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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder why they bothered inviting me ?

30 replies

drnoitall · 08/04/2014 11:12

I honestly feel like crying, mums from school that I'm quite friendly with asked me if I was free to meet at soft play with dc.
Lovely.
Only the under 4 area is at the opposite end of the large play centre to the main play area.

They sit at main play area leaving me on my own with a busy 13 month old whilst they chat together.
They know I'm here, I've been over said hello and said I'm over at the baby area. There are tables and chairs. I feel like shit now because they obviously don't see it matters.
Honestly , AIBU ?

OP posts:
Original poster
drnoitall · 08/04/2014 11:13

Sorry forget to say other dc are all in same class age 7

OP posts:
Original poster
drnoitall · 08/04/2014 11:15

I'm upset I hate having to force a smile but don't want to appear like a pratt either.

OP posts:
washngo · 08/04/2014 11:18

I know how that feels when you have a little one and nine of the other mums do. I think they forget what hard work it is running around after a busy little toddler, and have got used to independent older ones. I'm sure it's nothing personal though, they just haven't thought. Hope you're ok and try to just relax and have a cup of tea and a cake or something, hopefully your older one is having fun?

Canus · 08/04/2014 11:18

Well, I suppose it was really an invitation for your older child to join their friends.

I'd either bring the younger one over to sit/eat with the grown ups, or chuck the younger one in with the older ones, they won't come to any harm.

WooWooOwl · 08/04/2014 11:19

They're probably sitting at the other area so that they can keep an eye on their children more easily.

LayMeDown · 08/04/2014 11:19

Bring your baby over to them and sit him in a high chair for a while. Give him a snack and have a chat for 15 mins?

Suggest they move to where you are? Just ask to they mind as you cant leave him alone there?

fluffyanimal · 08/04/2014 11:20

Why would you appear like a prat? I get that this is annoying, but I'm sure it's just thoughtlessness, nothing malicious. Are you going to be getting some food there? Why not get a high chair and come over with your high chair and give your 13 month old a snack for a while so that you can join in? Just say brightly, "Wasn't meaning to be anti-social but I had to keep an eye on DC2" and then carry on. Then next time they plan a trip there, say, "Great, love to, I'll try to get there a bit early to grab some space near the little end so we can all sit together."

Calloh · 08/04/2014 11:26

I'm sure it isn't intentional.

They probably think you will sit with them when you want to. I think wash is right that they've forgotten what it was like. Try doing what fluffy suggests.

Lilaclily · 08/04/2014 11:29

Why should they all sit near the baby area when all their kids are in the older bit?
Just go & join them !

CoffeeTea103 · 08/04/2014 11:40

Well knowing the set up of the place and the ages of the kids why did you think you would all be together?

lynniep · 08/04/2014 11:42

YABU - they invited you because you have the same age DC. It will not have occured to them to worry about your toddler - why would it?
Its awful to be left out, but you weren't - you were invited - maybe they want to sit near their own children? Or maybe you need to ask if it would be possible for them to sit nearer the toddler section? Fluffys suggestion is good, but you really can't expect them to pander to you.

pinkyredrose · 08/04/2014 11:42

Why did you take your younger one?

giannna · 08/04/2014 13:39

Why are you letting a 13 month old dictate what you do? Put him in a highchair with snacks and/or a few toys and go and sit with the others

Lilaclily · 08/04/2014 13:41

Pinkyredrose - because there was no one else to have the baby??? Weird question !

Lilaclily · 08/04/2014 13:42

Bit too young to stay home alone Grin

candycoatedwaterdrops · 08/04/2014 13:56

Grab the little one, plonk him in a chair like a PP said and join in. He's little enough not to know he's missing out on softplay.

MorningTimes · 08/04/2014 14:00

Put the little one in a high chair, give him some cake to keep him quiet & then you can sit down & have a cup of tea & a catch up with the other mums.

I know what it is like to be in that situation. It isn't personal though, it's just thoughtlessness. Flowers

JonSnowsPout · 08/04/2014 14:01

Tip him into a high chair and sit with them.

curlytoes · 08/04/2014 14:10

Sorry but I'm with the majority. I had a nice get together with Mums at the park today. We all have a child In Reception Class. Some of us had also brought siblings including babies, toddlers and older kids. We all dipped in and out of the main group as suited us. It wouldn't really have occurred to me to go around checking up on everyone. I'd just have assumed they'd come back to chat when they were ready.

SocialNeedier · 08/04/2014 14:10

I bet they're probably looking at you sat there on your own thinking 'why did she bother coming if she's not going to talk to us?'

There are more of them than you and they were there first, yes? So why should they all decamp to sit with you in the younger bit when all their kids are in the older bit. You should go over to them.

This is such a weird non problem. You're interpreting them as being unfriendly when in fact it's you who's acting stand-offish.

Tinkerball · 08/04/2014 14:13

They are sitting there because that's closest to their own children, why wouldn't they?

wimblehorse · 08/04/2014 14:30

YABU I'm afraid.

I had a similar experience a couple of weeks back, though I was the one who had instigated the meet up. Soft play when you have a toddler is not relaxing/easy to sit & chat & have a coffee. Unless the toddler is asleep or eating.

Agree with the other posters - they invited you so it's very unlikely that there is anything personal going on here, other than they have older dc who don't need supervising as closely. Try settling your toddler with a snack/drink/book near you while you have a quick chat with them. When he gets fed up, explain that you're taking him back to the baby bit & ask if anyone wants to join you there for a while...

WipsGlitter · 08/04/2014 14:51

Agree with everyone else I'm afraid! Get a high-chair and go over for a bit.

MuddlingMackem · 08/04/2014 15:28

Guess I'm in a minority as I think that YANreallyBU.

I hang out with two other friends a lot. They each have two kids the same ages as my two. Friend 1 has recently had DC3, seven year age gap. We have been joking about how once the baby is mobile having to revert to sitting in the baby and toddler areas when we all go out together. The older kids are all old enough to come and find us if they need us, but friend's DC3 will need his mum near by. It's really a no brainer, we'll just have to adapt as we want to be able to spend time with Friend 1 and don't want her to have to miss out.

washngo · 08/04/2014 15:59

Nine = none!