to just want her to stop telling me to stop worrying/to be positive?

[PandasAreDumb]

I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder and depression. My mother always tells me to 'don't worry about it' or 'there's nothing to worry about' or 'distract yourself'. If I COULD stop worrying/analysing things, I'd do it, and I'm going to CBT and have been on and off medication for a while now, it's not like I'm not trying and it hurts. She has also told me things like 'you need to try harder' which really hurts as it's trivialising a lot of the effort to just get up each day, go to work (I had some months off work previously, so this is a big achievement), deal with DC and even just getting help from the GP originally. She's one of those people who also talk about a positive attitude and so on and I'm trying to do that, but it's really hard and sometimes it feels quite hurtful when she's saying all of this without really recognising how hard/impossible sometimes being positive or not worrying can be, because she's essentially telling me how to cure my illness as if it's easy.

However, I know she'd be hurt if I told her this and she's tried to be supportive. I've had it since a teen which meant it was a real struggle for her although I didn't get help until sixthform. Asking her to stop and saying she's hurting my feelings would be cruel in that they pale compared to what she's tried to do for me over the years, although a lot of it has been along a similar vein. I don't want to hurt her as we aren't the closest (mainly due to my problems in my teens) and I know she's trying her best, just like I'm doing too, so asking her not to might be similar to what she's saying to me, iyswim? Also, I don't know what I want her to say, and she's as lost as I am I think, so I can't really say anything constructive.

I suffer with anxiety and depression so I completely understand how hard this is for you! Congratulations on being able to get back to work!!

Wrt your mum, I think you need to sit down and tell her. She means well but she is inadvertently hindering you and she needs to know or it will only get worse.

Good luck xx

ynbu.
sometimes it is hard for anopther.. esp one who hasnt been through it to say the right thing.

could you tell her how you feel but also tell her what would be helpfull. even if its for her to stop giving advice and just give a hug or a "your doing great" instead.
you prob wont be able to stop her thinking like that.. but you could make it so shes not so hurtfull in talking to you about it?

You sound as if you have made astonishing progress. Your mother sounds as if she is parroting well-meaning platitudes because she thinks that's what she should say, regardless of the effect on you. Mine would be the same, as, however, well-meaning, she is completely incapable of grasping situations outside her own experience, and she can't stop chirping about lighting candles and hoping for the best (even in the case of a terminally-ill friend of mine).

Could you try and prepare something to say, or even email or write her a letter, explaining calmly that anxiety is more than just an absence of 'bucking up' and positivity and doing crosswords to take your mind off stuff? It would probably help if you could suggest something she could say or do that you would either find comforting and supportive, or at least less annoying than all that guff about positive thinking..? I assume she feels terribly guilty at some level for not having ensured you got proper help, or at not recognising the seriousness of your condition, when you were a child...

Essentially her heart is in the right place, and she says those things because she is trying to be supportive. If you say to her mum when you say xyz i know you are trying to help, but actually you do the opposite. It would be much more helpful if you said or did abc. I think she doesnt understand your illness, which is why she hits so far wide.

This:

Dang! You can't see the title. It's: If physical illnesses treated like mental illnesses.

That is really good TheListeningAttic

I particularly liked' have you ever tried... you know.... not having the flu?'

I had a relative like this once, I used to get so angry with her because it really doesn't help.

Then I had to call her in an emergency, and before I said anything else, I asked her to NOT to say anything 'positive' as I just wasn't feeling strong enough to cope with that at the time.

Worked a charm!

Long time lurker, first ever post.