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AIBU?

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Original poster

Booking meals for a large group

46 replies

HRMumness · 06/04/2014 14:14

Friends of DH are visiting from overseas. They wanted to catch up for a meal with all their respective friends. We gave them a couple of suggestions but now they have emailed asking DH to book the meal for them without actually suggesting where. There are almost 20 people including kids, a fair chunk of which we don't know.

I told DH that he shouldn't book it for them, mainly because we don't know all these people and given we have less than a weeks notice may end up with him phoning around half the week / having to put down a credit card deposit. DH already organised a boys night on his friends behalf which was fine as he had plenty of notice and there was only a handful of them. However, They are being a bit cheeky with this aren't they?

OP posts:
DoJo · 06/04/2014 14:18

I have never had to pay a deposit when booking a table except on special occasions such as Christmas or for corporate events, so why not just choose somewhere that will not need a deposit? That way, all they are asking for is for you to make a phone call, which I don't think is cheeky.

Funnyfoot · 06/04/2014 14:18

Bounce the e-mail back saying:

Hi
Yes I will happily book somewhere but I will leave the decision of where to you. Also please check with the rest of the group any dietary requirements, disabled access and how many children will require high chairs.
The venue you choose may require a deposit but I will let you know and provide you with the telephone number if that's the case then you can give them your credit card details.
Looking forward to catching up, see you soon

XXXXXX

Original poster
HRMumness · 06/04/2014 14:22

We wouldn't have a problem with making a phone call but they want us to pick a place. DH has replied with something similar to funnyfoot, saying we don't want to pick somewhere when we don't know where people are coming from and whether they have dietary requirements. I just wanted to sense check whether we were being rude to decline to do this.

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 06/04/2014 14:26

I don't think this is cheeky at all. They are coming from overseas, clearly it will be much easier for you to do this than them given that you presumably know the area you live and won't have the cost of international phone calls. I'd do this for friends in a heartbeat. Somewhere like a family friendly pub with a varied menu like or pizza express (thinking of their gluten free range and other stuff not just pizza) would have something that most people could eat and be unlikely to require a deposit.

It sounds like you're looking for problems - is the real underlying issue that you don't want them to come and stay? Because I can't imagine why you wouldn't try and sort this out for good friends who you liked?

DoJo · 06/04/2014 14:27

I would have just picked somewhere - presumably what they are really asking for is your local knowledge. I don't think you are unreasonable not to want to do it, but I don't think were cheeky for asking.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 06/04/2014 14:29

Yeah, I would do this for friends. Doubt you'd need a deposit and if you did, it would probably be refunded when you ll turned up

Funnyfoot · 06/04/2014 14:29

No not cheeky or rude OP. I wouldn't want the responsibility of organising a meal for 20 people I didn't know. It opens you up to complaints and criticism when all you were trying to do was be helpful.

If the couple really want this to happen then it is up to them to put in the effort IMO.

JuniperHeartwand · 06/04/2014 14:30

I can't work out from your posts if you/your DH are attending the meal? If so, then it's totally not unreasonable for them to ask you to book. You're more likely to know where would be suitable than family who live overseas!

Original poster
HRMumness · 06/04/2014 14:37

Yellow dinosaur - they aren't staying with us and I don't have any issue with them whatsoever. They have lived in London before and do have family here so suspect they could help them out with pointers if need be.
They asked for suggestions and we have offered them happily but like I said, we don't know all these people or which bit of London they are in so don't want to pick somewhere that might not be appropriate.

When we visit where they live, we wouldn't dream of imposing on someone to arrange a get together meal for us. Fwiw, we have a young child, I'm pregnant again and we are in the middle of finalising major renovations to our house. We have a lot on our plate right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
HRMumness · 06/04/2014 14:38

Juniper - yes we are attending but we only know maybe a third of people going. I just feel like they are expecting DH to be his PA.

OP posts:
HowContraryMary · 06/04/2014 14:41

They are your DHs friends
They have asked DH to do them a favour

You have now become involved.
From asking DH to do something within a few posts it's now 'we'.

Let your DH manage his own relationships.

JammieCodger · 06/04/2014 14:44

But all you are being asked to do is make a phone call, not host the event. Just pick whichever one of your suggestions you like best and book a table. It that one can't fit you in then try the others. I really don't see how this is going to take more than 5 minutes of your (husband's) time.

Original poster
HRMumness · 06/04/2014 14:45

Mary - they are my friends too but originally his first iyswim. The wife asked me for suggestions which I offered. I know if he is too busy to do this (he is often in meetings and can't always make calls at work), then it will be me doing the calling. I have a toddler and another on the way, I barely get time to sit down as it is, so don't want to spend hours on the phone calling places trying to find somewhere in London for a large group.

I think I must be being unreasonable not to do this then!

OP posts:
DoItTooJulia · 06/04/2014 14:48

Or just find out what they want? A pub? A Wagamama? Pizza? And go from there?

It is only booking a table and you DH can do it so you don't have to.

cannykeepaway · 06/04/2014 14:52

I have a toddler and another on the way

You have another toddler on the way??? Wow that has GOT to be hard work, so no YANBU Grin Grin

Seriously I sort of sympathise but I think you are envisaging problems where none may exist. If you find it is getting problematic after tow or three phone calls then send an email along the lines that Funnyfoot suggests.

I get that you are busy, but every one has commitments, and in terms of favours this doesn't seem like a huge one. Btw I book tables almost weekly and have NEVER been asked for a deposit and only occasionally for a credit card guarantee (which obviously costs nothing as long as you cancel in time if needs be)

PiratesLifeForMe · 06/04/2014 14:53

I think you're making a mountain out if a molehill & really not sure what bearing being pregnant has on the ability to pick up a telephone. There are loads of places that can accommodate 20.

Are you just worried you won't please everyone and will get it 'wrong'? Just pick a good general option & I'm sure people will be happy. Once they know the venue they could always call to ask about disabled access or whatever themselves.

Sorry OP, but if you really don't want to do this favour then just tell then but don't think they are being unreasonable, they really aren't, it's a small favour really.

Laquitar · 06/04/2014 15:05

If they are coming from overseas then the choice shoyld be easy. Go British style and book a family friendly pub, what is not to like about a british pub meal??

Original poster
HRMumness · 06/04/2014 15:12

It's supposed to be brunch, they have lived in the uk before and also, they don't want somewhere chain as far as i know (and if they don't mind, I'm sure some of the people we know will turn their noses up). Central London is the best bet and it what will be a busy Sunday (marathon) so suspect it is late notice to find somewhere that can accommodate a big group.

DH has declined to do it but said he will phone somewhere if they suggest where. It's their get together, I just think it is their responsibility given we don't know all the guests coming.

OP posts:
cannykeepaway · 06/04/2014 15:14

DH has declined to do it but said he will phone somewhere if they suggest where

That sounds like a plan to me!

winkbingo · 06/04/2014 15:15

Tricky one, many restaurants I've booked in the recent weeks (for someone else, not me, I hasten to add, is just part of my job booking glam eats for others (sigh))

Anyway, many places class more than eight as a large group, requiring a deposit AND pre-booking.

A group of 20 sounds like a restaurant might require both.

Agree with PP, let DH get embroiled in the email shennanigans and too-ing and fro-ing, it'll be a right ball ache.

TheListingAttic · 06/04/2014 15:16

How will it take hours to sort out?! It will take 2 or 3 calls max! Phone the nearest Pizza Express and if anyone isn't happy just smile and say 'oh, they didn't warn us X was an issue'. Not that I can think anyone would.

insancerre · 06/04/2014 15:18

restaurants round here ask for a deposit if booking for more than 10 people
presumably because they have been stung by people booking large parties and not turning up leaving the restaurant half empty if they have turned other people away

oneperfectlimousine · 06/04/2014 15:19

Thirding pizza express, at least as far as dietary requirements go. Brilliant and pretty tasty too.

PiratesLifeForMe · 06/04/2014 15:20

It sounds like you've found a compromise so that's good. If they do ask for a deposit then you'd be perfectly reasonable to bop that back to them, I wouldn't lay out a deposit without knowing all involved either.

gobbynorthernbird · 06/04/2014 15:30

In the time it has taken to post and reply to this thread, you could have sorted it.