. The AA didn't tell me to take it to the garage on Saturday, just that it would cost me to get them out again for the same fault. FIL couldn't have known it was a recurring fault when asked to help at the weekend as it hadn't happened before.

You know what? I've had a rotten day. I've had to walk home after my car broke down. I've tried to be polite and let them know I'm not coming to the meal tonight and had FIL sneer at me. I can't afford to take my own car to the garage as nearly all my salary last month went on buying DH a car for cash. I suspect it is an electrical fault with the car, not the battery, but at least getting it jump started would mean I don't have to pay to have it towed to the garage.

DH shares his father's interest in "fixing up cars". I would much rather have bought at least one newer, more reliable car on finance but he wouldn't hear of it. I'm beginning to feel that his whole family treat me like a cash cow - I hardly ever ask them for help, but BIL and SIL do all the time, and get it. And that because we haven't gone down the route of buying new cars on finance, like them, or having jobs which provide us with company cars, they see such problems as us (primarily me) getting something we deserve.

OP posts:
capsium · 08/04/2014 14:27

Ah Fairy you'll sort it. Ignore PiL, people can be odd sometimes. And you've got out of that dreary meal. What could be better!

ddubsgirl · 08/04/2014 14:27

sounds like it maybe the alternator op xxx

WingDefence · 08/04/2014 14:31

Fairy I'm sorry you're having such a shitty day :( Have some Cake and perhaps a nice Wine sod the fact it's only half two

Have you told DH what FIL said to you?

SirRaymondClench · 08/04/2014 14:31

Fairy what is your DH saying about his F?

Your FIL sounds like a twat. I do hope he doesn't break down any time soon.

I'm sorry you've had a rotten day, fuck your FIL and his meal!

Original poster
FairyFootsteps · 08/04/2014 14:36

Thanks. DH texted back "I told you not to say you would go the meal anyway. Put yourself first. Leave the car where it is until I get back on Saturday, no garage will be able to fix it before then anyway".

PIL inherited lots of money and buy new cars every couple of years or so, so it really does never happen to them!

OP posts:
aderynlas · 08/04/2014 14:49

Sorry youve had a rubbish day. Treat yourself to a nice lazy evening. Feet up, tv on or a good book. Hope you sort the car out, could have used the 'did you mean to be so rude' to fil.

nochips · 08/04/2014 14:53

Sounds like your DH does not think much of FIL either really with that response.

HarpyFishwifeTwat · 08/04/2014 15:03

Your FIL is clearly a dick and some people on here will gladly find any excuse to batter a perfectly reasonable OP.

Have Cake and Wine and be grateful you've escaped an evening with the horrible little man.

nochips · 08/04/2014 15:12

Yes, he sounds like a nasty spiteful person.

Deffo to a glass of wine and a relax tonight!

helenthemadex · 08/04/2014 15:12

Fairy sorry you have had a rotten day, but at least it is not ending with you having to spend the evening in the company of your knobhead FIL Grin

capticorn1 · 08/04/2014 15:15

Car batteries may only be guaranteed for 1 year, RAC are advertising batteries with up to 5yrs guarantee plus free delivery, it's not difficult to change a battery (have done it myself several times just to prove to others that I didn't have to rely on them for help).
If the battery is still under guarantee and is faulty then you should get it changed free of charge, do you still have the receipt?

RunnerHasbeen · 08/04/2014 15:24

Maybe he thinks you are blaming him, and his reluctance to help at the weekend, for your not coming to the meal. I don't think he is being reasonable, or are am I defending him, but it might explain it. What he has heard is:" you didn't help, so I'm not coming."

Original poster
FairyFootsteps · 08/04/2014 15:33

I think so too Runner. Or maybe they think I'm changing my mind over the meal at the last minute because I don't really want to go. But since he refused to help at the weekend, I'm not really getting drawn down that line. I'm not playing games. My car really has broken down. I'm not going to extensive lengths to get there, especially when they aren't that nice to me once I'm actually there anyway.

Its a country restaurant, so no bus. I could cycle there, its about 8 miles away. I could get a taxi there, maybe about £15. But feck it, I've sent MIL an email explaining as well and if they want me there they can offer a lift or phone. And I have to get back for 8pm for a conference call so I wouldn't do anything that wouldn't guarantee that.

FIL doesn't really live in the real world and hasn't done for most of his life.

OP posts:
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