To think this is wrong?

[CrazyOldCatLady]

My family were here today (and one visit generated two AIBU threads!). My parents had brought little chocolate bunnies for the kids, who are 3 and 2.

DM brought the bunnies into the sitting room and held them out, and DD shouted 'I want the blue one!'. DM said 'No, you have to have the pink one'. I asked DM why DD had to have the pink one and she said 'Oh, if they express a preference I make sure they get the opposite, I've always done that'.

AIBU to think WTF?!

(In fairness, I would have insisted that DD ask again properly and say please - but I would have given her the blue one)

She sounds like a bundle of joy! What an odd attitude.

Well it makes perfect sense to immediately squash any opinions they might express, god forbid they should grow up with their own thoughts about anything

Well, if they were a bit older you could argue they should wait to be asked and not demand. It's not something I'd worry much about myself but I can see the logic behind that.

But in this case do you think she assumed your DD would want the pink one, or that he should have the blue one because he's a boy? I don't like that kind of stereotyping

yes, I wondered that Coldlight

'I want the blue one!'

Perhaps the correct phrase was "I'd like the blue one please "

I want never gets in this house either.

HowContrary, I did point that out in the last line of my post. I do insist on manners in this house. But I have no objection to my children having preferences as long as they're appropriately expressed.

And if it was just a question of saying please, what my mother said was unlikely to teach the child anything, surely?

Who cares?

Oh do bugger off and hide the thread if you're so bored by it, times.

Very odd reasoning unless she was thinking girls have to have pink, which is still odd.

I'm not keen on gender stereotyping in theory but I don't make much attempt to prevent it; it seems pretty inevitable. Ever since DD started creche and hung out with other little girls, she's been all about pink and purple. So much so, in fact, that I was very surprised to hear her look for the blue bunny.

Maybe she knows what your mum is like so said she wanted the one she didn't deliberately!

I think your mum assumed blue for a boy and pink for a girl.
Nothing wrong with what your dd demanded, it's the way she did that probably irked her. It's never too early to teach manners.

Nothing wrong with what your dd demanded, it's the way she did that probably irked her. It's never too early to teach manners.
Firstly, she didn't teach her anything. She didn't say anything about manners, she just said 'no, you have to have the pink one'.

Secondly, she told me that she makes a point of making sure they don't get what they want if they state a preference. It was nothing to do with how it was phrased.

I would have smiled kindly at your mother and said 'What difference does it make when the paper is off?' then I would have insisted that your daughter asked again nicely (as you did).

surely 2 and 3 year olds can be forgiven for forgetting their manners sometimes?

op specifically mentioned manners, she's obviously aware of it!

My nana used to do this! If you stated you wanted pink she would give you the blue because you take what you're given and you're grateful for it. We just used to ask for the opposite to what we actually wanted

Yanbu how odd

Sounds like it's about control rather than gender stereotyping or manners.

she said 'Oh, if they express a preference I make sure they get the opposite, I've always done that'.

What if she'd offered the OP a tea or coffee, the OP said tea, and the DM gave her coffee, because she'd expressed a preference and the DM's rule is to give the opposite?

I think what she meant by that comment was that old chestnut "If you ask, you don't get" ie, wait to be asked

I'm not saying she's right, BTW. I think she is being very rigid and unkind to a little excited child

How very bizarre!

Sounds like it's about control rather than gender stereotyping or manners.

Yes. Having been brought up by her, I can confirm that she's always been very controlling, in every way. I moved out at 23 (and she was furious over it, refused to say goodbye to me when I left and wasn't civil to me for months afterwards) and I was utterly incompetent without her, it took me a full decade, and having kids of my own, to feel comfortable being in control of my own life.

It was so bizarre to see her admit it to what she was doing so casually, as if it's perfectly okay. I actually ended up crying about it last night. My parents mind my kids two days a week while I'm in work and while I always had reservations about it, I thought it would be okay while they were tiny. I think I'm going to have to end it sooner than I thought.

Yes, end it now if you can possibly afford an alternative.