I Have Smeared Dog Shit on Neighbours Kids Face

[Fontofnowt]

I need to move, quickly.

I have previous with the kid so it will undoubtedly look like retaliation.

I was in the garden picking up dog poo (rained heavy yesterday so I wore disposable gloves) not sure if relevant but I'm slovenly so it was 2xdogs x4ishdays ã 30x turds.

Little girl from down the street comes to fucking chat.
Now I avoid this little darling because she is a carbon copy of her Mum and a cheeky one too.

Hardly her fault I know.
Still I try not to engage in gossip and tattle with 10 year olds.

Leaning over the wall she asks me if I knew why Mark had left his wife (my neighbour Mark) so pissed off that she even knows about Mark, plus I had no idea he had left, I decided to be charitable and have a more suitable chat.
Despite my better instincts I called her over to the fence to look at ladybirds intending to distract her from marriage problems and guide her towards the lovely subject of all the different types of ladybirds.

Of course she stuck her face right in, got a tiny ladybird on her face and starting bloody screeching.

I panicked.

After she told me I had lesbian hair last week I didn't want her Mum thinking I was hurting her.

How was I to know she is afraid of insects?

Blood curdling screams ringing down the street I brushed the offending ladybird away and tried to sooth her.

With soggy shit covered gloves.

Dog muck on her face like urban camo.

I don't come out of this well do I?

thank you.

Oh come on, this thread was utter tripe at the start.

The interjection from a few very funny posts lightened a dull thread.

I think I meant posters not posts.

An excellent summary.

I'm confused again.
Who's excluding who? (Might be whom, soz pedants but I have no clue)

Is there a 'mob'? Really? I just though it was some people pissing about.
I certainly don't see any 'bitching'.

If you don't get the humour in a thread then don't join in, it's not compulsory. There's a million other threads knocking about, perhaps one of those will make you laugh. Humour is a very personal thing, we can't all laugh at the same stuff.

I hate Mrs Brown's Boys, I think it's utter shite. It's very popular though and some of my friends like it. I don't watch it every week just so I can tell them how crap it is. I watch other stuff.

The "I don't geddit, so therefore people must be being mean to me" club is open for business, folks. Roll up, roll up.

Just skimmed through this thread ( the thread title drew me in as it's so shocking )

My summery would be;

Crazy thread but enjoyable/funny to some, old established poster turns up and takes offence ( not sure why ? ) & then spends the rest of the day swinging from being offended to peeing herself laughing - bizarre behaviour, which leads onto that eternal unanswered question. If you don't like a particular thread why don't you just ignore it?
There is a 'hide thread button' - despite the awful thread title, I ended up feeling sorry for the op.

Are you bullying people with your jokes again, AF? You aggressive humorist, you.

I tend to post where I like, including on threads that annoy me.if I only posted with things I found funny or where I thought the OP was wonderful I would look for peoplewhoagreewithme.com

The thing I personally find odd is this - when I see a poster who is being rude or nasty or aggresive I tend to do this
" rudeposter why are you being so rude? That is disproportionate/unwarranted/nasty/offensive. You are being something of a twat"
I might report if I think the poster being shouted at is upset but I tend not to.
What I don't do is lump any random names I recognise together and start waving my arms around about bullying.
Not least because some of the nastiest stuff I see posted is from name changers.

But what about me eh? i actuaally posted a link that only about three people looked at?? ignoring is a form of bullying you know or maybe the link wasn't funny, there is that I feel like someone who got the punchline after the conversation moved on.

This thread, for me, started as something that i would have typed LOL to with a totally straight face, progressed into a slight smirk (a rare event) appearing at the side of my mouth (obviously this means that this is the most hysterical thread i have ever read) to at the accusations of bullying. Didnt the op just go to bed?

sorry LEM, I've been warned about links, thought it was going to be gynaecological topiary

Yep, what Pag said.

No harm whatsoever in posting your opinion, especially if you find a thread upsetting/hurtful/cruel etc. I've done it myself, more than once. I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with me but if I genuinely think someone is being a knob I'll tell them. Regardless of whether I 'know' them or not.

There's ways and means of doing that though. Saying 'X, I think your post was nasty/hurtful/twattish, this is why.....' is fine. Saying 'X, you are a complete tosser and so is everyone who agrees with you' is just pointless.

But, I genuinely don't see what there is to take offence at in this case.
Surely no one read the OP and thought anything other than 'yeah, that didn't happen'. Fine if it's your kind of humour but surely no one expected this to be a serious, supportive thread for the hoards of people who accidentally smear shit on children's faces?

It seems to me that there are a number of dog shit stirrers on this thread who have just been waiting for an opportunity to roll out the bully/mean girls/ganging up/excluding/private joke bullshit yet again.

loads of posters eye rolled at the not particularly funny dogshit op, only the non-namechangers have been accused, ironically by namechangers, who knew.

when shall we pencil the next one in for?

MORNING

We suspended the OP's ability to post yesterday afternoon because this thread, together with another thread we can see she started a while back, taken together have made us a bit . We should stress 'a bit' because we're really not sure whether she's on a wind-up or not.

But because there was general fun being had on the thread we decided to leave it stand until we had a bit more clarity about the OP great decision Rowan well done

FWIW we don't think there was any bullying on this thread, although we can see that some people may have found it off-putting. And we rather agree with Randall's summary: 'No harm whatsoever in posting your opinion, especially if you find a thread upsetting/hurtful/cruel etc. I've done it myself, more than once. I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with me but if I genuinely think someone is being a knob I'll tell them. Regardless of whether I 'know' them or not. There's ways and means of doing that though. Saying 'X, I think your post was nasty/hurtful/twattish, this is why.....' is fine. Saying 'X, you are a complete tosser and so is everyone who agrees with you' is just pointless.'

We'll be in touch off-board with a couple of posters who have been launching personal attacks (but we should say we don't think there's sock-puppeting or namechanging to mislead going on).

I got quoted by HQ
I would like to thank my family, my friends, my teachers .......

(I should also add that there have been times that, after voice my opinion, I have had to concede that I am indeed being a bit humourless. I don't do that in public though of course, I do it alone, and through gritted teeth. I then pretend it didn't happen)

Fucking hell, I went to bed at the right time, didn't I? What does random, bizarre humour have to do with being a covern? No-one normally bothers with me, so it does prove that you get out what you put in, whoever you are.

We don't think so Coconutty

Get you, Randall! Quoted by MNHQ!

You should change your hovererererer to 'Randall, Voice of Reason'. That will let everyone know you are Not To Be Trifled With...

Don't you just love it when the PO get found to be in the wrong.

All so lovely and karmic.

And it was a shit OP in the first place. No pun intended. If it had been remotely funny then proper funny people wouldn't have stepped in to lead it in the right direction.

oi

How did the important part of Randalls post get left off when quoted by RowanMumsnet

You know , the what Pag said bit .

Harrumph

Despite lurking on this thread from the beginning and having a good nights rest--I have absolutely no idea what anyone is on about.

Seriously.

I did however find lems link thoroughly enlightening and informitive.

Up, we were just talking nonsesne, the idea of mark the bark who couldn't park just tickled me.