Aibu to think that this isn't the norm? Perhaps it is? Ds and food.

[Pyjamaramadrama]

I've a 5 year old growing lad, big for his age (very tall and gangly).

He never, and I mean never stops going on about food.

I'm sure it's not just me because other people have noticed and commented that he's got a 'sweet tooth', a 'good appetite'. People have even joked blimey don't you feed him.

He associates everywhere we go with food. Cinema, shopping centre, he knows where the man is who gives pretzel samples, supermarket he always wants the free samples not to mention drooling over and grabbing everything we see, visiting people.

I think I feed him well, mostly healthy, plenty of food, junk too and never demonise junk food, here we gave a takeaway most weekends.

Example, today he's had shredded wheat for breakfast, he has toast and fruit for morning snack at school, lunch was 2 small wholemeal ham rolls, a piece of cheese, yoghurt, cucumber and carrot and a pear. He came home and took another yoghurt, a milkshake, and a scotch egg (he doesn't usually have so much junk after school), then he had leftover lasagne and a bowl of salad for tea followed by a plum. Yet he then had a tantrum over some leftover galaxy bar, and has just been in the bin, yes the bin and took out an empty popcorn bag.

The first thing he says when he opens his eyes, comes out of school, before he goes to bed is can he have a snack, he talks me in circles about how he's only had 1 snack, or half of this, so he can have a piece of that.

We can come out of a restaurant and he will immediately ask what's for tea. I say that was tea, but he wants tea at home too. I've caught him sneaking chocolate into his lunchbox even though he knows Fridays he can have a chocolate at school.

I promise he gets enough food, more than enough, and he's not fat in the slightest, but I think that's more because I don't allow him to go overboard. But it feels like a constant battle.

I'm at the end of my tether with this.

If people say it's normal though I will shut up and go away.

Sounds like home to me. Mine eat more probably, unless very tired when they don't eat.
Maybe get him to drink more milk?
Raiding the bin however is absolutely not on.

My DS is just 5 and is similarly obsessed with food, although perhaps not quite to the same extent. He is slim (you can see ribs, sternum, etc), fairly tall and very active . Like pps, he has digestive issues including dairy and soya intolerances and toddler diarrhoea. He actually had failure to thrive at one point as a result. It is under control now but he still eats like a horse. I really would get yourDS checked out...

Thanks for all the different perspectives it's given me lots to think about.

Yesterday's meals weren't great but we do eat other things too and on other days we do have more veg and protein, I will definitely be more mindful of what I'm giving him.

Those saying he's hungry give him more that just wouldn't be on, example Sunday we had roast dinner with chicken, stuffing, broccoli, swede, carrots, baby corn, green beans, parsnips and 2 types of potatoes, he left a bit of potato he was given an ice lolly yet he then started on about chocolate, he was given one, then he wanted 'just 3 more', just 2 more, 1 more, half today, half tomorrow, but please, I'm starving, do you want some strawberry and cream, no I neeeeed chocolate. No bloody way was he hungry and it's like that all the time. Sure some days we eat less than perfect but he's not starved.

I'm think I'm going to make some changes over the next few weeks to what we eat day to day and what's available for snacks and have unlimited foods as someone suggested and see how we go.

I'm hungry a couple of hours after cereal for breakfast - give him something more filling.

Also give him more fikkinh snacks - yoghurt, bit of cheese, hummus etc. And more meat - he needs it to grow!

You musnt compare or think of his diet in adult terms.

My ds is like this - so I don't have chocolate in the house and wouldn't buy him popcorn. Sugar is addictive. I also make sure he has more meat as opposed to piles of pasta (for example) as it is more filling.

I also ask him to have a drink first if he wants a snack.

The risk is that the more of a deal you make the worse this gets.

Is some of it he has got used to being given food when he asks? If DS asked for chocolate after having had a big meal and a ice lolly then he wouldn't have then got chocolate too - no amount on tantrum would have changed that.

My ds was a big eater right the way through primary and also tall and thin (very thin in fact). He just didn't stay still so burned it all off. But he was not as food obsessed as the OP's son, and I would be a little concerned about that. I think I'd go with keeping a bit of a diary for a couple of weeks, not just what he eats but also what activities are going on and how he is behaving and then you can see any trends and if you are still concerned you will be able to have a better conversation with your GP.

It sounds like it could be behavioural - ie a developed habit of always thinking about food and, as you say, a constant discussion about what he has or hasn't eaten and what he is going to eat next.

There used to be lots of discussion on MN abuot snack boxes - I don't notice it so much any more - but it is very good for some children.

You fill a box with healthy snacks and allow him free access to help himself, but it is only filled up when it is all gone. (maybe have a portable one for him to carry when you go out.). Then very importantly - NO DISCUSSION about food. If he's hungry he goes and helps himself. You have to say - go to the snack box and IGNORE any discussion about contents, what should he have, other than tell him it is up to him. I would anticipate that for the first couple of days he will help himself constantly, but try for a week to see if it calms down.

This may break the habit of continuous discussion and thought about food amd you can see if he learns to self regulate.

For me it took a couple of days of reminding them not to talk to me about food - I wasn't interested - and it definitely broke a negative behaviour.

I'd try more protein and fat meals, maybe two cooked meals a day and see what happens. Have you also tried offering more of the main mean once he's finished with desert and says he's still hungry? Some people like their food in a weird order.

He probably just hungrier going to school with the energy used up. Just offer him more, my skinny 5 year old couldn't go to school on just shredded wheat try some protein and carbs egg/cheese/peanut butter on toast. Not much protein in his diet and that will make him constantly hungry. Don't be concerned about his obsession unless it carries on,it's quite normal for kids this age.

Thanks yes food diary good idea, obviously I won't tell him I'm doing this.

In a way I think it is partly a behaviour thing.

It sounds as though I'm blaming my mum here but he went through a phase of my mum sitting him at the laptop bringing him endless rubbish snacks. Piles and piles of junk, ice Lollys, slices of cake, chocolate yoghurts, all under well nannies allowed to spoil him, it became nannies house of food, he associates nannies with food. In the end I nearly fell out with my mum as he was coming home with stomach ache, in the end I made her stop but she will still send him home with things 'for tomorrow', make him ham bloody sandwiches for in the car after swimming.

I was bad mummy who said no and she was and still is kind nanny who says yes.

It's not just my mum though, my sister does it too, my sister almost thinks it's funny, I'm getting annoyed now thinking about it.

Thank you off to work now but will keep reading and taking on board suggestions and advice.

It's probably a bit of everything, nutritional value of the foods and behavioural.

Cut the junk for a week and see how things go. You 're going to do your shopping today right, try shopping differently. Leave all the crisps, choc, biscuit, ....and fill you cart with strawberries and melon as sweets.

I like food box idea suggested. We have a list on the fridge which is a healthy snack list and the dcs can pick anything off the list if they want a snack eg ham sandwich, cucumber, crackers, cheese, banana.

I just wouldn't give chocolate after a big roast dinner and a dessert.
I'd say no, I'd probably laugh tbh. No way.

I agree with other replies about breakfast especially on school days. Cereal doesn't really sustain mine either.

For a fortnight, I'd go sugar/junk free and see what happens. My mum always said, "If you don't want some fruit, you're not hungry." and because there was only ever fruit available between meals, I ate good portions at meal times. It is possible he's leaving some of a not large enough portion, because he's been snacking. Then he doesn't get enough calories/protein/fat and is craving food constantly.

I'm not as strict as my mum - in my house it's fruit/bread/rice cakes between meals, but I don't put spread on the bread other than butter.

Arcipex, absolutely, and I didn't want him to have any chocolate, but that day pil were there and had bought this box of Lindt, I said no, but then I get 'aww, if you ask mummy nicely she won't mind you having just one'. And I find it really hard up against people. And it's like that often. I know it might sound as though I'm passing the blame, but it's really hard with a child like this and then people constantly pushing food onto us.

Please don't think I'm filling my trolley full of junk each week. I might buy a box of Jaffa cakes and a bag of popcorn or a pack of mini cheddars and some kit kats and that's for all of us for the week, but once they're there, I never hear the end of it.

The cereal we have shredded wheat, weetabix, porridge, Cheerios, or toast/bagel. I give him this because at school they give them toast and fruit at 10 o'clock and it's also quick because some mornings we have to leave really early so he'll have cereal at home, then half a slice of toast at breakfast club, then something else at 10 at school iyswim? So he's not going all the way through till lunch with nothing else. Weekends we do have things like scrambled egg with smoked salmon on toast too or a poached egg on a muffin.

I don't think it's normal for a 5 year old to be picking food out of the bin, and being interested in food to the extent where he has no interest in anything else- wanting to leave halfway through the film etc. I think you should take him to the doctor, and stop other people giving him food in the meantime. Tell them he has to be on a restricted diet of something, if it's hard for you to say no

Sounds like the Inlaws are undermining you a bit then, and your DS is taking advantage of that. Which is what children do.

I suppose there are a couple of lines you could take, either 'When it's gone, it's gone.' Or 'The more you ask, the more I go the other way.'
I admit to not having much tolerance for pestering myself. You however, may be much kinder than me.

Has he always been like this? Is he going through a growth spurt? he does sound v tall for 5, he is significantly taller than my 6 1/2 year old who is not short compared to his peers. My boy also eats a lot and seems to have hollow legs at the moment - but think he is growing, he is definitely not overweight, on the underweight side of anything, so I don't limit his access to food. If he had eaten a healthy dinner and was still hungry I'd probably let him have a biscuit, but after that I'd say he may help himself to the fruit bowl if still hungry.

You sound like you have a healthy attitude to food, and his obsession does sound a bit extreme - all I can think is that perhaps he is not getting enough tlo meet his needs at the moment, hence the obsession with it - can you try addin g a tiny bit more to each meal and snack, see if his obsession diminishes? Could be as simple as a banana with breakfast, breadsticks added to his lunch, slightly bigger portion at dinner? The only time I have known people obsess like this is when I worked with people suffering from eating disorders (I'm not suggesting for a minute that is the issue with your ds) but when the body isn't getting what it needs, "starvation syndrome" can result, even in people who are not underweight, resulting in extreme preoccupation with food and odd rituals around it, amongst other things - the physiological part could happen without the presence of an eating Disorder. If increasing the portions slightly doesn't help, would be worth having a chat with the gp.

There's a lot of fruit and veg there. My daughter, who is now 7, is extremely skinny (and has a number of food allergies). She had what I thought of as a healthy diet, but the dietary advice we had was to cut down on the fruit and increase the fat and protein. She probably used to eat a similar amount to your son (much bigger breakfast, though) but we were advised to up the calories significantly including frying rather than grilling sausages or poaching eggs. I'd replace the ice lolly with ice cream, do 'proper' puddings, give oatcakes and cheese/peanut butter on toast/hummous and breadsticks as snacks.

She has been known to ask me what's for lunch before she has breakfast, but she just loves food. Eating it, cooking it, watching cookery programmes on TV, Man v.Food, writing menus.... But she wouldn't get anything out of the bin and she doesn't nag for food. Chocolate/sweets/icecream are a real treat, and she and her sister both know that perstering will have the opposite effect to the one they're after.

Pyjama, I can't possibly say whether he has an obsession or an addiction or anything like that.

However, one part of your post really struck a chord with me; his association of places with food.

DH does this. It's odd; he can remember pretty much every interesting meal he's ever eaten. He'll walk miles out of his way to get the one relish from the one shop which he knows he really loves because he had it that one time at that place, do you remember, Foggy? Do you remember that relish? He can finish eating a meal and will already be planning the next one.

He loves food. I'm not going to lie; he's not a slender man, but he eats well, and it brings him proper joy. Planning a special meal is the work of weeks and the work of love.

What I'd do with your son, definitely monitor it, if only for your own piece of mind. Bin the junk food. He doesn't need it. Encourage him towards fruit or raw veggies for snacks. Not at the total exclusion of treat bits; just be aware of what he's had over a week.

Teach him to cook. I mean properly; show him what flavours match and how different herbs can change the feel of a meal. Show him the art of tasting and adjusting. I know he's young, but at five he can, at the very least, taste and stir. Basically, if you can, channel that passion.

My DS is the other way, hardly eats anything, but associates food with control. Having read your post about the other adults in his life associating food with love... I dunno, I hate cod internet psychologists, but I'm wondering if there's something going on there about control/making you behave in the way nanny behaves/testing boundaries etc through food?

I'd be tempted to take the control issues away - love the idea of the snack box but suspect the key point there is you don't engage with food chat at all. Don't buy any junk food for the house for a while. Do a lot of talking about different people doing different things - you're not your mother and you're not going to start acting that way.

I'd also suggest a gp visit but I'd tag team that so he doesn't hear you explaining what the issues are - go with someone else who can sit in the waiting room with DS while you have a pre-chat with the doctor.

Far too much wheat in your diet.

That's sounds like a normal food day in my house for my 5 year old. But he doesn't ask for food moan ect although iv had to do tea at 4/4.30 some days. On a hideous growth spurt week iv resorted to giving him raw chopped veg sticks. He's told if he is hungry then that's all there is. I tend not to have sweets in my house as my younger dc is a bit obsessed with sweet stuff

My friend's sons are like this. Absolutely obsessed with food/lunch/snacks/supper etc EVERYTHING revolves around food.

I will be honest her whole family make a massive to do of dinner times and lunches - what they're having, who's staying, whether they'll be enough, if she comes round or we go out she'll ask if she should bring food or snacks in a way I just wouldn't think of.

Some members of her family are overweight, most are not. But it's the attitude.