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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel slightly hurt by my sister

12 replies

glittertree · 06/04/2014 20:44

Have had a tough couple of weeks ..I have a lot going on in my life right now which I think have triggered panic attacks out of the blue ! A couple of them happened in public totally scared me because like I say they just came out of the blue ..
. Not really been feeling myself so have had a few lengthy chats with my sister as she had depression a long time ago...I thought talking to my sister would help and perhaps she could give me a bit of advice because I was feeling so terrified
.and I always remember being a listening ear all those years go when she was going through a tough time
.anyway this week I finally went to the doctor to sort myself out so phoned to tell her what was said ...I told her I was getting beta blockers to help and she said well lucky you I didn't get offered those I only got citalopram !
That kind of hurt me straight away because its not a bloody competition and I would do anything not to feel the way I do right now I gently reminded her she had depression which was a different thing...before we ended the call I said I hoped I hadn't drained her over the last two weeks to which she replied well you kind of did a bit ! I can't help but feel slightly hurt maybe I did drain her aibu ?

OP posts:

PansOnFire · 06/04/2014 21:11

I think you're over thinking things. Your sister perhaps did feel like she should have been helped more by her Dr, rather than feeling resentful because you have been given help. And you might have drained her a bit but that doesn't mean that she minds, it means that she loves you and she wouldn't have it any other way, because you're her sister she feel she can be honest.

Overthinking will not make you feel better, try to leave situations as they are rather than playing them over in your mind as all that does is make you feel bad for what you've said/done. In all likelihood, your sister isn't even thinking about what has been said, she'll be relieved that you have been given some help and that you are starting your recovery.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

GrendelsMum · 06/04/2014 21:19

I think that one of the symptoms about depression, panic attacks and similar mental health problems, is that you can get very competitive about comparative levels of illness.

Of course it isn't a competition, and it's great that you see that, but possibly right at the moment, her head isn't in a state where she can see that.

As PansOnFire says, she's probably wishing that she'd had better help, not annoyed that you have had good help.

ChelworthBrond · 06/04/2014 21:33

Sounds like you're a bit sensitive at the moment and maybe taking innocent comments to heart. When I struggle with MH issues I get very touchy about comments that I wouldn't even think twice about normally.

MamaMumra · 06/04/2014 21:45

Sorry you've been feeling this way glitter

Of course YANBU to feel any way you do, but it's worth bearing in mind that when you're feeling low things can take on an added significance.
If you are normally close then I am sure she didn't mean to be insensitive.
I hope everything gets sorted soon though.

HandragsNGladbags · 06/04/2014 21:48

Beta blockers are a good way to calm you down so you don't get the physical effect of the panic attacks and work very quickly. I think it is quite normal for a doctor to try this before moving on to a more long term plan with citalopram or any other anti d.

Try not to be offended by your sister. It might be her "thing" and she feels competitive, or it might be that she's just an unsympathetic person.

withextradinosaurs · 06/04/2014 21:49

YANBU. But you have challenged the family script, which is that she is the delicate flower and you are the supportive person. She may not be able to cope with the idea that these roles have changed.

I hope you have support from friends as well as your GP. Good luck with the beta blockers.

notthegirlnextdoor · 06/04/2014 22:08

I have been recently diagnosed with anxiety and been given beta blockers. My sister suffered greatly with it for years, crippled her life. She told me she was envious of me being able to have beta blockers as she couldn't have them (something to do with her being asthmatic) and was glad that I had them because as far as she was aware they are one of the best meds available.

I also have Bi Polar Disorder (diagnosed 7 years ago) and although I helped her through her anxiety as best as I could, having experienced it now myself I know how fucking difficult her life was for those few years. (And she would always say: but you have BPD and are a single Mum to 2 under 3, why am I struggling so badly and you are fine? You're so strong and I'm just weak etc. Which obviously I wasn't fine but I understood her point.) I have to say anxiety has knocked me on my arse far more than BPD ever has.

We've always had a strained relationship (I cut off contact with Mum years ago, emotionally and physically abusive towards me my whole life, yet my DS thinks the sun shines out of her arse, was the favourite child.) but, in a strange way, this has helped bring us a little closer.

notthegirlnextdoor · 06/04/2014 22:10

Posted too soon, sorry.

Its definitely not a competition of who is worse or who has the best meds or who struggles more. I hope she comes round and realises that she is in a unique position to help you.

wouldbemedic · 06/04/2014 23:46

That would hurt me too, OP, and especially if I was feeling a bit anxious and vulnerable. Hopefully your sister will realise what a nasty comment that was and apologise. Chances are she has PMT or a stressful day and spoke without thinking. If not, well, there are lots of other much nicer people in the world, many of whom will be friends, which are better than sisters in many ways.

bobot · 06/04/2014 23:53

Um, GrendelsMum, I'm wondering where you got that from, that cometing to be the most severely ill is a symptom of mental health problems??

OP, I think your sister could have been a lot nicer, I wouldn't like it either.

SoleSource · 07/04/2014 00:07

Maybe your Sister still feels low and unable to cope with you struggling too?

I hope you feel better soon.

Hissy · 07/04/2014 00:28

Depends on her tone really!

Citalopram is a really good AD for those with added anxiety.

Sounds like the betablockers will be prescribed because you have panic attacks and not necessarily depression.

You can't compare the 2 really, they are acquaintances on nodding terms with one another, not usually caused by the same issues, so requiring different approaches.

Don't forget too, that AD medication is very hit and miss, it can take a while to find the meds that work for an individual. Some of the side effects are just dreadful.

I think your sis was trying to be supportive, not judging you or angry at you in anyway.

Try to think through what is and isn't reality.

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