To hate that ex has bought 8yo DD a mobile phone?

[Indigoviolet3]

He is very controlling, argues about access all the time despite court order in place, will deliberately turn up to school events that aren't on his time and make her choose between us who she wants to go home with (as I said court order supposed to stop this!) I usually give in and let her go with him so as not to upset her with a tug of war!

Now he has bought her a phone which he has texted me to say that it should be on and charged at all times and she sat there for half an hour texting him this morning, inane little things, but it is really annoying me that he is infiltrating our home life in this way.

I have offered that he phones her at a certain time each week, say 6pm on a Tuesday, but he has never done this and is always texting me on other random days, often at 8.30pm on a school night (bedtime is 7.30 and he knows this) asking to speak to her and calling me unreasonable wheni refuse to wake her up!

I'm so pissed off that he was found a way to wriggle into our home, and I'll be the bad guy if I say no to her!
AIBU to limit the use of it though?

think of the positive aspect in that when she is with her father she has a phone to ring you on.

if he is turning up and giving her the choice who should stay that is bad really why the hell put a child in that position nasty nasty nasty if my ex did that i would stay i would never bow out gracefully why should i he can go if he arranges to go not turn up and say to my child choose who you love the most what a git

turn the phone off then back on when your not busy the phone should NOT got to school with her and she leaves it while she goes to socialise with her friends (incase it gets "lost" at her friends)

if there is a court order enforce it dont let your daughter be a pawn in this

I think YANBU as 8 is too young for a mobile and he can always ring before bedtime if he wants to chat.

But I'm not sure you can stop him giving her a phone.

However, I'd have some rules on phone use.
Turned off at bedtime, mealtimes and during homework. Or similar.

Indigo, YANBU, your Ex is very manipulative and a complete arse.

Its deliberately "in your face" for a purpose. The mobile phone, not giving you space and respect when your DD is in your care. Its all about control, whereas you have been even-handed with him.

He should be respecting your personal boundaries, especially as you have given him appropriate times he can call DD for a chat, so that it doesnt disrupt her daily routine, which he pays scant regard to.

Definitely chuck the phone down the toilet and give it a flush!

I think the novelty of it will wear off for DD. And at least she can contact you when she is with her dad.

By the way....Is she a compassionate sort? My DC always want to text Donate to 8xxx when those charity adverts come on. Could cost a fortune ;)

If he wants her to have a phone when she is in his care that is his choice, you get to say what the rules are in your house,if your rules do not include a mobile phone then hand it back to him at drop off